thankfulness & thoughtfulness

for the love of writing

2011-06-15T15:08:00.003-04:00

Here it is, the official CUTE logo that Ryan so lovingly designed for our new blog together. May I just point out that it includes is a bird? That was for me.

Anyways, we are excited to begin this new venture together because we really feel like we have a voice together that is better than either of us have alone. There is still going to be a lot of daily life processing from me under the "thankful" tab including my first post about my b-day last week. We also took some time to think through the heartbeat of why we write and shared that here. Our hope is that it serves as a blessing and encouragement as we go about our journey.

a new chapter

2011-06-12T20:00:00.002-04:00

Here I sit with my little sweet pink bundle wrapped up and resting on my chest and I couldn't be happier. These quiet moments are what the mother part of my heart lives for and I am so thankful for them on a Sunday night.

I used to refer to the "Sunday night blues" on a regular basis during my college days, many times due to the fact that I was leaving a weekend with Ryan and starting classes at 8 a.m. the next morning. Then after college, Sunday nights represented youth group and craziness before a week of work and the blues went away in a sense because I really loved my work. Due to the fact that every day feels like Saturday right now, I have no concept of Sunday night vs. Wednesday night. However, I just caught myself thinking on this Sunday night and how full the quietness of a newborn can be. And I'm thankful for a new kind of Sunday night.

With Hannah sleeping I am thinking through the pieces of my writing that have been swirling around in my head today. I find inspiration in church, in conversations and in the day-to-day moments just waiting to be captured in words. Ryan and I have been having some late night "business meetings" as we call them where we pull up the chairs at the dining room table or settle in to our respective corners of the couch to talk about writing together. He has spent a good amount of time creating a new blog to represent us together and we have loved dreaming about it. If everything goes as planned, we are going to start writing over there tomorrow. No time like the present right?

I have LOVED everything about this open space for the past three years and as much as I am little afraid to leave it, I am even more excited about what is to come. We feel like there are a lot of things that God is putting on our hearts in this season as far as perspective, marriage and life in general that we are excited to write about together. Besides that, I want to keep growing my commitment to spilling life out in words because it brings me so much joy.

I write to share life but more than that, I write for myself. It is the best expression of me I can find and sometimes the only worship I know how to give. With that, bring on the new blog. I will post a link tomorrow and hope to see you there!

dear hannah,

2011-06-07T12:00:00.002-04:00

dear little miss hannah june,
What a wonderful blessing having you has already been. Here is what I am learning after being your mom for only two short weeks. Taking care of someone your size is harder than I ever gave anyone credit for but at the same time, more beautiful and natural than I ever thought it might be.

You will learn that sometimes I make things way bigger than they need to be (I'm working on it). The first few weeks of your life have been no exception. The amount of energy that went towards a small issue we were working through to get your weight up has consumed conversation and brain space more, than I dare admit. I have decided to move forward and I'm thankful for the community that already surrounds us as I do so. I don't want to miss a moment of this journey consumed with myself or things outside of our control. As for you, you have been a gem and unaware of this worry of mine so I know I need to let it go too.

This is the beauty of it girlie, that God is inviting us to grow as I live in this space of learning a whole new role in life. I feel stretched and moved, humbled and tired of course. I have been thinking a lot about how to start translating our experience into words and want to capture all of this for us.

Before you were born, your Dad and I started talking about writing together and in the next few weeks we are going to make that little dream a reality. We are not 100% sure what direction it might take yet but it will be a combination of my thoughts about "thankfulness" & his deeper perspective on "thoughtfulness". We also want it to be a place where we can work through our own journey as a little family in hopes to encourage others. I can't wait to see where the path takes us next and am so thrilled you are here and along for the ride.

For now I am enjoying every day with you as I tell you all about our family and the things we like to do. We seem to be finding our own little quirks as I read to you from my favorite books in the middle of the night to keep us awake to eat and call you my little "birdie girlie". Thank you for being patient with me and teaching me how to love bigger than myself.

all my heart,
Mom

*More to come on the writing and Hannah but here are a few snapshots of our first few weeks. (PS. everything in her closet has been a gift so far! This girl has more personal shoppers than Macy's!)

This is one of my FAVORITE pictures of her so far by our friend Christy who did our maternity pics as well:

a whole new world

2011-05-29T19:20:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that 9 days have already passed and a week ago we were bringing our sweet baby girl home from the hospital. I haven't blogged, although there have been many hours between 3-5 a.m. that I could have but it seems almost too large to capture all of the emotions, changes, joys and blessings that have taken place in less than 10 days.

Hannah came in to our world a few days later than our original due date (May 16) but also a few days earlier than the doctor eventually thought she would. Believing that I would be later yet, I went with Molly to a girl's night in GR, in hopes to win some giveaways and have some good snacks. I got a whole lot more out of the deal! Just for fun I had gotten a foot massage with some focused pressure on "trigger" spots for labor but hadn't taken it too seriously.

When I got home we went on what Ryan declared the fastest walk I had ever taken, pregnant or not. It didn't occur to me at that time that the burst of energy I was feeling could be related to oncoming labor. It just felt like a good night for a walk and we got home and in bed at a relatively normal time. When I got up for probably the third time to go to the bathroom around midnight, my water broke, just like happens in the movies and I knew at that point that things were getting started. I woke Ryan up to tell him and he jumped in to action with me, calling the hospital to see what to do next. They gave us the advice to stick it out at home for awhile and poor Toby followed me around the house for the next 6 hours or so of contractions.

Per my request, we hit up McDonalds for a smoothie between deep breathing on the way to the hospital out of my fear that once I got in to more active labor, I wouldn't be able to eat. We were set up and in our room by 7 a.m. and although my contractions were closer together and harder, I was surprised to hear that not much was happening yet. Between Ryan's support, a few laps around the hall and trying to focus on the end result, the time went pretty quickly but I couldn't imagine going all day like that without progress. When the doctor gave the invitation for an epidural (my plan all along), I jumped at the opportunity and couldn't say enough nice things about the anesthesiologist. I told Ryan to "write him a check" because his work was invaluable, clearly I was a bit loopy by this point.

After that took place, the game changed incredibly. I was actually able to enjoy the process and focus on the fact that I was going to have this baby within the next 12 hours or so. A couple of times the doctor came back to check me and things were still not progressing to the point that he wanted them to. The biggest issue was that she was not dropping at all and he was pretty sure that she would not fit. We started to wonder around 3 or 4 p.m. if a c-section might be in order. He decided to come back one last time after his 5:00 workday ended and if I wasn't ready at that point, we would get ready for surgery. Ryan and I prayed at that time for peace with whatever happened and to be prepared for either outcome. Lo and behold, within a matter of an hour or so, things changed dramatically and when the doctor came back and told me I was at a 10 I was shocked and elated. The time had come!!

The next 45 minutes were some of the most amazing moments of my life, with Ryan by my side as my coach and an incredibly supportive and encouraging medical team, Hannah was born at 6:35 p.m. The emotions I had when I first saw her tiny nose and heard she was a girl were so overwhelming and beautiful. Something changed within both Ryan and I in that moment, knowing we were going to be parents to a daughter. I know I thought it was a boy all along but it just seemed 100% right when Ryan said "its a girl".

The past nine days since then have gone by in a blur of quiet moments, sharing her with friends, all kinds of firsts and learning more than I ever knew possible about love and our little family. Ryan has made this transition incredibly beautiful by doing all kinds of things to take care of his girls. I really don't know what I would do without him. As I right, he and Hannah are fast asleep on the couch, she on his chest and Toby by their feet. I can't wait to share more about her and the journey we are on as parents but until then, I will be soaking up these moments as the come.

she's here

2011-05-22T22:30:00.001-04:00

introducing our GIRL!
Hannah June
born May 20, 2011 at 6:35 pm
8 lbs, 2 oz and 20 inches long

Hannah \ha(n)-nah \: of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Hannah is "He (God) has favored me". Biblical context: mother of the prophet Samuel - love this story and knew it was right for this little beauty.

June: my grandma who is a Godly woman and has provided a heritage that we want to continue on with our daughter.

We couldn't be more thrilled, overjoyed, full to the brim with love.

more to come...

still here

2011-05-19T14:30:00.000-04:00

Wish I had a picture of what 40 weeks and 3 days looks like, feels like things continue to stretch and grow in ways I didn't know they could. Thankfully I am really not that uncomfortable yet during the day and have even felt pretty darn good most of the time. I'm excited each time I get to go to the doctor just to hear a heartbeat and hear a little bit more of where I am at. Wondering if will be 10 hours or 10 days. Realistically I know if nothing happens in the next week I will likely be induced so I keep just thinking I have to take it moment by moment. God has been really gracious in this whole process to me, I am so excited to meet this little one and not really thinking about much else at this point! We have felt so loved and supported this week with texts, facebook messages, emails, it has been awesome to know other people are almost as excited as we are.

For now I am continuing to fill the time with reading, hanging out and more walks. My darling hubby has made a great effort to make sure I am comfortable and entertained as he knows my mind is getting a bit bored. We went on our third "late date pre-baby" last night and I was so happy to have something to look forward to.

We headed to GR for dinner & a movie and a last minute spontaneous swing into Marie Catribs for their famous chocolate pudding that he has been raving about since trying it a few months ago with a friend. If you know Ryan, you know he loves beer and cheese more than sweets but I think have been rubbing off on him. It came in a simple little tin and until we unpacked it in the dimming lights of the movie theater (thank goodness for a large purse!) I had no idea what I was in for. Oh my goodness, it was like brownie batter in pudding form, not even legal. I really did wonder for a second if I should eat it because it was SO rich. I quickly got over that and dove right in.

I also went back earlier this week and finally finished the book I had committed to back in January, Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. Such a timely reminder of the need to look for grace in everyday life. I have a feeling that the upcoming blurred days will be filled with moment by moment living, something very outside of my norm. Starting my thankfulness journal again may be one of the only ways I capture the little quiet moments for a season. Besides taking one million pictures of course.

Finally, in a "I'm going to brag like an older sister should" moment, I'm proud of my little bro who has made the move to the big city of Chicago in the past few weeks to work for Groupon. If you haven't registered for their daily deals yet, shame on you, you are missing out! Don't fret though, you can still sign up. Anyways, E is going to be working with a team on the new Groupon NOW rollout that the Chicago Tribune explained today here. Very cool and a great opportunity to be part of something growing leaps and bounds. Speculations that they are going to have an IPO (going public with their stock) in the next year make it even more exciting to get in at ground level with them.

Nothing more from me this afternoon...feet up and watching the time go by.

according to the countdown...

2011-05-15T13:19:00.003-04:00

We have one day left. According to how I feel, I wonder if it may be more than that. However, I have never done this before so I don't know what it feels like the day before or a few days before one has a baby.

All I know is that statistically speaking, most first time moms breeze past their due date so I am anticipating my original prediction to be true, that this baby will be born sometime toward the middle or end of this week (I put my bet in on May 20th for a boy weighing somewhere in the 8s). But really, who can know right?! And I did buy some adorable girlie newborn stuff the other day because if it is a she, I want my girl to come home all decked out!

What is one to do the day before her due date or the week of you might ask? Well, I have decided that sitting around isn't going to help much so tonight we are planning to go to the youth group end of year bash. And besides compulsively keeping up on laundry & dishes (maybe to the point where I put things away before Ryan is done with them, whoops!), I hope to sit on patios with friends, take walks and fill the time with good things. Like more pasta and ice cream. Yes, even food right that actually tastes good right now is a welcome addition to my oh-so clear schedule. I keep thinking that it isn't bad to live on these staples for a few more days because I know it can't and won't be forever. So here is to mac and cheese & strawberry shortcake ice cream.

Maybe the next time I post I will have news!

a year later: still learning

2011-05-13T16:00:00.001-04:00

It was a year ago today that we were nearing the end of our time in Israel. It brings back all kinds of great emotions for me to think back to last May. To the way that those 15 days changed all kinds of things for me. My paradigm about God's story, about the history and depth of the Bible and in my own relationship with the Lord in general. I have said it before and I will say it again, I don't think one needs to go to Israel to experience God by any means but I do know that it was and continues to be a blessing in my life.

I also can't get over how much fun it was to climb each of those hills and walk the paths with Ryan next to me. Some of our best friends, Ben & Stacie, are bringing a group of college students on a similar trip in a few weeks and I simply cannot wait for them to experience the same awe and wonder over the dusty paths. As I look back in my journal from last year at this very time, I love seeing the thoughts I was thinking and the notes I was taking. I can't help but wonder how different my journal will look a year from now about all that is about to transpire.

This path has felt so unknown in many ways over the past few months, from feeling led to change our decision on which seminary Ryan will go to, to deciding to move, which led to making the decision to being a stay at home mom. The list goes on.

I DEFINITELY did not know this path ahead of time and couldn't have guessed it. But at the same time, I can't put in to words how faithful I feel like God has been to us along the way. My eternal optimism sometimes put me in a position where I just "feel" like things will work out a certain way and that hasn't happened this time. Our house is still for sale and the sign is still in the yard. My emotion was that it would sell right away and I am learning a lot about thinking realistically versus thinking based on emotions. We have had a couple of interested buyers fall through and I am learning to not get so wrapped up in them because it causes disapiontment that maybe I could protect myself from. still learning.

Meanwhile, life continues and today was a day highlighted by a shared piece of carrot cake & coffee in a french press with my dear friend Allison. Living in the small moments and taking it a day at a time.

a quiet week

2011-05-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am, day two of my "retirement" as Ryan is calling this little window of time between working and baby. So far so good but I can see why people start to get anxious towards the end. The house is clean, the diapers are lined up and books are being read for FUN at this point!

I think if I can force myself to just wait patiently, I might really enjoy this week or however long I have until we meet this little one. The weekend started it off on a great note after my last day at work. Ryan picked me up an hour early and whisked me off to an unknown destination. He had planned a date night out to Grand Haven, more specifically the Kirby Grill House, which has always been a treat in my mind as far as places to eat. We spent a few hours walking around, looking at the little boutique stores and shared a late dinner complete with a mile high brownie sundae. Yum. I felt so loved that he planned this little outing for us, knowing that this summer will be the start of a whole new chapter.

The rest of the weekend was enjoyable as well, with a good mix of resting and doing fun things like a bonfire with the neighbors, dinner out with my parents and a visit to the park with friends. I think the reality of being done with work for now is starting to set it and I have to admit, it was a bit weird being downtown Holland yesterday without being in the office. Almost like it was a Saturday even though it definitely wasn't. I think this season is going to be one where I am a bit lost on what day of the week it really is for a while.

I did the annual necessary Tulip Time visit yesterday with friends & their kiddos and we had a great time debating which stand to get food from. I can tell you that "fatballs" were not in the running for my top choice. What are those anyways?! In the end, I choose a simple pulled pork sandwich and hand dipped ice cream bar from Froggy's. Can't be beat! The tulips were lovely as always and we went early enough in the day that we didn't have to fight the crowds which was a plus because right now small spaces don't agree with me. Or maybe I don't agree with them. Beth took a pic of me in front of the tulips which she reminded me "wasn't just of me". Here I am in my 39th week and counting:

A few other things I am looking forward to this week:
a pedicure tomorrow morning with Shallon
finishing my latest fictional read and maybe squeezing another in
dinner tomorrow night with friends
a Whitecaps baseball game later this week if the weather cooperates
SITTING ON THE COUCH, watch hulu and napping in between shows with my pup

I think that is it for now but it is good for me to see a list in front of me and to take heed to the advice of friends who have gone before who are saying "rest now" before you are living in a state of sleep deprived happiness and hormones. Trying my best to take that one to heart!

endings and beginnings

2011-05-06T05:30:00.002-04:00

I just updated my profile on facebook (what better is there to do when you wake up 4:45 a.m., right?). I hadn't thought about doing it in advance but noticed that it displayed my work information from February 2005-present and I simply updated the end date to May 2011.

A post was then generated reading "Rebekah left her job at X (insert company name here)". It felt a little final to see it written like that, very cut and dry. I suppose it is and I truly am done after my 8-5 today; for now, until who knows when. Or what for that matter. As much as I really do love working, being part of a creative team and finding creative solutions, I think I am about to find that this isn't the end of my working. This is simply a transition into a whole new job title. One that doesn't have vacation days and bonus' that pay in dollar signs but one that grows and develops me in new, challenging and beautiful ways.

It has been a very interesting and fulfilling process sharing with some of my favorite clients that I won't be returning. It is meaningful to see the depth that I have developed over the past six years and to hear their encouragement towards stepping into the role of being at home for this season. It's also nice to know that my work has been appreciated, that I have somehow, in some small way, added value to their world in light of their finances. I never anticipated to be in the financial industry, discussing 401ks and wealth planning but I am so thankful for this time and what it has given me personally and professionally.

I kind of wonder where it will take me in the distant future, even in light of being able to share what I have learned with friends. I have found that finances and investing are a very intimidating and personal topic for so many people which means we avoid them with vigor. I would love to know that my experience could make it a little less scary for one or two of my friends to make wise stewardship decisions (insert plug to email me with any questions here).

All of that said, I'm happy to turn in my "worker bee" badge for awhile and venture into this unknown territory because it is the path I believe God has set out for me in this season. I don't know what to expect but as with anything, I hope I can take it one day at a time. Looking forward to my Friday at work, including the "farewell fiesta" my co-workers have so kindly organized. I hear there is going to be a major Mexican feast followed by ice cream cake so you know I'm there and Ryan is joining us for the festivities as well. More to come.

winding down

2011-05-01T12:20:00.001-04:00

38 weeks and it feels like things are starting to wind down. Little clothes are being washed & folded, special date nights are taking place and we will soon have nothing to do but wait. With it being the first day of May, knowing this will be the month that we will welcome our baby boy or girl, I finally have a peace about the next however many days we have between now and then.

We committed ourselves to putting as much energy as we could into selling the house until May 1st which made it feel like a lot of little things needed to be on hold until today. Here we are now in May and there is a 50/50 chance that we could have a buyer in the next few days as we work with someone who is interested in our home. I feel good that we gave it our all and have to just trust that God knows the timing from here on out.

So, regardless of the outcome, I am committed to finishing my last week of work this Friday, putting my feet up, catching up on movies and books and praying for this little life soon to bless our family with it's presence. I also want this time to be full of moments with my sweet husband and our close friends. Ryan and I went downtown Holland on Friday night and enjoyed a dinner date & a redbox and jump started summer last night with our first visit of the year to Saugatuck with Ben & Stacie. It felt great to sit outside and of course, to get ice cream cones.

here are my plans for today:

what I'm learning

2011-04-26T06:30:00.001-04:00

The past week has been one of the more emotional ones thus far in my pregnancy. It's like the hormone switch got cranked up a notch and I am reminding myself that this is all normal and part of the journey. Normal or not, I have to admit, I am more comfortable when I feel in control.

Which leads me to what I am learning. It is not easy to have a house for sale and be in transition when your body and life are progressing towards something you haven't experienced before. However, I am finding that the joy of having your husband as your best friend to walk it with and a few close friends who really get you make it ok. I'm learning that everything doesn't have to be perfect or designer or 100% how I want it to be a loving and Godly mom.

I could have said that before and believed it but I feel like I am really learning it in these last days as my desire to have everything in place increases. It doesn't mean I have full control of these crazy emotions or that I don't face fear but I really want to hold to the excitement of this time rather than any worry that might rise up in me.

Hearing the joyful news of Molly's little boy yesterday put a lot back in to perspective for me. I think first of all, realizing how closely she and I have been walking together in this journey and now here she is a momma which means I am soon to follow. But more importantly, how loved and cherished that little one already is. Not because of anything that has been prepared but because of the love that a little baby brings the moment they come in to the world. So even though I don't have everything in our house set up the way I thought it would be with the "perfect space" prepared, I am learning that the love we have ready for this baby will be all it really needs.

climbing

2011-04-22T09:00:00.001-04:00

I thought about the difference a year makes on Tuesday when I climbed the thirty or so stairs to my now weekly doctor's appointment. Each week I approach those stairs with vigor, determined not to take the elevator until I have to. As I got to the top, huffing and puffing, I thought about the stairs I was running last year at this time.

Spring always seems to do this to me; to stop me in my tracks and make me reflect on the happenings of the past year. Maybe it is the fact that I am stuck between the slowness of winter and the anticipation of cookouts and flip flops that summer brings. Or maybe it really boils down to the fact that most of the major shaping that has taken place in my life over the past few years has been in April and May. (More thoughts on May here).

A year ago, Stacie & I were running stairs a couple mornings a week in preparation for the mountains I would climb in Israel. The year before that, we were doing the same, only in preparation for the Riverbank 25k Run. During each of those stair climbing seasons, I found sacredness in quiet mornings of driving to the beach and running in the early morning hours along trails, climbing until our legs and lungs burned.

I know I am only climbing stairs once a week now, which is exactly as often as I would prefer as this baby continues to take shape and take up what feels like every inch of me. However, I still have that same sense of quiet preparation taking place this month for the climb to come. In a physical sense, for the delivery of this little life and the joyful moments of meeting him or her and in a deeper sense as our life is shifting from "we" to "three". In my experience, sometimes the climb is really tough, excruciating in fact but the view from the top always makes it worth while.

A few of my favorite post-climb views:

simple joys

2011-04-19T22:00:00.002-04:00

There is nothing like a night at home with this guy laying by my feet:

Adding to that joy by:
watching a movie on my laptop, in bed
eating a night snack of an orange (of course) and some animal crackers
feeling cozy while a major spring storm is brewing outside my window

Especially enjoying the relaxing after a full weekend of showing the house and being blessed with more showering of love for our babe. Sunday was the last of our showers before baby and I can honestly say I have enjoyed each shower in their own ways. Sunday was special because it was thrown by my aunts and included great grandmas & great aunts as well. Here are a few pics from the celebration:

the great grandmas

Auntie Chris & Aunt Karri

the momma and her momma

the moms & their girls

They also included the verse below in the celebration and after how much the picture of sheep meant to me from Israel, it was really meaningful. My Auntie Chris made up a magnet with this verse for everyone to take with them as a reminder to pray for us. The thought of walking this path of parenthood and knowing others are praying for us in this way is a huge encouragement to me.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
-Isaiah 40:11

If that weren't enough joy for one day, we found out when we got to youth group that there was a surprise shower planned for our night. Laura & Kelsey got a delicious cake, planned all of our games for the night around baby relays (like eating baby food, drinking coke from bottles, etc) and they blessed us with 4 packs of diapers!

Loved this picture of us because it really seems to capture us, right where we are in this season. Including the fact that I have been wearing those earrings and that necklace almost every day for the past few weeks in effort to even out my growing belly, purely based on the rule that the bigger you are, the more freedom you have to wear larger accessories!

Poor Ryan, this was the only shower he got to attend & the one gift he got to open was diapers. He seemed pretty excited though, maybe the practical side of him as a guy knows how helpful they will be!

So so happy and appreciative that all of the people we love are walking with us but it just makes these nights at home that much more valuable. This guy is waiting so it must mean it is time for bed.

desert song

2011-04-17T22:10:00.002-04:00

This song is on my heart tonight, for those who are in deserts, for those who are feeling like they are in green pastures. This feels like a green pasture time for me right now, like God is blessing us left and right with His presence and peace as we walk in ways that sometimes leave me a bit uncomfortable. i.e. potentially selling our house 4 weeks before our baby is born. We had some interest yesterday and someone else walking through on Tuesday and I am learning to trust the process and not get ahead of myself.

That being said, baby stuff is about to come out of the woodwork and start taking over the house. This is the week that we had set to do that and I am SO excited about it, no matter what the outcome is with our pending move. Can't wait to see those little onesies and perfectly stacked diapers, hoodie towels and books lined up.

Back to my thoughts on the desert song; tonight at youth group, Ryan taught the 6th of a 7 week series on Abraham. I was reminded AGAIN of how God wants us to partner with Him. I have always thought of Abraham as full of faith, always trusting the bigger plan and have been learning that He, just like us, made plenty of mistakes along the way. Encouraged and hopeful that over time, we would follow closer to the path that He has set out for us.

work shower

2011-04-17T19:00:00.000-04:00

It feels like these weeks are just flying by with the busyness of having a house for sale, a baby to prepare for and all of the celebrations in between. Last week my sweet friends at work threw a shower for me and it was such a neat time with women I trust and appreciate.

my female co-workers: Kris, me, Shanon & Lisa

The shower was at our office, the perfect space for entertaining and the guest list was made up of the women in the office and all of the wives of the guys I work with. Over the years, they have felt more like family than work acquaintances and it was really special to think about the fact that this group watched as Ryan and I got engaged, came to our wedding, journeyed with us as a young couple through the sale of the business and now in this stage of becoming parents.

Because Christy is part of that group and was there as a friend, she also took a few pics of the night. I told her I am starting to feel like she is my personal life photographer. haha! Love how she captured the fancy food and ambiance of the evening.

The whole theme was centered around our bedding. Which I actually stumbled upon during a quick trip to Target for something all together different. I wanted something gender neutral (obviously) that felt like "us", not something too cutesy but I really did still love the animals. My favorite part is the detail within the outline of the animals and Shanon surprised me with poster size drawings of each of the animals as decor for the shower. The giraffe was my favorite!

Here is a pic of the bedding pattern itself:

Instead of playing any games, they had each person write a piece of advice and they had to read it to me before I opened their gift. The things that were shared were both thoughtful and heartfelt, many sharing with tears about their own experiences as a mom. I felt so encouraged hearing from a Godly group of women. Here is the whole group:

Yet another night where I felt overwhelmed by people's generosity & excitement for Ryan and I. I love knowing that there are so many people who are almost as excited to meet this little one as we are.

too busy to blog

2011-04-16T14:30:00.001-04:00

What a week. I can tell this baby is growing by leaps and bounds these days because it seems all of my extra energies seem to be devoted to that effort and by the end of the day, I can't wait to see my bed. Even if that means 9:30 and macaroni for dinner because it is quick and sounds good.

This week I thought several times about the fact that I was too busy or to blessed to blog. Meaning that between work, meeting with students I love and the oh-so-sweet shower that my co-workers threw me, I didn't have much time to breathe in between. I have been thinking a lot about this transition, from what I know now about being an employee and part of a team to the role I am about to step into.

I haven't written really about it yet and some days am surprised myself how the next stage for me is playing out. All of that said, I have no doubt that the moment I begin life as a mom, I will be so thankful for the opportunity to be at home with my little one. It has been an interesting journey for me, from thinking I would work part-time to realizing that with all of the other changes going on in our world this fall and the desire I have to find balance in all of it, the best thing for we three (four with Toby in there) is for me to be at home.

The next month will be bittersweet for me because I love my job, the team I have been a part of for the past six years and the clients that we serve. I also know that once we make the move to Grand Rapids (Lord willing) I will be so glad I don't have to figure out how to balance childcare and driving and Ryan being at school. I don't want to miss in all of this that it is a priveledge and a blessing to find myself in this role and know that God knows so much more about the next few years than I do. I'm excited and a little nervous, hopeful and dreaming about the days.

Our due date is one month from today and according to the doctor, this little one isn't coming any time soon. We took a poll this week and my prediction is that we will meet he or she (still not telling names!) on May 22nd, that it will be a boy and that he will weigh over 8 lbs. Can't wait to see how close or how far off I am.

In house news, I am trying to be brave, to trust the plan and prepare for another open house. I think this is where the rubber meets the road and it is a chance to trust God but sometimes I have to fight my emotions that seem stronger than what I know is true. Add hormones in there and you really have something to talk about. Ryan has been so steady for me right now and I am really glad to know we are doing all of this together, moving toward what we know God is leading us in, whatever that looks like.

I did notice today that the tulips that always surprise me are popping up in the yard and every year, they are a reminder of God's faithfulness. Spring always comes and it always reassures me to have that reminder. One day at a time!

more shower details!

2011-04-16T10:00:00.001-04:00

Still smiling thinking about how great it was last Saturday to be in the presence of so many friends that I love. Michelle really was a great hostess with such attention to detail and that totally complimented the scene of laughter, story-telling and fellowship. I love my friends because I didn't even have to introduce them to one another; by the time I thought about it they were already chatting it up and getting to know each other.

Here are some more pics from the shower (including a photo shoot with each friend at the end):

adorable diaper cake!

The other April/May mommas: Amber & Molly

And the photo shoot begins!

35 and 37 weeks, a little different than how things were at 28 & 30 weeks (compare here)

A very special morning with memories that I will carry with me far beyond this baby being born. It feels like such a special festive time and as much as I LOVE being on the other side of a party, as in envisioning, crafting, planning, I am totally enjoying this season and am feeling so incredibly blessed.

showered & picking numbers

2011-04-10T14:20:00.001-04:00

Yes, I do shower daily, despite what the title might imply :) From what I hear from my mom friends, I should enjoy that blessing while it is easy and I am not trying to manage a little one while getting myself ready. That was just one of the many priceless tips picked up yesterday at the sweet shower that Michelle hosted. Here is a picture of the whole group of girls:

So many great friends from different circles of my life, all in one room. More to come on the shower details from the games to the thoughtful gifts & cards, not to mention the DELICIOUS food. Cake pops anyone?!

I also wanted to mention that I randomly drew a number for the winner of the checkbook cover giveaway & Amanda is going to be paying bills and writing checks in style. Don't forget that you can still support Allison's trip to Liberia by purchasing one for $10 with $9 of it going to her travels. More info here.

Giveaway for a Good Cause!

2011-04-04T20:45:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago my friend Allison posted some pictures of really cute items to facebook & I loved what I saw. I figure until I learn to sew, I will happily support those who do!

Allison is going to be going with a group from her church to Monrovia, Liberia for 13 days this summer. Her talented friend Jen who sews has offered to help her raise some of her support by selling cute checkbook covers with 90% of the proceeds going towards Al's trip!

If you are anything like me, you have to look at a map to identify where exactly in Africa Liberia is. It is on the West Coast and here is a little visual:

One thing that is really cool about this opportunity is that their church does trips like this multiple times a year to Liberia, meaning that there is a partnership present and not just a one time experience. Allison will be working with a team to continue the relationships their church has built with teachers and leaders along with doing some ministry with kids. While she is in Liberia, she will miss her cute little son Will's second b-day which to me is a sign of how called she feels to be on this trip, at this particular time.

Here's a pic of the Kemmerer family around Will's first b-day last year:

As just a small piece of support for her trip I want to give one of the checkbook covers away. All you have to do to enter is comment with your favorite of the four designs pictured below by Sunday at noon!

Here are a few of the other fun items Jen makes and even if you do not win the giveaway, the checkbook covers are still available for purchase with 90% of the sales going towards Allison's trip. For info on the other items pictured here, email me at bekah_wallace@yahoo.com. Enjoy!

cute headbands, perfect for spring!

custom boy onesies ($12)

custom girl onesies ($12)

count by number 1-9 ($34 for rice filled, $23 for washable numbers)

flower pins that can go on a bag, a shirt, a headband. anywhere really. ($8 each)

heavy-hearted and hopeful

2011-04-02T07:00:00.002-04:00

Sometimes life comes at you in ways you don't expect and leaves you with multiple layers of emotion to process. This week has been one of those as the title of this post indicates. The last two days have been heavy-hearted in many senses as we lost a member of our extended family unexpectedly at the young age of 43. I don't think loss is EVER easy but it grief always feels deeper to me when it is mixed with elements of shock and tragedy.

Combine that with our plan to show the house today, about which I am hopeful, and you have a concoction of mixed emotion. All I can say is that I am thankful for Ryan's steadiness, a family that is coming together, God's word and deep breaths. And for timing, I can't forget to mention that thought because if all of this would have happened a year ago with the house, the joyful arrival of this little baby and life mixed in, I think it would have been a whole lot harder.

I have also been thinking a bit and have been asked by a few close friends about how I am feeling about potentially leaving this house that I love very soon. Maybe it will hit me harder than it has when the time actually comes and there are more sleepless nights mixed in but for now, I truly just know I have to take this one day at a time. I think the words that come to mind are "exchanges" and "better things". Let me explain. I am learning that it means more than a house could to have unity in our marriage with what we know God is doing. That the exchange of living here in order to live closer to the place that Ryan will spend 8-10 hours a day so we can have him around more is a worthy one.

I do LOVE this house, what it means to us, how it expresses us but somehow even having Christy take pictures here last week made me feel like it will be preserved in my mind and heart, that the season spent here will always be special to me. I can also say that continuing to read through the Old Testament (slowly but surely) has been a really big reminder to me of God's faithfulness towards His people then and now. Holding on to that today as this is the view outside my window:

loving lately: spring edition

2011-03-31T07:00:00.003-04:00

The fact that Ryan posted this video on his blog just makes me laugh. Mostly because it is 100% true. Make sure you watch to the end for the best part.

If you like it then you should have put a bird on it. Or maybe not?

Also loving lately:

Better Oats brand apple & cinnamon instant oatmeal. Maybe it is the cute individual packaging or the fact that once you pour the oatmeal, the package can be used as a cup for the water with a fill line but these are the ticket to easy mornings!

This book, which has by far been my favorite that I have read during my pregnancy. It is funny, helpful and honest, sharing perspective on how first time parents can learn a lot from those who have done this before. I'm thinking it would be a great addition to a gift for any first time parents. Find it on Amazon here

Bath & Body Works Summer Lemon Vanilla lip gloss. I am in no way a lip gloss snob and usually I am ok with off-brand chapstick. Although, I did have a pretty mean lipsmackers collection in high school. Either way, this stuff is the ticket and I may just have to see if I can stock up at the outlet today on our annual girl's day out shopping trip!

Also loving Hulu for making available episodes of the shows I love like Glee, Top Chef All*Stars* and my FAVORITE show, Parenthood.

a few more favorites

2011-03-28T19:03:00.003-04:00

I keep looking at our pictures and feeling happy knowing that this time was captured so perfectly, in this house, and with images that reflect where we are right now. I can't say enough about Christy's kindness in blessing us by giving these pictures as a gift to welcome the next chapter in our life.

I love these next two because they capture our personalities when we are just at home goofing around with each other. Maybe it is because we don't have a tv or are just silly but it did seem pretty natural to just play with our two little wooden sheep that we got in Israel. On a more sentimental note, these little sheep are special to us because they are made from olive wood and were purchased in Bethlehem. They sit on our dresser and serve as a reminder to be faithful in walking the path God is calling us to.

photo shoot preview!

2011-03-26T08:10:00.000-04:00

We had our pictures with Christy on Thursday and it was so much fun to be part of her creative style for a few hours. I really felt like she allowed us to represent ourselves with the pics, from shooting most of them to in our home, to including Toby, oranges (my numero uno craving) and things that are just "us" like commentaries (Ryan). She must know how much her clients can't wait to see their pics because she already posted four of them last night. I am headed later this morning to pick up the rest of the images that she is giving us as a sweet gift & can't wait to share a few more faves!

birds & nests: feeling known

2011-03-23T22:00:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in the quiet of a Wednesday night in our house, after what was probably my second bath as an adult followed by a big bowl of strawberry shortcake and feeling very content. Blessed in fact as I think about the celebration that my sister-in-law Rochelle and some very sweet friends organized last Sunday as my first baby shower.

Rochelle & I

From the moment I walked in the room, I noticed the details down to every last napkin wrapped, every place setting laid and every nest perfectly arranged. And the cake that Dana and Kelsey made, wow! It was perfect and whimsical and fun and I felt like it was all so me. Which made the shower so sweet and as I mentioned before, made me feel so known and loved. Here is just a taste of what the afternoon looked like:

Wasn't the cake amazing?!

I felt so cared for and blessed by seeing women from all areas of my life at Evergreen as this shower was full of friends from small groups, bible studies, youth group, co-staff and simply women that I have grown close with over the past 6 years since we started going to church at EGM.

my table:

Evergreen staff & loved ones:

small group friends & accountability partners:

Of course my Mom was there, right by my side serving in her full future grandma capacity!

Evon made a special trip in just for the afternoon which meant a lot to me, especially since she really didn't know anyone at the shower.

My mother-in-law, Sheryl, Rochelle & I (the hostesses with the mostess):

We played some really fun games where people had to guess things about me, another where they had to play the Price is Right with baby supplies (and I got to keep them all!) and Rochelle also had each table decorate onesies. I wish I had pictures of those but I have to say, they were very creative. My favorite and the "winner" was one that has a giraffe & an elephant on it and then on the butt it reads "JUNGLE LOVE". so cute!

When it came time to open gifts, there was even more attention to detail as Torie had created a little "time to feather Bekah's nest" theme. So many of my friends are creative and talented that I received some very special and meaningful gifts that I can't wait to put to use like adorable burp clothes, hand crocheted blankets, and a custom diaper bag that I got to choose the colors for and will receive in a few weeks (I easily chose green and brown for that). I have to admit, it was a little bit different being on the receiving side versus the giving side and I continue to be very overwhelmed and thankful for people's generosity, support and utter JOY for us as parents. I wish Ryan could have been there in some ways to experience that blessing but it was just as fun to bring things home and share them and I doubt he would like being in a room with that many women for 2 1/2 hours.

I had to include this picture with the monkey outfit because Ryan REALLY likes monkeys on boy's clothing/bedding/anything really. We have both continued to feel like this is going to be a boy (although we will be SO happy either way) but for some reason I have just had that feeling since about the third month. Maybe it because we have a boy name we L-O-V-E and aren't sure on a girl's name yet? Can't wait to find out who is in there!

This was the last picture taken in the day and it includes some of my very favorite friends: Jamie, Kate, Me, Jana, Kelsey

All in all, so blessed and thankful for Rochelle who knows me SO well and made me feel so special!

spring things

2011-03-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

We officially marked the start of spring with our first 2011 run to Captain Sundae's. And when I say run, I mean we got in our car and drove .5 miles to the ice cream shop. We did however talk a walk around the block an hour later to enjoy the light left in the day, even at 8 p.m.

I also busted out a new pair of flats, which to me always marks the changing of seasons and feeling a bit more like myself to be honest. I got them last week at Meijer, for $12.99, jealous? I know some people won't buy their shoes at the same place they buy their groceries but for me, it works. In my defense, they are black patent leather and quite cute.

This time of year always reminds me of spring at TU and hanging out on the front lawn, otherwise known as Olson Beach with my bffs. And as far as the feeling like myself in flats part, I think I am just most comfortable without heels. I like them, think they are pretty but just plain prefer to be level with the ground. It seems like spring may be here to stay and I am loving it!

moving forward

2011-03-20T07:15:00.003-04:00

Yesterday felt like a big day.

In fact, many days right now feel kind of big as decisions are being made and major changes are nearing. For starters, within the past few weeks the conclusion has been made that I will be a full time at-home momma with this little one. I am thrilled about it and feel so incredibly blessed and also a bit surprised that this is how it has all played out. I was hopeful to have the decision made by March 1st for the sake of planning and for preparing my own emotions and heart either way. After many conversations sprinkled with prayer and perspective, it became clear on the last Friday in February that this was the right decision for us in this season.

I'm sure I will write or process more about it later but for now it just felt important to note on the list of "big things". The biggest thing, the yesterday thing, is that our house is officially ready for showing and as weird as it feels to write "for sale", it's time to get it on the market. At 7 1/2 months pregnant it hardly feels like time to do anything besides sit with my feet up and continue to eat oranges in bulk but in all honesty, we feel really confident and comfortable with continuing to move forward. We have NO idea if it will sell quickly, if we will be here for the summer or even for the next year.

I'm excited, nervous, curious, everything in-between, and forcing myself to take one day at a time. I would have never predicted everything that has happened to this point so I know I can't imagine what is next. I will have to take a picture of the pseudo nursery set up downstairs as I had my first shower last weekend and still needed some places to fold & refold cute little onesies, handmade items and lots of other fun tiny things. As the time nears, those things will find a real home but it felt important to have them presentable (yet accessible) for the listing process. *I can't wait to write more about the sweet shower and as soon as I have some pics, you better believe it will be chronicled here!

For now, here are some pics of Home Zweet Home:

Lent, lucky green and in between

2011-03-18T06:00:00.001-04:00

I started the day in my closet looking for something that felt springy yet still fit and came up with the option above. It certainly looks a lot different than it did in that picture (reminiscent from our youth group square dance in September, the week before I found out I was pregnant). Only when I got to the eye doctor today did I realize that it was St. Patty's Day and my ever growing belly was covered in green. Lucky me.

For the sake of festivity I was happy but even more for the sake of rotating a few more pieces into the winter wardrobe as this gorgeous weather makes its way into our days. Which leads me to my next thought; that any other year on a day like today I would have been out pounding the trails and although I got some new running shoes last week, they will not see much more than walks and waddles for a good 3-4 months. Which is truly ok with me but it did feel good to know that the runner's itch that is on a longer-than-usual winter hibernation just may reappear.

Lots of things on my mind as of late that are making the days move quickly and the largest being that we are going to officially be listing our house for sale this weekend. Feeling a lot of peace about the decision and letting it all play out as it will but it has meant a TON of little projects, organization, paint touch-ups, etc. Ryan has willingly stepped into a major role of handyman, painter, sorter, all things that he doesn't naturally love but I think we both sense that after this little one comes, those things will NOT be on the priority list for a while. We are going to be listing it for sale by owner for about a month. If there is no movement in that time, we will take it off for a while while we get used to being parents and then likely list it with a realtor.

But, if you know anything about me, you know I LOVE this house; its' story and its' character. I believe it would be a great home for a little family with its charm and the life we have given it. I say this because I believe it has been and continues to be a gift until God moves us somewhere else. I think it will be a bit of bittersweet when that time comes; fully knowing and trusting it to be the right thing but also always cherishing these days in our first home.

The other thing that has been moving around in my brain in the past week has been the beginning of Lent and the movement towards Easter. I originally had decided not to give anything up for Lent but then realized that the thing that is really lacking in my life right now is free mental space. I haven't realized how to to get there yet but one of the things creating extra noise in my life is technology. So as silly as it sounds, until Easter I am going to read less blogs and reduce my amount of facebook time/use. I am hoping that in exchange, more of the noise I am taking in pertains to what really matters in my life and that it even includes some silence or rest.

And finally, because today was full of funny moments from the St. Patty's Day realization on, this van was in the Target parking lot this afternoon:

It totally made me think of Dumb & Dumber and I couldn't help but share. Happy Friday to you from this little happenstance leprechaun.

May Days

2011-03-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

As we inch closer to the official beginning of Spring and all of the new growth that comes with it, I can't help but reflect on the Mays that have gone by and what they have meant to me.

In May of 2001 Ryan and I began falling in love. As we finished our final year of high school, I began to admit to myself that we were more than just locker buddies and softball/baseball bus ride friends. On May 29 of that year, he held my hand as we graduated from high school and I can honestly say that in that moment, I had no idea what May ten years from then would hold.

For the first four years after we got married, we took a trip each May to Michigan's wine country, going both to southwest MI and Northern MI between those four years. Sometimes with friends, most years just the two of us but those trips always marked the beginning of summertime and a great chance to just get away for a few days.

In May of 2008 and 2009 there were periods of grief and sorrow deeper than we had known as we experienced the losses of our precious little niece and nephew, Grace and Kaden, and watched my sister-in-law and her sweet little family grieve in a way that gave so much credit to God's story.

In May of 2010 we journeyed across the globe to walk the paths and hills that Jesus walked with his disciples. We were blown away by the depth of the story and what the Bible meant to us after that experience. I am particularly thankful for the May of last year because it marks something really sacred in our marriage and in each of our faith journeys.

Later that month, on May 26, 2010, our pastor and friend Larry was hit by a van on a road where he rode his bike daily. Another example of God's provision as the kindle and the macbook in his backpack literally saved his life. Very fitting for someone who loves technology like Ryan does. The end of May had a different tone as we wondered and prayed with the rest of our church community what this meant for Larry and for Evergreen. Amazingly, less than a year later, he was able to return to his place leading our church. This has been a very impactful part of our journey at Evergreen and in our friendship with their family as we have watched them struggle well.

And now as we anticipate this May, I can't help but reflect on God's perfect timing in our lives, to entrust us with a new life to care for and to love. Deuteronomy 6 keeps coming to my mind when I think about the gift that this child is:

4 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

I love this entire passage but that portion especially speaks to me when I think about the opportunity we have to love this baby well by showing them our faith day in and day out. When we talked about starting a family there was so much of me that wanted to plan and yet knew that this was completely out of my hands. And here we are, two months away from another May day that will be set apart in time. I find myself so thankful for all of these May days, for the way they have built my faith, given me memories and prepared me for such a time as this.

a wider view

2011-03-10T14:30:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading the book Safely Home by Randy Alcorn and was deeply encouraged and challenged by what I read.

Here is Amazon's description of the book, although I think it hardly does it justice:

Executive Ben Fielding hits upon a perfect plan: he will make his company millions of dollars by using Chinese labor to manufacture its electronic components. To kickstart his plan, he visits China, where he stays with college roommate Li Quan, whom he hasn't seen in over 20 years. From Li, Ben learns that his initial impressions of China from his research and from visits over the years are false, but Ben doesn't believe Li's stories of the persecution of Christians until Li is taken to jail. As Ben rediscovers Jesus through Li's faith, he discovers the truth that God does not promise an easy life on Earth, only eternal happiness after death. Part of this novel appeared as a short story in The Storytellers' Collection (LJ 9/1/00); here, its strength is magnified tenfold. Alcorn (Lord Foulgrin's Letters) lifts readers high with joy and casts them down in immeasurable sorrow as Ben and Li's story unfolds with intense emotional impact that recalls Sylvia Bambola's Refiner's Fire.

Sadly, it is not often that I think about or pray for the persecuted church at large but it opened my eyes to a whole new world of the reality of believers around the globe who are following and seeking and giving their lives in real and tangible ways. It pushed me to think about the ways I can expose myself on a regular basis to the bigger picture taking place outside of our continent.

A few resources I am aware of and have been encouraged by:

International Justice Mission

Word Made Flesh
*Emily spent a season serving with them in Brazil after we graduated from Taylor & I asked her if she would be willing to be a resource for this topic as well as she works with refugee families and is passionate about this as well. I would encourage you to reach out to her if you need a resource.

Sojourners

Sari Bari

W.A.R. (Women at Risk) International

I would love to hear about how anyone else keeps themselves aware of the happenings of Christians around the world and how we can better pray for them.

right now

2011-03-08T05:00:00.001-05:00

Words are a snapshot of where are in time which is why I love writing and reading other's daily reflections and musings. Ashley's list yesterday made me smile and I thought it would be encouraging to do one of my own. Currently I am:

Loving:
-feeling this baby move so regularly.
-taking each day as it comes.
-seeing grass poke through the snow.
-the thought that I have a summer wardrobe waiting for me that includes lots of flowing tops and not necessarily (although allowed) elastic waistbands.

Not Loving:
-waking up at all kinds of odd hours and pretty consistently from 3-5 a.m.
-not knowing how to make a decision in front of us.

Accomplishing:
-cleaning out every nook and cranny in our house, using facebook and craigslist to list items and taking the rest to goodwill.
-organizing pictures and files on my computer (nesting has taken over my life!)
-walking through some really great stuff that we learned in our discipleship class with Katie.

Preparing:
-to be a mom!
-to list our house for sale as we transition to Grand Rapids for Ryan to start seminary. Which creates a whole additional list of preparing.
-for our maternity pics in a few weeks with Christy by scouring our closets and the sale racks at Motherhood.
-to transition out of my role at Evergreen at the end of April.

Forgetting:
-how I have always felt about control and planning in exchange for God's bigger plan.

Reading:
-Babywise
-the Old Testament, slowly but surely.

Believing:
That God has led our journey this far and will continue to do the same in the days to come.

29 weeks and counting!

2011-03-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Here it is, the bump in effect at 29 weeks. I am definitely getting to that place where people feel comfortable to ask you questions about your pregnancy, rather than that awkward time in between where they think maybe you just put on the winter weight.

My brother reminded me this weekend that if the baby weighs between 2-3 pounds right now it probably needs to triple in size in the next 11 weeks. Which perhaps means I will do the same. So I am holding on for the ride and thankful to be feeling healthy during a busy season at work and while gearing up for the last hurrahs of the spring with the youth group students.

it's saturday.

2011-02-26T09:06:00.004-05:00

and for that I am very happy. Also thankful for another week at a job where I like the people and the clients we serve a whole lot. In a time where we are making several major transitional decisions for our little family, God has been so faithful and I can't help but almost cry thinking about that.

Here are just a few things that strike me today:
_a warm and cozy home
_the dog by my feet
_my hubby who was gone at a retreat this week (I missed him SO much)
_taking one day at a time and being surprised sometimes by the outcome
_good conversations with two of my favorite students this week
_the mcflurry that one of those conversations took place over
_the two women who were my discipleship class accountability partners and are becoming dear friends
_the music of the group Watermark, aka Christy Nockels, which always blesses me

I have not been digging into any more of Ann's book {One Thousand Gifts} but plan to in the next few weeks again now that our Monday night class is over and my brain has a little more space to really sit down with it. However, I emailed Zondervan after first blogging about it and they kindly sent me a copy to give to a friend through a giveaway on here. The very next day I got an email from a friend who I knew would be so blessed by it and without further thought, I put it in the mail to her. I was so happy to be able to do that and still want to honor my commitment to share about Ann's book on here. So there is my promise and my accountability.

What are you thankful for today?

on wanting a van.

2011-02-24T21:27:00.004-05:00

There are certain ways pregnancy seems to prepare you for being a mom. Like the fact that you don't know just how much sleep you will get and you find yourself awake for two hours in the middle of the night. Case and point, last night from 11:30-1:30. No good reason. At least with a baby there is a reason. It also prepares you in advance by the fact that carrying snacks in your handbag becomes a regular thing during these nine months, something that I have to believe comes in handy when there is a kiddo in tow.

However, nothing prepares you for a minivan. Some of us were just born wanting to drive one. Yes, I confess, any residual "cool" factor I have left might just go out the window but I love driving a van. I could attribute it to the fact that I learned to drive with a van or it could be that I just feel at home in one. All I know is that as I drive high-schoolers around on afternoons like today, I anticipate the days when my own kids will be the ones carrying on the conversations about their teachers, their days and the latest love interest. I am not naive to the fact that some days they will be too cool for me or that these conversations take place in hybrid vehicles, cars or trucks. But for now, I dream of a van.

For a little more inspiration on the swagger wagon, you can always throw it back to this hit from last spring. Thank you Toyota for putting my dream to music.

my day off

2011-02-21T17:30:00.001-05:00

Well, sort off. I have been anticipating today for about a month now as a day of major spring cleaning around here. So even though I have the day off, I am filling it with all kinds of cleaning that this organized, yet not into deep-cleaning girl, is not used to. I'm glad I am doing it now because I can't imagine where you put a belly that is nine months pregnant when you scrub your bathtub! And can you get carpal tunnel from scrubbing? I sure think so!

I realized that there are things that I cleaned today that I confess, have not been done in the five years we have lived in this house. I won't tell you what but just know they are major so if you have stayed at my house and seen them, I'm sorry! My companions today are double in number, due to the fact that we are dog sitting for my parents for another day or so. These two aren't any help to my cause:

But they are cute and I am glad someone is taking a nap!

Knowing that today was set aside for such activities, I fully soaked up the weekend and Saturday was blissful on a few levels including being part of Molly's shower. It was such a sweet time with the women that love her, a group from all pieces of her life. I think we are kindred spirits in many ways as we anticipate the arrival of our little ones exactly two weeks apart from one another. We love the little details of ribbon and words and her shower reflected exactly those things, so fitting for Molly. One of my favorite things was the fact that this scripture was incorporated into the time.

We had to document this time in both of our lives with a few pics of course! (notice that we are both rocking the same Liz Lange jeans from Target). Here we are at 30 weeks and 28 weeks:

spring in the air.

2011-02-18T13:00:00.004-05:00

Not sure where the past week went but happy that it included increasing amounts of sunshine. The changing weather and the calendar made me realize that we are on the verge of springtime. The season in which we will have a baby seemed so far out when we heard the little heartbeat for the first time this fall and now here we are, on the edge of it. I got so excited realizing on Wednesday that our due date is only three months away. Which in my work life translates to one quarter and we know how fast 1Q 2010 is going.

Enough of the math, all I know is that amidst the many changes taking place, I am loving sharing this time with Ryan and dreaming about the next season. We have officially decided (or more like God decided for us), that he will be going to Calvin Seminary in the fall which is a big shift from our original thoughts and plans of him attending school in Holland. Somehow, within a matter of two months the plan has been re-routed and the fact that we have so much unity about it makes all of these unknowns bearable, even worth it. We are excited to see all of it play out and trying to focus on the next right thing rather than knowing where all of the pieces fall. Someone wise told Ryan last week that sometimes you have to throw all of the pieces up in the air and ask God to fit them together like a puzzle for whatever He has for you. I thought that was a good analogy and it has given me comfort and even excitement for this season which is VERY unlike me. In fact, I have had probably five people tell me how unlike me it is and I have to laugh because I thought I hid my control freak nature a little better than I had apparently.

So the next few months will include more nesting, more questions, upcoming showers which I am so excited about and watching where these puzzle pieces fall. One more thing that I love, which came at the perfect time, is sharing my creative friends & their ventures. Remember Maggie's cute little store in Nashville? Well we just got a new children's consignment boutique in our neck of the woods, owned by my friend Kristi & her sister. I met Kristi last spring on our Israel trip and this girl is as shining and sparkling on the inside as she is on the outside.

I have realized that life on a seminary budget may look a little different and love the option of second hand things that look like new. Their store is called Little Posh, cute, I know, and I am hoping to get out there in the next few weeks. Even dreaming about doing a little "girl's night out" shopping event there sometime this spring...more to come but for now, check them out here. Happy Friday and enjoy the sunshine!

happy friday

2011-02-11T06:00:00.002-05:00

I heard this song for the first time this morning and it made me smile:

more here.

Also Happy Friday to Marsha who won the Shutterfly giveaway!

"for such a time as this"

2011-02-09T18:00:00.001-05:00

egm first annual women's retreat in review:

the digs: City Flats Hotel, downtown Holland.

the crew: Laura & I plus two of our high school students, sisters Alyssa & Katie who helped us with hospitality stuff for the weekend.

the other half of our team: Sally & Jodi who handled all of the registration plus emceed the event.

the lovely venue for our sessions: Trendway's downtown showroom which was literally right across the street from the hotel and perfect to hold our 70 retreat guests.

Our two speakers blessed us so much. Friday night we heard from Christine Mutch, who works at Cornerstone University in GR to disciple students. Her testimony of God's story in her life over the past 8 years was so touching. At the age of 28 she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and has now been in remission since that time and believes in God's call to live fully in each day. She also happens to be one of of Laura's college roommates.

If that wasn't enough, we came back Saturday to hear more from Marla Rotman, local coffee shop frequenter (takes one to know one) who is passionate about sharing her story of recovery and hope. Marla is one of the funniest people I have met in a long time and because she is also one of Laura's close friends, we got to share a room with her Friday night and stayed up until after midnight sharing stories.

We had some free time on Saturday to go downtown Holland and explore shops, catch lunch and just relax. We came back to end the weekend with what I think was one of the highlights of our time. We chose four women from Evergreen whose stories God has used in powerful ways and were reminded through them that sometimes going through times that are really difficult are later the things that God gives us to minister to others.

Overall the weekend really exceeded our expectations and I was glad so many women got to come out and take part in it. There were some new friends made, friendships deepened and lots of reminders of the great things taking place already in our community of women.

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"
-Esther 4:14b

sick day: link love

2011-02-08T11:33:00.004-05:00

Well, I haven't left the house in three days now and surprisingly I am not going stir- crazy. Could be the fact that I am sleeping around the clock to try and get well so I can get back into the swing of things. Nothing to be majorly concerned about, just a sore throat and cough that has left me with no choice but to sleep, drink lots of water, and another good reason to eat oranges (STILL my craving of choice).

With that, I have had some extra time to visit my favorite sites and while I can't wait to share about the retreat this weekend, I thought I would give you a few of these lovelies first:

today's letters. Where have I been? This blog is fresh and chooses to enjoy the little things in life and in marriage. Also good to know that the mrs. is a TU grad. Check out their about page to read more of their story and the ways they have grown in their marriage.

Molly has been successfully blogging everyday for the past twenty days and has committed to doing so for eighty more. Especially unique because those are the 100 days before her first baby is to come into this world. I especially loved her thoughts on her dog Kruger being her trusty companion, so fitting for my last three days in bed.

Always love my hubby's perspective and have been appreciating his thoughts right now on the story of Abraham as we go through a 8 week series with our high school students. More here.

offermatic. Can we say obsessed? Like groupon but more. It sends you deals based on how you already spend and freebies for things you do. Send me an email: bekah_wallace@yahoo.com, if you want to sign up. (that way I get points too!)

Loved Amanda's list today on how to simplify life. So practical and refreshing to think that changes just start with small steps.

a little reminder, that I posted a shutterfly giveaway that ends on Thursday night. Go here for the rules and to enter.

My favorite indulgent blog. Hollywood Housewife. different than she sounds and yet so refreshing on a regular basis as she journeys through a life I will never know but love to read about from afar. Especially loved her recent series on her true life love story.

My friend Christy's phototography site. She recently offered to do some maternity pics for us as a barter for some computer/printer updates she needs in her home and studio offices. I have know Christy for 6 years and have loved watching her business blossom since she first started taking pics on the side while she was an art teacher. Now to decide what to wear & when (aka, how big do I want to be)?. Open to all insight!

Last but CERTAINLY not least, Kelly & her husband David are adopting from South Korea and have designed some rocking t-shirts with this logo to help raise funds and awareness:

Check out their blog for more info on ordering a shirt and for the coffee lovers, they also have an adoption coffee store here where $5 from each bag purchased goes towards their bringing their little one home. What a cool way to be able to support them!

what links are you loving lately?

blizzards and blessings...

2011-02-04T08:26:00.005-05:00

As I watched my neighbors dig my car out Wednesday morning, still a bit unsure WHY I was going to work in the mess of Snowmageddon 2011, I was struck by how kind it was of them to make sure our driveway was clear for me to get to work (even though everything else in town was closed). Ok, I'm over it, really. They bought us lunch at work and let us go at 3:00 so it wasn't too bad. Back to Wednesday morning. Once I was able to scale the heights of the snow drifts and make my way onto the roads I realized that without the 4 wheel in the suburban I was driving, I wouldn't have made it anywhere.

Yup, the 'burb that the friends who are living in Lebanon for a few years kindly gave us to "keep running" for them until they get back for the summer in April. Just when we thought we were going down to one car for awhile, that blessing dropped into our lap and although we try to stick to using it moderately, it has come in handy more than once. Days like Wednesday, the times we needed to transport things, help friends move & not fight over who was going to drop the other off to have the car for the day, the suburban has been a surprise blessing.

It got me thinking about the other things along the journey of the past few months that have just "dropped into our laps". Like the beautiful crib & dresser set that friends just happened to set aside in their garage sale before they even knew we were pregnant. They thought $100 was a fair price and we knew that was more of them being gracious and basically giving us a huge gift and we took it. A blessing. And then there are the 4 or 5 friends whose clothes are gracing my wardrobe as my belly expands, boxes they just happened to set aside for whoever wanted to borrow them. Cute stuff too, like fitted old navy tees, classy dress clothes, funky dresses, you name it. I seriously have too many options right now and that is ALWAYS a blessing. I did go ahead and buy a few pairs of jeans for myself, staples that are a must have right now but besides that, I am pretty set.

I could go on and on if I sat here for a bit longer but a Friday morning off means that I need to get myself moving for the weekend's activities. I just think it is good to reflect on the surprise blessings that come our way once in awhile. So I have one more for YOU. I have a $20 shutterfly gift card that is good until the end of March that I want to bless someone else with. Here is the catch: you can't use it for yourself. Whatever you use it for has to be something to bless someone else. For example, a photo book a special trip they took, a mousepad with your face to grace their workspace, a Valentine's day gift for someone you love or a photo calendar of their family. Tell me all about who you plan to bless with it and how. I will announce a winner on Friday so be sure to let me know by Thursday night who you plan to bless!

reason 4,786 why I do youth group.

2011-02-01T21:54:00.002-05:00

the leaders. was reminded tonight of the crazy things we do to make the kids laugh and it made me thankful for this time in our lives with these people.

a shift

2011-01-30T09:00:00.001-05:00

I have a lot on my mind lately and much of it has to do with a shift I feel taking place. Since the beginning of the year I have been processing/reading/thinking more about the transition of going from we to three in our little family and what that means for me as a wife and in the spring, as a mother.

There is so much energy around preparing not only in the physical sense as this baby swirls and kicks (most often at night when I want to sleep) but also in a deeper spiritual and emotional sense. It is hard for me to put into words but a lot of it has to do with knowing that the next season comes with the need for balancing time and creating space for us to have rest. Our rhythms are changing.

Some of what I have been filling my thoughts with are a result of the 6 week class Ryan is teaching this winter on Discipleship. It is pushing me to think how about I study, learn, and mentor others. I'm learning a lot and loving spending time each week with two women I already love in our little accountability group. It is also an awesome thing to see Ry in a place where he is sharing something he is so passionate about and I am really thankful that he gets to do this right now.

I also recieved this book on Friday

I have been aware of Ann as a writer for a little while now through her blog A Holy Experience and have always thought that she has a beautiful perspective on a full life. When I saw the cover of the book, of course the bird's nest drew me in but as I delve into it, I am finding there is so much more depth than I even anticipated. It is challenging my thoughts and heart in light of what it means to REALLY be thankful from a theological standpoint and how that flows into everyday life. It's beautiful and raw, filled with pain and with grace at the same time.

There are some online resources available because it JUST came out, like a book club where you can read the first chapter and get a taste of Ann's style. I think it will be just me and the pages as I read it but wanted to share those in case it would bless you.

At the risk of sounding ultra serious, there have also been some REALLY fun things to look forward to right now. Next weekend is our church's first ever women's retreat that we have been planning since this fall. We have two really cool speakers coming, Laura & I are sharing a room at the ultra-chic City Flats Hotel and we will get a chance to hang out with 60 other women for a day downtown Holland. Besides the sheer fact that I love conferences for the snack breaks and goody bags (just being honest). And since I got to put those two things together, I know they are pretty great.

Also looking forward to upcoming weekends with friends, showers on the horizon and anticipating the weather changing in a few short months to be able to get outside more often! We registered this weekend and picked out a jogging stroller that I will be happily rolling along in the sunshine this spring while Ryan walks Toby along side of me and the babe. I think we surprised ourselves at how well registering went compared to our wedding registry experience which left us at odds over dishes and towels. This time around we tried to just have fun with each other and be thankful that we have people in our live generous enough to merit a registry.

I feel like I am being stretched in so many ways right now but sitting down and writing it out gives so much perspective. Looking forward to a restful Sunday and a new week.

nesting is real.

2011-01-23T14:10:00.000-05:00

I am in full swing clean the house, get rid of things we don't need mode around here. For example, I am pulling all furniture out to clean behind it, dreaming of stacks to take to Goodwill, dying to go through both of our closets for things we don't wear (with the exception of my future wardrobe when I am no longer wearing stretchy top pants) and find myself listing things on Craigslist here and there.

Proof that nesting is real. In other pregnancy related news, the clumsiness has begun as well. I dropped not one but two glasses this week. Thankfully no one was hurt in the process. I am still feeling great and looking forward to my six month check up this week to find out how this little one is doing.

seeking clarity

2011-01-20T15:45:00.000-05:00

I love the way this picture, taken on our recent CA trip, displays so much detail of the elements in the foreground but leaves the rest somewhat blurry.

It is a pretty accurate picture of how I feel about my life right now. I know we are going to have this baby in 4 months about which I am so excited. I know that my husband will be seminary student which feels like the next right thing. But what lies between then and now and even after that seems a bit unknown in several ways. I am learning about clarity in the day and being ok with knowing less and trying to trust more.

Since the beginning of the year I have struggled to put words and lists to goals for the year, something I usually like to wrap my mind around as I look over a blank calendar, open with possibilities. We spent last weekend up north with the entire youth group staff, all 10 of us cozied up in a cabin big enough to spread out and share thoughts and perspectives. A big part of the weekend was looking at our strengths as part of the team building Ryan, Laura & I have been dreaming about. And something struck me. Most of my strengths lie in relationships, in developing others and sharing life with people. It became clear to me that my goals center around my relationships and everything else flows out of those goals.

It has also become quite clear to me that my contentment and planning for this baby have shifted due to the said unknowns. I haven't planned my dream nursery, in fact I haven't planned anything really yet and in some ways it has been freeing for me and other ways it has been terrifying to have zero control over this path. All I know is that right now I am finding clarity and contentment in taking one day at time. Let me rephrase that more accurately, I am fighting for clarity and contentment one day at a time.

God gave me this verse the other night which struck a chord with my heart right now:

Habakkuk 3:19
The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights.

When we were in Israel we learned about praying that we would have feet for the path, rather than praying for a certain path. This verse took my mind and my heart back to that lesson.

Praying for feet for the path.

currently loving: citrus

2011-01-13T19:24:00.003-05:00

This is me at a road side stand in California, happier than a lark because we found fresh fruit, something I cannot get enough of right now. Cravings are such a funny thing but all I know is that a major glass of oj in the morning and an orange or two throughout the day make me so happy.

Poor Ryan, he was left to take artsy pics of fruit while I joyful dug through the bins for the biggest ones. Here is to hoping that I get my cravings for some good ice cream & coffee drinks back this summer!

California 2011

2011-01-11T21:00:00.014-05:00

A week with my best friend and my heart is full to the brim.
This trip was nothing short of celebratory as Ryan finished his degree from Moody at the end of December and we find ourselves dreaming about all this new year will hold, like becoming parents to this ever growing bundle:

We had such a great time exploring the cities and coastlines, laughing and talking, eating amazing meals and seeing new sites. Ryan really made it special for me by planning lots of little surprises along the way and for the first time, this type A girl completely reveled in the unknown. Here are a few of my favorite adventures from the week as they unfolded.

Driving along the coastline of Highway 1:

Spending three three days in a place where we could start and end the days with walks on the beach; filling the moments in between with lazy cups of tea and conversation:

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And the city. We have both always loved the city and neither of us had been to San Francisco before so we rode every mode of transportation possible (except maybe a segway). We walked up and down the historic streets, visited the modern parts of town, saw a show at Berkeley, jumped on and off the trolley & had the best bowl of clam chowder ever at Fisherman's Wharf:

We also learned that Alcatraz wasn't as completely desolate and dark as we thought. There is some inspiring conservation and sustainability work going on there that made our tour so much fuller:

It felt like the new year was on hold for a week being away and now the next little bit of life is starting to unfold with decisions to be made, a nursery to dream about and days to enjoy but I have a feeling that we will always be thankful for California!

dear 2010,

2010-12-27T21:20:00.001-05:00

In honor of my tradition of writing a Christmas letter, I decided that this year I would write that letter here. Without further ado.

Dear 2010,
You surprised me, overwhelmed me, blessed me and left me looking forward to another 365 days. Beginning in January with our last minute trip to Passion2010, you placed a new L-O-V-E for college students in my heart and planted a little seed of wonder about working with them in some context in the future. My husband loved them too so that made that seed grow even more.

You made life hard to understand at times and I learned that to forgive is better than to be bitter and that the story going on in life is so much bigger than me. I was reminded time and time again that even in the midst of battling with life, flowers and friendships help reveal God's grace and beauty when it seems a bit dark.
.
It became obvious once again that my brother will always be one of my very best friends and I realized that the same is becoming true for Ryan's friendship with him.

I fell in love with my husband time and time again, as he challenged me, loved me through my hard times and showed me what it looks like to grow. I think spending the summer with these 6 students and his passion towards doing life with them and teaching them has something to do with it as well.

We journeyed through 15 days of of a life changing adventure with new friends and something shifted deep within us and our marriage as a result of our time in Israel.

And no matter how much traveling we do, we always settle on the cottage as one of our top vacation destinations.

Somewhere along the way this year I became even more of a homebody, re-sparked my love for reading and decided to take my writing more seriously. Meeting my favorite author wasn't too shabby either.

I learned the freedom of getting things off my chest with writing regularly about a few little confessions here, here, here and most recently here.

And here you have brought me, halfway through growing our first child who we will see tomorrow in our 20 week ultrasound. I couldn't be more amazed at this blessing and the miracles and wonders of the next year are beyond me.

Although I am writing this letter to you 2010, I think the true author of this year has been God and I am thankful for grace and second chances He has offered me every single day.

19 weeks and the eve of my favorite Eve

2010-12-23T19:28:00.006-05:00

I took a picture of myself in the mirror to document the fact that this may have been the last time I will wear my favorite jeans for awhile.
Pre-Christmas at 19 weeks:

Looking forward to our last Christmas Eve as a family of two, three if you include Toby, which we definitely do. Christmas Eve, is one of my very favorite days of the year because of all of the traditions that we keep as a family. Here are my thoughts on it from last year at this time.

I spent the afternoon finishing up a few homemade gifts, cleaning a bit for the out of town guests who arrive late tomorrow night and now I am just plain relaxing, soaking in a quiet night and looking forward to tomorrow morning holding more of the same. I decided not to do my annual Christmas letter this year for the sake of not doing it all. Instead, I will be collecting my thoughts and reflecting on 2010 in the next few days and write a little letter to my blog about the year. Until then, Merry Christmas! Peace, Love & Joy

And a partridge in a pear tree...

2010-12-15T22:03:00.006-05:00

(image taken from here)

I know the song is the 12 days of Christmas and we are 10 days out from the day itself but this song has been on my mind ever since I lost the final Jeopardy question for our youth group team last Sunday night. I couldn't remember how many maids-a-milk, swans-a-swimming or any other thing besides the partridge, lucky bird. (here is the list if you need a refresher yourself).

So in order to redeem my caroling status and to share some thoughts, I thought I might share 12 out of the ordinary type gifts that I have been reflecting on. It all started with Ryan's post earlier this week about struggling well with the balance of what Christmas should look like (I especially like his conclusion about mistletoe). But more seriously, I do think it is important to take a moment or two to keep our perspective about the shopping, the decorations and busyness. Or as my favorite author tweeted this week:
"My grown-up thought for today: If this season feels crowded/frantic/shallow, my choices allowed that to happen. And I can make changes."-Shauna Niequist

With those thoughts, I give you my 12 gifts of Christmas list, thinking outside of the box about what we can give others this year.

1. grace. after all, His mercies are new every morning.

2. the benefit of the doubt. Who knew that the Subway girl today making my toasted tuna with honey mustard with the sleeve tattoos was going to be so polite and awesome?!

3. a second chance. if you believe a relationship or situation is worthwhile, give it your all and allow it surprise you.

4. hope. whether it be to pursue a dream or just to keep going another day, let's not hold back from giving one another the gift of hoping even in dark times.

5. your words. in written form by poem, letter or song, tell someone how you cherish them or what they do that you appreciate everyday.

6. a good book with a personalized note. I love when someone takes the time to think about what I might enjoy or believes in something they have read so much that they want to share it. That book for me this year was The Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall & Denver Moore.

7. Your time. Carve out an afternoon for coffee & window shopping, a dinner in cooking together or breakfast at your favorite cafe. I know it is old school but I love the idea of receiving a "coupon" for a date with someone I love spending time with.

8. tickets to an event you know they would enjoy & free babysitting for the night if they have little ones.

9. A gift in their honor to an organization you know they believe in. Erich & Ryan decided that the three of us would do this for our gifts to one another this year and I love them for it. I can't take any credit but have a few ideas about organizations I believe are making an impact:
Kids Food Basket in Grand Rapids, providing meals to kids who otherwise don't have consistent food.
Under the Fig Tree, an organization our friend Brad is a part of that equips leaders and continues to walk with people on their faith journey.
There are SO many more, choose one that blesses the person you are gifting and I know they will be so touched to know that instead of giving them a new scarf from the Gap, you gave someone a meal.

10. a homemade gift. It can be a set of glass ornaments that you fill with something fun, a stack of homemade stationary tied with a ribbon or whatever your specialty is but a homemade gift always shows the time and energy you were willing to put into something.

11. A photo book from Shutterfly, Snapfish, whatever online photo site you prefer. So many of us take so many digital photos and never take the time to print them out into a form we can enjoy them in. You may have to get sneaky on this one to upload your loved ones' photos or you may have some but I think everyone enjoys preserved memories of a cherished family vacation, a wedding, a new baby or just a year in review.

12. And finally, a partridge in a pear tree. I had to add that one!

I hope you are finding yourself encouraged in this season amidst the parties and holly and even stealing a moment under the mistletoe- a gift to both involved!

confessions

2010-12-06T20:13:00.004-05:00

* I may drink hot chocolate just for the marshmallows.
* I am too lazy to upload the recent pics I have taken but wish my posts had more pictures lately, thanks for reading anyways!
* I can't make pasta without having the water boil ever. It happens EVERY time.
* The last time I deep cleaned my bathroom is beyond me. Gross, I know but I seem to be happy with doing just enough to get by in that department sometimes.
* I am truly loving the little bump developing around my middle and for the first time in a long time, I feel so at home in my own skin.
* My commitment to writing feels a bit like working out sometimes, I don't always love getting ready to do it and find every excuse not to, but when I do, I swear the same endorphins buzz through me (minus the calorie burning).
* Sometimes when I get up in the morning and see all of this snow I consider for a moment, just a short moment, going back to bed and covering up in my flannel sheets to pretend that it is Saturday.
* I just checked out The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and it is due in a mere seven days. I fully intend to give the 600 pages of it my best effort in that time.

these are my confessions (cue Usher lyrics)
what do you need to get off YOUR chest?

official marker of Christmas

2010-12-06T19:02:00.005-05:00

To me, the first Christmas card signals that the holiday season is officially here. I get out my fancy card holder that I got a few years ago on a post-Christmas sale and carefully arrange and rearrange the cards as they come in. Most importantly, the ones with the pictures must be in clear view. I think I am going to do both a picture and a letter this year, for the sake of loving both.

As I sit here and drink my hot chocolate (read: eat marshmallows by the fist full) I am browsing through a few fun layouts on Shutterfly, thinking gleefully about all of the friends who do picture cards. Here are a few I love:

A little mix of eclectic & a touch of dark brown through each of those I really dig. Especially important is the message on third one of peace, love & joy, elements that I believe should be part of us year round. You will just have to wait and see which one I choose!

I am about halfway done with my gift giving and the calendars on here caught my eye as well & I am tucking that idea away for a gift for the grandparents-to-be for next year. But that is next year, and this is this year so I better get a little more creative for the time being before anything with our child on it will count as a worthy gift! For tonight I am focusing on sitting by the tree, drink in hand and soaking up the quiet between parties .

loving lately: December edition

2010-12-01T22:17:00.007-05:00

In no particular order:
1. Subway! toasted? why of course!

2. the fact that the holiday season is officially under way with tomorrow kicking off a stream of holiday parties including:
*our annual client event which is always hard to believe we get paid to plan because it makes life at work so much fun. For example, today I designed menus and nametags for the big day tomorrow at the fancy JW Marriott in Grand Rapids. What to wear?!
*next week's cookie exchange with Amber
at her mom-in-laws, I continue to love connecting with her and am thankful that
friendships do transcend the electronic world

3. the snowy nights now that my tree is all set up

4. using the crockpot to make easy meals, tonight it was simple with these ingredients:
1. chicken
2. one bottle of BBQ sauce, Sweet Baby Ray's of course
3. a little onion salt--second in line to real onion but you use what you have
*let all ingredients cook all day, shred the meat and you have so many options!

5. looking forward to hearing the baby's heartbeat again on Friday! 4 months already and feeling so great

6. OFFICIALLY deciding as a couple that we are not going to find out at our 20 week ultrasound what we are having! I surprise even myself sometimes but the more I have thought about it, the more excited I am to have it be a mystery until this little one's b-day!

7. Christmas cards!! I love any mail that breaks up the usual junk and bills routine that I go through when I pick up the mail. I used Groupon to score a great deal for our first batch of cards with pictures and I just got an email that those are on their way to me. I can't wait to see them and am conflicted a bit because for the past 2 years I have also written a Christmas letter and just included a pic in it. I may have to upgrade the whole thing this year and do both!

what are you loving lately now that we are officially in December?

lists, leftovers and longings

2010-11-29T21:26:00.005-05:00

I know I am few days late on my Thanksgiving list but I think we can always practice thankfully thinking, hence my blog name. So here are a few items that made the list this year as we had the chance to write a few on a brick & build a monument of thankfulness like we do each year at our church's Thanksgiving service.

--our new niece born just two days before the holiday
--the chance to be parents together--so thankful for this one!
--our trip to Israel this year and how much it impacted us

I always love to see the bricks stacked one upon another, a physical representation of God's faithfulness in a year filled with so many with struggles and joy for each family represented. It felt good to be able to see the pillars of goodness build something substantial out of corporate thankfulness.

After the Thanksgiving meal itself was enjoyed, we spent the majority of the last few days at home with quiet space to craft, wrap a few presents and all the while enjoy the fruits of others' cooking labors....leftovers! Quite possibly as good as the first time around. I keep thinking about this time next year, of how different it will be to have a little baby around and quite honestly, I can't wait!

as promised

2010-11-23T07:00:00.001-05:00

Introducing Ashlyn Grace, our beautiful new 6lbs of goodness niece. We love her already and can't wait to give her a little cousin to play with this spring!

her namesake, taken from Isaiah 61:
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

weekend update

2010-11-22T11:38:00.003-05:00

This weekend I determined two of God’s gifts in this season of my life:
sleep
carbs

In no particular order, both are better than ever, even in the second trimester when it is no longer about surviving days. I officially slept over 12 hours on BOTH Friday & Saturday evening and when I wasn’t sleeping, enjoyed a great date night out with Ry-one of the first in a while it seems where I haven’t begged off plans in exchange for sitting side-by-side on the couch. We lived it up and split our favorite burger, the Whiskey River, at Red Robin where I forced myself to also order a side salad to compliment the fries and other goodness.

I have thought about, looked at, despised, loved and been sick of food in general over the past few months more than I care to admit yet at the same time, there is something in me that is committed to nurturing this baby well, with an occasional burger here and there, but balancing those out with good things. I have always been interested in healthy eating but I think this little one is helping me heal some places that don’t know boundaries with food and it’s amazing to me how my body keeps telling me what I need. In addition to the great food, we just had a fun date together and it felt good to be out, enjoying time with my hubby. I haven’t thought about yet the MAJOR changes that having a child will evoke in our relationship specifically as much as I have thought about how he/she will change our life. Thankful there is a 9 month period from beginning to end to prepare and learn some of these things together.

As far as the rest of the weekend, on Saturday we dug into some more home projects and by that I mean Ryan dug into some home projects and I ran to get Subway for the workers and did some minor yard work. I also got to spend a few hours with my little nephew Lucas while his momma ran some last minute errands before sweet pea arrives TODAY! I finally get to become an aunt to my little niece this afternoon and God is so good. After the loss that Rochelle and Steve have been through, I am so happy and thankful to meet their healthy little girl. I can’t wait to get the call and hear all about her- I’m sure pics are to follow after we visit her tonight and next Sunday we will be doing a postponed Thanksgiving celebration with the whole fam including this little one- so much to be thankful for!

Sunday was more good stuff; church and then on our way out, literally as we were driving out, some friends rolled down their window and invited us to breakfast for lunch at their house with their 4 fun kiddos. We haven’t hung out with them in probably two years, and at that time they had two kids but have since adopted two more from Ethiopia so now have two boys and two girls, who taught me to play golf with skip-bo cards and made us laugh over a feast of French toast made with bagels, hashbrowns, bacon and scrambled eggs hot off the griddle. I also got a chance to sit at the kitchen counter with Tami after the meal and over full mugs (decaf) talk about life and friendships and everything in between. I have a feeling these next few weeks will fly by as we cruise into the holiday season and I’m looking forward to more weekends of sleep, carbs and whatever else is to come.

comings and goings

2010-11-18T20:37:00.003-05:00

In retrospect, the last two days have been such good days. I mean that in the simplest of ways really as they were normal and included things like work and laundry, waking up in the middle of the night several times (insomnia already!?) and forcing myself to do something active.

What made them great though were the people I shared them with. Last night playing Mexican train dominoes over pizza & ice cream with hot fudge with two girl friends, this morning pancakes and coffee with Allison in the quiet of her kitchen, and tonight hosting friends with Ry for a simple meal of chicken tacos with lots of little bowls, my favorite kind of meal. I feel like I am starting to recognize the ways in which my efforts to make a quieter life for myself are paying off and the value of making choices I feel good about in regards to time spent with people and time spent alone. It seems like when life was barreling forward at higher speeds, I was able to see the blessings but not soak them in as freely as nights like these. I was always thinking of what was coming next and wasn't able to look backwards at the everyday moments that make up something that matters.

So tonight, what matters to me is that Katie and I sat at the table and got real, about things we are learning and things we are struggling to learn. And it matters that as I type, Ryan is sitting in the other room, sharing our home with a friend like we haven't in a while. I'm learning, again, that hospitality is less about our dishes and menus and more about allowing people to have space in our homes, to feel like they are welcome here and that they have an invitation to be where they are.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that the last two days, I was on the receiving end and the giving end and thankful for both.

happiness in a little red cup

2010-11-14T15:28:00.003-05:00

Oh yes, it is that time of year, when Starbucks gives red cups and I surrender a cool $4.25 for a taste of gingerbread heaven. I had my first decaf latte today, and I have to say, it was actually really good. There is something about the tradition of holiday tastes that always leaves me feeling a big more satisfied.

I considered writing this week about the "h" word. No, I have not taken up a new habit of swearing but the hormones I have been experiencing in the past 7 days have taken me for a little bit of a loop. I'm thankful to be feeling human again as far as the ability to live on less than 12 hours of sleep a night and think that this is really all part of the journey. Part of my emotions are tied to all of the changes taking place right now, in my home, myself, our life together. We are on the brink of making some more decisions, which truly are not new ones but the timing of them seems to be coming together. So the little baby steps, like the new wood floors being placed in the kitchen not only thrill me but scare me a little bit about the possibility of moving and doing things to prepare our home for that.

We have talked more and more about moving to Holland over the past year or so and as it becomes more of a reality I go between wanting to cocoon myself and dreaming about making a new space our own. Ryan reminded me that either way, the wood floor will be lovely, for us or for someone else. He is also a mere 4 weeks away from finishing a degree that is a few years in the making and I am thrilled for him to have a break from being a student, to apply formally to grad school (seminary) and to start to move forward on the things he has wanted to do in this next season. What I realized is that I have to take things as they come and not let these days pass me by without taking note of all of the wonderful changes.

Including buying my first pair of maternity jeans. I'm sensing that I will thank myself Thanksgiving day when I can fully breathe while sitting down to that meal or more realistically, all day grazing on leftover turkey, pieces of pie and homemade mashed potatoes. I may be the only person who was ever happy about a smaller and more limited section to shop in but I really like the dark wash, straight leg ones that will soon be paired with some of my longer tops, layers and long necklaces.

I am also using this time to hone in on my writing as it has been out there for a little while now and continues to be really important to me. I am going to enter a writing contest, with a deadline and judges and everything and I don't want to put my eggs in one basket but instead, I want to use this as accountability to move forward with something that is important to me to do. So with that, I am back to it, to use the good vibes of this gingerbread latte in my hand to press on.

my creative friends: giveaway winner

2010-11-08T18:25:00.005-05:00

Wowzers. You guys blew me away with your ideas after my plea for DIY Christmas gifts. I am so inspired and you filled my brain with ideas from magnets to bobby pin flowers, button earrings to homemade goodies!

Ahh. I love it! And with the help of random.org which always makes me feel better about choosing a winner because I don't want to play favorites, the winner is Kelly! Email me your address & I will gladly send this your way:

speaking of creating...

2010-11-04T16:00:00.001-04:00

God has been doing some pretty amazing creating of his own in our lives, knitting together this little one I am carrying. I am so thrilled to share that Ryan and I will be parents in May and we feel so blessed already.

It has been incredibly fun to share with friends & family and to FINALLY get to hear the heartbeat this week made it even more real to me. It seems like every day I wake up thankful, for a healthy pregnancy and for the chance to experience this part of life.

I am already learning so much about how little control we really have in our lives and feeling challenged to just surrender this journey to Him. It is amazing to think about how much will change in the next 6 months as we go from two to three and I'm really glad we have had this time with just the two of us, to learn together and to have had so many great adventures before we embark on this one.

I mean, just look at us, we look like responsible adults, right? Hehe, I like to think that the best adventures are yet to come.

the need to create

2010-11-03T20:45:00.000-04:00

I've been itching in my skin to do some major creating lately which means I haven't done any in way too long. My need has been playing itself out by my picking back up where I left off in my writing and starting to dream about creating Christmas presents for those I love. I know, it is a bit early but a girl needs a good reason to dream once in awhile.

The book event on Monday further affirmed that within me and before I go any further, I must say that the word that comes to mind with the whole evening was simply "lovely". Everything from the chapters that Shauna read to the conversation that followed, it was a blessing to be part of it and having Molly by my side as the perfect companion made it even sweeter. We have both been so blessed by Shauna's writing and it just affirmed what we knew was true, that words shared have meaning and that stories matter.

And so does creating, so I am going to spend part of my evening scouring my favorite craft sites to see what I can be inspired by. I have some friends who just started making their own homemade vanilla extract for gifts, in cute little glass jars (I didn't know vanilla beans + vodka + time= vanilla but it is true!). I have considered doing some type of food related gifts, like taking balls jars and filling them in layers with soup mix, or even better, the ingredients for something sweet. I am convinced there is a way to update this gift idea in a way that isn't country bumpkinish. Maybe updated labels or including a fun whisk or mixing spoon would add some flair?

pics taken from this site

With that in mind, here is a little giveaway to get your creative juices flowing. I also have on hand a few little embellishments of my own from Uppercase Living (like a chocolate brown pine cone sticker that needs to find a new home on a vase filled with something fun--will post pics when I find that perfect thing).

This "family" embellishment is all yours, in either black or cream and I think it would look wonderful on a frame with a black & white pic, on a wall collage, on a platter for your mother-in-law or even on an old shabby chic window as such:

I want to know what you are inspired by and creating right now! Also open to other DIY Christmas gifts! Leave me some inspiration in the form of a comment by Monday night at 6 p.m. to enter. Happy Creating!

please, read this

2010-10-28T21:53:00.004-04:00

In my continued voracious appetite for words as of late, I came across a book worthy of attention that I wanted to share:

"The Help" by Kathryn Stockett was a wonderful picture into southern life in a different time, that of women having full-time house help and the relationships between those women and those who truly served them with their lives. My eyes were opened not only to the lifestyle, the inequalities and the trials, but also the joys and the gladness shared. It was an offering of thought that maybe our human experiences are closer than we think in some ways. I ate up every one of the 464 pages in a matter of 5 short days. I know, this means I didn't do much else besides sleep, work and eat in those days but it was that good.

I have believed for a long time that words are important and have taken a sabbatical from creating my own words, something that re-reading "Bittersweet" before Monday's event with Shauna Niequist has reminded me is vital to my lifeblood, even if just for my own personal expression. Something inside me opens up when I read good words, whether it be on blogs, on page or in God's word. So I am committing to diving back into my own words on paper, giving them attention again and seeing where the pen takes me.

What words have you read lately that mean something to you?

epicurious: fresh eating?

2010-10-26T20:00:00.000-04:00

Ok friends, I realize, I have not posted pictures in a while. And I think posts are 100% better with visual aid so I am happy to say I got over my "but then I have to upload them and everything" phase for the sake of displaying my thoughts this evening.

I have found myself involved in more than one conversation as of late about the film Food Inc, eating locally by participating in a community share garden and food in general. The last one is nothing new, I have always loved the topic. However, I am starting to become more curious about what pursuing more local eating would look like. Even on the level of making a more concerted effort to get to the farmer's market to get these weekly:

I'm trying to be reasonable here, after all, it was only a short 3 or 4 months ago that I first publicly confessed a new love for McDonalds. But something in me says that eating fresh ingredients and supporting local producers is a bit more sustainable love. So as I explore this interest, here is the outpouring of it that took place in my quiet little kitchen tonight.

Chopping lots and lots of veggies:

Tossed with lots of this:

And a generous amount of seasonings because I tend to underseason; I used salt, pepper, basil and a few generous dashes of the cute little seasoning below that I received back in February as part of Jodi's cooking demo party:

From there I shook it up, potatoes, broccoli, tomatoes, onion, carrots and all and baked for 45 minutes at 425, stirring a couple of times along the way.

I also took my shaking bowl, added a few more pinches of seasoning and tossed some chicken in there (my own shake & bake) and baked that side-by-side with the veggies for good measure. As much as I could live on carbs alone, I think part of this whole eating healthy things means balance so I thought that might even things out a bit. I baked the chicken for 30 minutes, covered with foil because of the blazing heat of the oven and it turned out great.

In other pursuits of health, the countdown is on to our weekend getaway to the cottage, one of our favorite places in life. 3 days until there is only a quiet lake, sleeping in, taking naps and hoping it rains so we have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

sometimes a song comes along

2010-10-21T18:05:00.002-04:00

And it says so much about something meaningful. I don't know much about the artist Andrew Peterson, but I love this new song of his "Dancing in the Minefields". It is about marriage and beautiful describes the tenderness of how vulnerable marriage is and how Christ's promises and love for us are the things allowing our marriages to survive life's minefields and flourish.

I have been thinking a bit lately on what it means to be married 5 years. I am always proud to be connected with my husband and as we continue to progress on life's journey together I find myself realizing just what a gem he is. Sometimes it's hard, being a person with strong convictions and independence, being paired with someone with equal and vocal convictions. It used to be a lot easier to do our own thing, side-by-side. But we are learning, year by year, to respect one another's growth and process and asking God to intertwine those thing so we are less side-by-side and more interwoven. It seems especially important right now, as we pray through the decisions of the days and school visits and prepare things to share with the youth group students we hang out with, and as he has opportunities to teach. So I leave you with this, the video and the lyrics and hope you are blessed by it as well!

Well I was 19 you were 21
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much to young
But we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each from a pawnshop down the road
We said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

Chorus:
We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise was for

Well ‘I do’ are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard is a good place to begin
Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found

Chorus:
And we’re dancing in the minefields
We’re went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise was for
That’s what the promise is for

Bridge:
So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith
to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

Cause we bear the light of the son of man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of this chaos baby
I can dance with you

Chorus:
So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise if for
That’s what the promise is for

settling into the season

2010-10-18T20:52:00.004-04:00

So I have resolved that it is ok that I am not blogging consistently right now, in fact I have put my writing in general on hold for a little snippet of time. I can't say it is because I have been too busy, more like the opposite that I am simply settling into the season of fall and the rhythm of long walks after work and turning in earlier, mimicking the shorter days. I know it will come back but right now I am just enjoying the quiet evenings without the clicking of the keyboard and savoring the last of the warm nights. However, I should learn to add some pics here and there if I am not blogging regularly. hmm. I will have to work on that.

I have been busy continuing to hole myself up with books and more books, managing to read a 300-400 page book every 10 days or so since we got home from vacation. I think this is a phase but it makes me feel better that I am doing something somewhat productive when I am ignoring chores around the house. I picked up "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett tonight because it was on the library express shelf and I have been looking for it and finding it only on wait lists for month.

I also am finding myself back in the kitchen at times, which always seems to happen this time of year. Quite possibly because comfort food tastes much better when I know I don't have to be in my bathing suit anytime soon. Tonight I made a throw back meal, channeling my childhood and one of my all time favorite recipes that my Mom made for us, spinach quiche.

It's easy and gooey and oh so good. As follows:
-bake a store bought pie crust for 20 minutes until it gets brown
-mix 6 eggs, a little milk, salt, a few drops of Worcestershire sauce (secret key)
-layer a package of defrosted & drained chopped spinach with 6 or 7 slices of swiss cheese and pour egg mix over the top.
-Bake at 350 for 40 minutes or until it sets & the top is brown

*here is the ticket- let it sit for 10 minutes or so and it will become a layered pie of cheesy goodness (including a little veggie serving or two for the day with the spinach in there).

I can happily say that Ryan LOVED it as well and between dinner tonight and our lunches tomorrow, we will have that whole pie finished off. Whoops. I may have just found a new staple in our house.

As far as Ryan goes, his fall has picked up which also may be contributing to my intense homebody tendencies, trying to balance out this full season for him and he is weeks away from finishing his degree. Which is amazing and so exciting to me since we first began this new season of student life back in the summer of 2009. I'm so proud of him, how hard he works to do good in his classes, be available to others and still have so much energy left to love me. I can't say I would be able to walk that road as well as he has and bless God that he is loving what he is learning in everyday life. He got to teach last night at our church and is blogging about it here.

so for now, that's all. a little update on my quiet corner of the world. And so you aren't complete worried about me becoming a house dweller, locking myself away for weeks and living on the pages of my books; I have also been to a hockey game, a handful of coffee dates, a new Mediterranean restaurant in Grand Rapids with friends, two showers and lots of youth group events in the past 3 weeks. Just choosing to reflect on the low key moments that I am loving.

the wonder of a week

2010-10-11T20:27:00.002-04:00

Always amazed at the difference seven days can make in one's demeanor and outlook. It snuck up on me really, the reality of a gap between God and I. Once I sat down in church last Sunday, it became apparent in my spirit and the worship I was offering that I had forgotten, again. You see, I go through all of my normal days and weeks, offering prayers when I remember or think of it, reading when I want inspiration but I had once again missed the opportunity for the relationship part to be real.

If I have learned anything, it is that I can't go alone. Because I won't go anywhere. So I threw out an S.O.S. to Ryan in panicky words and tears, sharing my realization and asking for help. And as anti-climatic as it was, the reminders that he reverbiated back to me were more about confessions and moving forward and less about some major overhaul. It's when I live my faith by my emotions that I get all turned around and twisted but when I take one day at a time, I can breathe deeply and soak up the blessings around me. The week that followed felt a lot more livable, giving me space to recognize God again in my days instead of hurrying past Him.

And space to be thankful for the little things between the big ones. Such as:

-a dinner date with my grandparents tonight
-an upcoming cottage weekend with my love! (our favorite)
-the GIANT caramel & chocolate covered apple that Laura makes us every October as youth leaders. More than a few nights worth of night snacks for sure.
-Jodi's upcoming cooking demo where she is teaching us to make pasta & bread. There is hardly a thing I love more than pasta and bread.mmm.carbs. Michelle & I had so much fun at her first one back in February & I can't wait to learn some fun new kitchen tips!
-unexpected packages in the mail from sweet friends. I love mail!
-crazy warm October nights, which Toby can't seem to get enough of. Oh, and PS, I am just now realizing how many cell phone pictures we take of our dog now that we both have smart phones. I would say it is kind of embarrassing but I love it too much.

bittersweet event

2010-10-05T18:43:00.005-04:00

I have been looking forward to fall events since Stacie & I started dreaming this summer. We knew that it would mean launching back into the school year for her and sharing more stories and life with the campus ministries students that Ryan & I have been so blessed to fall in love with as well.

One thing that ran through conversations over coffee with Katie, Megan, Naomi, Michaeleen, and excited talks with Laura & Amanda were little snippets of wisdom that I recognized from a familiar voice, Shauna Niequist. It was like some type of sisterhood, realizing that an author had taken so many of our experiences and put them onto the page. That being said, when something came out on Shauna's blog about the book tour for her second book, Bittersweet, we couldn't wait to get GVSU on the list.

I truly loved Bittersweet in a way different than Cold Tangerines. There was something so much more raw and exposed in these confessions, on the seasons of life where it feels like you are being stretched and grown in so many directions. It felt safe, like someone else had been there. The week this book came out, Molly and I sat over coffee at JPs and I read her some things about friendships and rich relationships and Molly devoured it in the next few days and shared a few thoughts here.

I could say so much more but will leave it to you to pick up a copy yourself...you may even see a giveaway around here in the next few weeks as we look forward to having Shauna in a room with so many we love.

on being home

2010-10-03T10:12:00.005-04:00

It's fall, my favorite time of year and like no other year before, my homebody tendencies have completely risen to the surface. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing this for 6 days in Hilton Head:

That is, when I didn't have my head in a book! I read these THREE within the week that we were there and remembered my life as a junior higher, always with my nose in a book.

But now that we are back it feels like the transition has been made into sweater-wearing, hot chocolate drinking, cuddle up on the couch all day weather. My closet hasn't quite made the transition so I am trying to figure out a few new fall staple looks, which usually defaults me back to boots and scarves and cardigans.

Other than that, I am still trying to figure out how to keep life quiet in this season while Ryan finishes his last big semester of undergrad and we seek out what God has for us next. I wouldn't quantify my emotion as bored, more as constant and thankful for a little less noise. Including spending less time online (trying to at least) and trying to balance life now that I am working full time again. I am also taking a 7 week class with some of our Grand Valley friends & a few others we know at the local seminary on the Hebrew culture & how it impacts the Old Testament as part of my desire to keep what we learned in Israel present in my mind and my heart. I'm anticipating these Thursday evening classes to become a favorite part of my week during this time and thankful for the chance to participate.

That's about it for now but I didn't want to stay away forever! If anyone has any fall fashion ideas for me, do share.

south bound

2010-09-17T07:31:00.002-04:00

Less than 24 hours from now we will be on the road and headed to Hilton Head, SC for a week of riding bikes, walking to the beach and sleeping in. The simple things in life get me excited really. I think I will take a break from technology to soak in the sunshine and hang out. Of course, checking updates on my phone from time to time doesn't count, right?

See you on the other side!

lullabies and line-dancing

2010-09-12T18:38:00.007-04:00

Yes, something sweet and something Southern, all in one weekend and the combo made for a great Saturday from beginning to end. The first being Michelle's baby shower thrown by yours truly in honor of her little baby boy coming in October. I loved being able to share Michelle's joy with many of the friends she has met since moving to Holland 5 years ago. More pics to come of the day and the little bird/nesting theme that surrounded the celebration but for now, here is one of BrieAnna, Michelle & I.

And if that weren't enough excitement for a rainy September day, our Youth Group Fall Kick Off was planned long before we knew the weather and I was so happy with the way it turned out despite the rain. We held it at Post Family Farm and descended on the place with thirty-some high schoolers, chili and cider and our dancing shoes. It was originally set to be a square dance but some last minute changes turned it into a line dance. After the first one was "cupid shuffle"...I knew it would be more than alright. Here is a picture of me and my cowboy which Ryan affectionately titled "Gap Goes Cowboy" or something of the like:

Some other fun pictures from the night:

I still secretly think that half of the fun of doing youth group is being with the other leaders and sometimes we sneak off for a few minutes for our own little pow-wow. It's just nice to be part of a team where everyone loves to be together and I don't want to take that for granted. Here is my partner Jana & I working our moves on the barn floor...YeeHaw!

I didn't mean to stay away...

2010-09-10T22:24:00.003-04:00

But somehow writing forces me to be honest. And to be honest, there wasn't a whole lot I wanted to write about for the better part of the week because I didn't like my attitude and couldn't see around it. It snuck up on me in the beginnings of my favorite season, when leaves become crunchy and hoodies abound- how dare it?

But that is the way struggle and envy work, I think that they sneak in quietly and then before we know it, we feel a bit entangled. I started to lacking joy because I was seeing life through jealous eyes. I had to go back to what I know works- sharing my emotions with others, asking for prayer and constantly repeating through my head this Proverb:
" a heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones". Proverbs 14:30

I won't get into specifics but this is something that I know I feed at times and fight at others and I want to get better at fighting it. Or better yet ask God to help me fight it by seeing the blessings in front of me and taking the attention off of myself. I was talking about it with two friends last night and we wondered aloud if we might be experiencing this at 80 years old. Envying the way our friends hips still move or if they can get around in their walkers better than we can. That made it better, giving us something to giggle about but at the heart of it, I hope we aren't still stuck as women in comparing ourselves for value.

I have to believe somewhere along the way we make the decision to daily find our value in deeper things and not what we can do or be. Praying for the strength to have that maturity sooner rather than later in my life. I have no idea what God is calling me to in the future but I do know that I would be sad to look back and see that insecurity kept me from hearing or acting on His call. Thanks for letting this be a place where I can be honest. I hope that you are encouraged today knowing you are not alone and reminded of the truth that you are beautiful just as you are.

inspirational reminder at the top from this etsy shop

a few of my favorite things: fall edition

2010-09-02T10:16:00.008-04:00

As we transition into fall, I can't help but be excited and distracted by the changing of colors in my very own front lawn. wow. brilliant and inspiring. Here are a few other things I am loving lately:

1.my new Mary Janes ala Target because even though I would hope to always keep my style more "classic" in nature, life is too short to not include a little flair: (sorry for the small pic)

2. Swirlberry! yum. They just opened a shop in downtown Saugatuck which is the perfect healthy alternative to my normal mile high ice cream cone. They offer a "make your own" frozen yogurt bar and Tuesday evening's combo included latte yogurt with chocolate chips, granola & a little coconut on top.

3. writing. off the blog and with introspection. I am pushing through thoughts that find their way into my mind regularly covering everything from transition to fighting for joy in everyday life, to forgiveness and friendship. I'm starting to get more attached to it, this little document that keeps growing and taking a life of its own. I'm not sure what more will come of it but I am starting to take more seriously the idea of sharing it with others in some fashion or another. If I am honest, I want to write a book. So I write and whether it shows up on a shelf somewhere or not, I am loving the process.

4. Also loving fall for students and the transition as it brings them back to local high school and college campus'. Monday night I roamed the lawn at GVSU, laughing and hugging some of my favorite students as our ice cream bars dripped in the heat. I love the uninhibited passion that returning to campus brings as some spent summers at camps, internships and working around home. Everyone had a story to tell, including my hilarious friend Carly who promised she would start blogging again and did she ever deliver. She shared her sentiments about how fast it all goes on the cusp of her senior year here on her blog and I loved reading her perspective.

5. And last, but certainly not least, how could I share my fall favorites without including these little gems:
They always remind me of fall at Taylor because every September I would go down to the front desk at Olson Hall to find a package waiting from my mom and inevitably these were included. I think one year I ate a whole bag in one sitting. what? their addicting!

What are some of your fall favorites?

making lemonade: using what you've got

2010-08-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

I happen to love decorating with lemons (inspiration taken from here)

But let's get real, there is not an open ended budget for things like re-decorating the rooms in our homes each time we have the whim to. So I have started to use what I have (when life hands you decor- get crafty!) and have over time really enjoyed seeing the different things I use re-appear in new ways. Here are some of the latest combinations around my house:

the shutter in action. After all my debating, I decided simple was best for now.

an updated window frame with some updates added by painting an old wood frame white & gluing it onto the window for more dimension:

a combination of some old punch glasses from a set my Grandma gave me, some candles from the dollar store & a candle stand that I got from the local mission thrift store about two years ago.

I also love the idea of using old things to create something new and am so happy to share the final product of the shutter headboard that Michelle and I created. Remember when we purchased these goods back in February:

We started with the shutter which was already a bit shabby due to the fact that we found it at an antique store. Michelle then painted a piece of barn wood that I had left over from some earlier projects with paint that she already had, the tan color from their living room in fact. We designed our own flair with the dream & little fancy parenthesis using my Uppercase Living DIY tool and voila!

So when you feel the urge to redecorate coming out, before you drive yourself to Hobby Lobby, check your kitchen, your husband's workshop and your current set up for inspiration. You might just surprise yourself!

living in today

2010-08-24T22:11:00.008-04:00

I find myself really thankful tonight- for friends whose homes I can enter without knocking or by just walking through the back door. It seems like the more I get back into the swing of working full time and gearing up for Ryan's last semester, the more I appreciate the friendships we have in this season. And I need them because one of the emotions I felt in the quiet part of my day (before the backdoor reflections) was "stuck".

As in, knowing that each day of our lives is transition between where we are and where we are going perhaps and yet knowing that the fullness of life exists in today. If I don't give it my all today, whose to say tomorrow will be any fuller? You know what I mean? I think we can spend so much time wondering and wishing that we miss today. Preaching to the choir here.

So for today, I am committing myself (AGAIN) to the now and asking God to illuminate the next little steps. I started my "praises and prayers" notebook again because I wanted to see those little things in the days that are so easily missed. I carry it in my purse because unfortunately, life moves so quickly that if we don't catch glimpses of things and commit them to memory, sometimes we are just on to the next.

With my efforts to find life in the now, here is what this week includes so far:

--seeing our friends Jon & Joy dedicate their beautiful little girl Ella Joy. another Ippel to love!
--10 minute dates in the morning and afternoon with Ryan as we are down to one car for a little bit, counting those as an opportunity to connect rather than a scheduling pain makes it a lot easier.
--the mini Israel reunion we had last night at Brad & Shallon's reconnecting, eating hummus and hanging out with these friends:

Ryan & Brad, Mt. Arbel

Ryan & Jeremy, Sea of Galilee

Ryan & Aaron, Mt. Carmel

Laura, Kristi, Bekah, Jerusalem

What are you thankful for this week?

riding in tandem

2010-08-19T22:30:00.000-04:00

Remember when I said I rode a tandem bike for the first time this week? Well I wanted to write about it but Ryan beat me too and when he finished reading it to me I decided he said everything I wanted to. So here it is, a guest post from my hubby (more of his writing can be found here as well.)-enjoy

tandem

As my wife and I were sitting outside the other day sipping coffee on our friend's porch, they suddenly had this great idea..."We think you and Bekah need to do a little marriage counseling!" Obviously, I was a bit skeptical since Bekah and I have been married for over 5 years, and probably would have been offended had I not understood the randomness of these amazing people. So, Bekah and I proceeded to agree to their little "counseling session." They told us to put our shoes on and come around the back of the house. When we got there, we found a black bike with two seats, two handle bars, which included one challenge. Bekah and I accepted this challenge, their "counseling" session.

As we hopped on the bike it was clear why our friends called it marriage counseling. I was in the front, and obviously that person is in charge of steering the bike. This is a big responsibility that neither people think about before hopping on. As we came to our first corner I started to go left. However, I did not warn Bekah of this and she proceeded to jerk her handle bars back and forth making it very difficult for us to turn left. We just about crashed on the pavement, and by only God's help did we make that corner. Immediately Bekah wanted off the bike. It was scary, she had no control, and she didn't want to crash. I suggested that we work together at the next corner and assured her that it would go smoothly. Approaching the next corner I proceeded to tell Bekah what direction we were turning and verbally walked us through the process as we were doing it. It worked great, and corner after corner it became easier and easier. By the end we really enjoyed the ride and were glad we did it.

Our friends were right on it being a perfect tool for marriage counseling. 5 years ago we would have crashed. Bekah would have sat there crying as I pointed and yelled at her for not turning the same direction I did. It made me happy to see that we've come a long way over the years. We were able to communicate through the difficulties of a new challenge. She was able to trust me that things were going to go smoother as long as we communicated. Who would have thought that so much truth and encouragement could be found riding in tandem.

a little of this and that

2010-08-19T09:13:00.004-04:00

Thanks to Miss Mandii, this little blogger award will break my blogging hiatus. With this award, the commissioning is to write 7 little bits of info. Without further ado:

1) When I was in high school, my dream was to write for Women's Sports and Fitness magazine...sadly that publication was cancelled when I was 17 and it took me until I was 22 to get rid of my archived copies. Now I would love to blog for michigan.org as a guest travel blogger. love me some Michigan!

2) I rode a tandem bike for the first time this week and it was way harder than it looks; I will definitely be sharing more thoughts about that in the near future on here.

3) I love nothing more than an old home. I'm not sure I will ever own anything built before 1950-- although the idea of a condo with built in landscaping does sound nice.

4) This Saturday I will attend my 27th Danish Festival- that's right, I have been going every year since I was born as a family tradition that includes a 2.5 hour parade and lots of candy. that's for kids of course.

5) I am almost late everywhere I go. Just close enough to late to be stressed and under pressure but not enough to miss anything. Not a good habit but true.

6) Shorts are my least favorite thing to wear and I just found a pair, maybe the first, that I actually like a lot for $12 from JcPenny.

7. I would love to go to Egypt one day. I never thought those words would come from my mouth but after our time in Israel I am deeply intrigued by the story and places of Egypt. Clarification, this doesn't replace my desire to visit the blue and white places of Santorini, Greece. just for the record.

As part of this blogger award, I get the joy of passing it on to two more friends. So Bethany and Amber...you're up next!

what works for you

2010-08-11T06:00:00.001-04:00

I send my husband emails. frequently. they serve as our reminders back and forth of errands to run, plans to make, even sometimes discussion topics on days when we won't see one another much. And I used to feel bad about it in a way, like it was akin to sending IMs back and forth with someone in the same room.

But today I was sharing something about that with my co-worker and she smiled and said "but it works for you guys." And she is right. It does work for us, our 21st century relationship and the dynamics of tech-savvy marriage. And at the end of the day, I truly feel like we have open communication and face-to-face connection so I have no reason to dislike our system.

It seems like the longer we are married and go through different seasons of life together, the more I realize I cannot compare our marriage to anyone else's with honest scales. Not because theirs is better or ours is better but because you have to do what works for you and they have to do what works for them.

I think it is so easy in life to look around at what people are involved with, the way they make decisions or spend their money or discuss important issues and see things from our perspective. But sometimes I need someone to remind me that I'm good with the way things work for us, and that is what matters most.

the break makes the beat

2010-08-08T18:00:00.001-04:00

Confession: I take myself and my life way too seriously sometimes. I find myself wanting depth, depth, depth all the time and everywhere. But the truth is, we are meant to enjoy life in the small ways as well and this week I squared off with myself and looked straight in the eye my desire to lighten up a bit. This is all part of my recovery from the last season of walking through hard things and facing buried emotions in myself.

As has been a regular occurrence this summer, the summer internship we are running with 6 high school students has taught me and encouraged me and challenged my thought process in ways I didn't anticipate. Including this battle against only living in the deep end of life. Being with students who call "banana" every time they see a yellow car and challenge me to push ups before 9 a.m. don't often let me live in the deep end. But there are also portions of the internship, the teaching especially, that have given me perspective and growth and called me out in places that I need honesty.

This Friday was our final day together, after 8 weeks of relationships, growth, laughter and challenge. And I loved every second of it, easily one of the highlights of our (mine and Ryan's) summer. Part of what I have loved is the privilege of hearing perspective from leaders in the community and the wisdom from what they have learned along the way. I have felt so blessed by their own confessions, tears, and humility in sharing their stories.

This final day was no exception. We invited our friend Brad, who was also our teacher for our time in Israel to share some perspective. And after sitting under Brad's teaching for two weeks, I already was prepared to be encouraged. But what he shared was so timely and profound in a simple way that it spoke straight to where I find myself on so many days. He began with bringing out a drum and asking one of the students to play a few beats. One was fairly simple, the next more quickened and the final beat he played had pauses and variety. And quite naturally we all loved the third beat as it was enjoyable to listen to.

What made the beat was the pause, the break in between each tap of the drum that allowed the pronunciation of the sounds and the song being played. Brad shared that this is much like the beat of our own lives. When we drum away all of the time and don't give any space for a break, the rhythm in our lives is missing something as we pound away. Day after day, coffee dates and twitter feeds and facebook updates, spending time driving here and there, shopping for this and that. The rhythm of life.

To allow for pauses and breaks gives more meaning to the rhythm that our lives are making. What he was getting at is the idea of sabbath in our life, of creating rest and taking steps back. And it resonated with me as I engage in relationships and a career and marriage. All of those things that I want to focus on and create depth in. But sometimes the intensity with with which I bang my drums keeps me from that pause, to have time with my husband or to go for a long walk, to stay at home on a Friday night to read. Simple things yes, but I truly believe that Brad is onto something here and am I am thankful for the simple truths and encouraged to find more breaks in my beat.

I've been a bad blogger

2010-08-06T16:00:00.001-04:00

Can't believe it has been over a week and a half since I last blogged. It's kind of like any other habit, that once you get out of it, the easier it is to stop for a bit. So for the sake of time and interest, here is a little catch up on the past 10 days...

Part of my hiatus may have been due to the fact that this came:

Those who know me know I can't say enough about Shauna's ability to put life to words in her writing. So there I sat, on a quiet little park bench in Zeeland reading away with the bubbling of the fountain as my soundtrack. My own little piece of heaven as I underlined and starred pages, filling the margins with my own pieces of bittersweet reflections. I will save my favorite reflections for a future post (or two), especially in anticipation of Shauna coming to share this fall with Grand Valley's Campus Ministries and all of the girls Stacie & I love there. It's going to be a beautiful evening, I can feel it already.

On the topic of writing, I have been doing a bit more of it, which is partly why my blogging is slacking. I have for awhile been wanting to put my heart to paper, to reflect on the past few years at a deep level and really get some of my journey written down. I have failed miserably at journaling during this time so I'm kickin it Doogie Howser style and typing away. I hope to someday share some of those reflections but for now, they are between me and google docs.

As far as life outside of words goes, Emily & Dennis came this past weekend, a wonderfully refreshing time full of lots of coffee on the couch and my favorite part of the weekend perhaps--antiquing. Emily requested that we hit up a few local spots looking for unique pieces to accent their new home which I know she will write about here....(hint hint)...

We had some great finds-- mainly right here in Zeeland at the new Not so Shabby downtown and Second Chance Designn in Holland. Emily also brought me the best kind of present, something I have been wanting to buy myself. Coasters from our creative friend Mandii @ Blue Eyed Pearl (also found here). She created a mix and match set for me and each of them are so beautiful and unique. I haven't taken a picture of them yet but here is one of another set from her etsy store. Go check them out- you will love them too!

And now here we are, on the front end of another gorgeous Michigan weekend and I am in my bathing suit as I write this, having spent a warm sunny day at the beach. It's about time for my bi-weekly Aldi run- oh yeah! Hope you are enjoying summer days as well.

cottage life

2010-07-26T18:39:00.006-04:00

This weekend was an unexpected getaway for Ryan and I and we spent the whole weekend at my grandparent's cottage, just the two of us and Toby of course. We did nothing more than take naps, read, talk and eat good food. It is a MUST to have a bowl of ice cream every night around 9:45 at the cottage...We haven't had any time with Ryan's school schedule and such to do that since Israel and it makes such a difference to just breathe deeply for a few days.

I didn't even take any pictures intentionally so that we would just enjoy the slow life and that we successfully did. Our one outing included a trip to the local small town theater to see this movie:

and oh my goodness, the cast was amazing.

I loved the depth of the plot and would encourage you to check it out yourself. Leonardo has really flourished as an actor, in my humble opinion, since the original days of Titanic. Not that I saw it 3 times in the theater or memorized many lines from it in high school or anything. Regardless, it was a talented bunch and a great thrill from beginning to end.

I also realized this weekend that my fast food snobbery is turning around thanks to McDonald's new smoothies and the good ole snack wraps. Not sure this is something to be proud of but more of a confession that you can't knock it till you try it...

And last but not least...a giveaway winner!! Happy that after all of her entries in past giveaways, Bethany will now be rocking this flower in her hair, on her summertime bag or wherever she pleases:

whelmed.

2010-07-22T22:01:00.008-04:00

I think I may be experiencing some post-mission's trip whiplash. Life always rushes in and seems to fill up the cracks of free time after being gone for a week! So as I sit here and listen to a major storm brewing outside the windows of my old house, here are a few updates from the week...and a giveaway as the icing on the cake.

1. As of yesterday, I am no longer the proud owner of a Jeep Liberty. It's true, this beauty now belongs to a very lucky 17 year old boy across town.

She will now drive him to football practice and homecoming and to the last few beach days before his senior year. It's a good thing, parting with the Jeep as the gas was expensive and I didn't need an SUV anymore but a bit painful in ways as I feel like we are taking some steps to downsize life a bit. the rubber meeting the road on some emotions we have been having for awhile but there is always a little screech with the separation. just being honest.

2. I found out about this book this week and my heart is jumping to read it. I am really missing our time in Israel in deep ways as I continue to process the things God taught me there about Himself. (PS...Sarah's dad wrote this....hi Sarah)

In The Land Between, author Jeff Manion uses the biblical story of the Israelite's journey through Sinai desert as a metaphor for being in undesired, transitional space. . You can read the rest of the summary on Amazon here:

3. Last but not least...a giveaway that is LONG overdue. Remember when I posted this picture:

Well I am still kind of obsessed with hair accessories this summer and been talking to the designer of my fancy feather flower and she is going to bless someone with their own little fancy flower. So...here are the three choices up for grabs and one person will win the flower of their choice! Check out more at her Lira Creations facebook page as well!

Take a peek & check out the description below each flower-- then let me know which is your fave and why! I will choose a winner on Sunday night so have fun dreaming up your next fashion statement and leave a comment to win.

Fascinator Daisy in amazing turquoise and crystals. Accented with a Curly Ostrich Feather. Flower measures 5" across and is attached to a pressure clip for security.

Hawaiian Tropics.... This is a simple and stately variegated yellow flower with hand beaded crystals and pearls in shades of green, yellow and peach. It measures 4" across.

Bigger, bolder, better! This is a 3.5" luminescent dogwood hair piece accented by hand strung pearls and crystals. True flower color is more of an off white.

a week in review

2010-07-20T07:12:00.006-04:00

7 short days. But think of how much can happen in one week in one individual life. I remember the intensities of being 15, 16, 17, of meeting new people and savoring the best weeks of teenage life. This was one of those sets of 7 days for many of our students. I saw students scale ladders, conquer fears, step out of their cliques to forge new friendships and Bible's cracked. What a week. I never come away disappointed when it comes to a week with a group of students.

There were long days and short nights full of conversations with high school girls about the future and the present, relationships and hardships, loss and confrontation. Fullness is the only emotion I have to express how 7 days with students leaves me feeling. And the leaders, oh the leaders. I now understand why our leaders snuck off to have "meetings". Because those friendships are half the fun of the trip. We needed each other for sanity and for retreat, for laughter and for tears. Here is our crew for the week:

Joe, Laura, Me, Tom & Kelsey
*Ryan was able to join us 2 days in the week as well!

We completed our work of refinishing the entire exterior of a home for a woman in Holland, hung out with some great ministries doing summer kids clubs for low income families and made a generous church on the South Side of Holland our home for the week. It amazed me how smoothly things went, really without a hitch and I know it was so much bigger than us because a week before the trip, Laura & I found ourselves with an itinerary missing housing, transportation & food. And God totally superseded anything we could have planned as Montello Park CRC stepped in and graciously gave us full access to their space. I love that they believed in what we were doing enough to open their doors and trust us. And not only that, they had air, a full kitchen with 2 ovens and the ideal space for late night capture the flag, sardines and yes, dance parties.

As we camped out in Philippians 2:1-15 for the week I was refreshed by the reminders of pursuing unity and humility in order to "shine like the stars in the universe". There were moments where I was challenged to check out, to sit down, to be quiet and I followed those when needed but also felt a drive within me to keep on keeping on because those students really watch what you do. (that effort was greatly assisted by the vanilla creme coffee Kelsey picked up for me.)

Here are some pics from our week:

a snapshot

2010-07-19T07:32:00.002-04:00

a tiny little bit of how I spent the past week. Amazing how multiple nights of only 5-6 hours of sleep can leave me so energized.

thankful for:
safety
laughter
coffee
going deeper with students & other leaders
protection
that Ryan joined us for 2 days
God's alignment of all of the crazy details
unity

more to come!

to the ends of the Earth

2010-07-10T15:29:00.009-04:00

So if you have been around here for awhile you know how much I love these week long trips with the students. Working all day and staying up late. And maybe a little caffeine outing or two for us leaders (I mean, we are staying within 2 miles of JPs Coffee).

We kick the week off tomorrow by heading out to Tunnel Park after our commissioning at EGM where we will grill out & enjoy time together as a team. From there, we move into a local church for the week and get to spend Monday-Thursday from 8-5 rotating through 3 local ministries. 2 kids clubs and 1 MAJOR exterior painting project. Laura and I have TONS of surprises up our sleeves for the students to reward them for their hard work and I am so overwhelmed by how God lined all of this up for us. Just a week ago our housing fell through and with it our transportation our food. We now have a bus and ALL of our food coordinated by our own leader Kelsey *who just happens to have the gift of hospitality. Wow.

I think the biggest thing that I am excited about with this trip is that we are staying local. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Bilouxi and Jacksonville too but I think there will be something really meaningful and lasting about seeing needs in our own corner of the world. I love Laura's heartbeat for to students to have the chance to live out and experience Acts 1:8 through their four years.

"you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem,and in all Judea, and Samaria & to the ends of the Earth."

picture taken on the shores of Caeserea, Israel with my feet pointing west. Amidst marble scrap from columns delivered from Rome and remembering what it means to take what you know out to the corners of the world.

thoughts on contentment & friendships

2010-07-09T06:00:00.004-04:00

I had the lovely chance to write over here this week. Thoughts on contentment and friendships and how the two go hand in hand.

SOS: decorating help needed!

2010-07-05T22:00:00.000-04:00

I love nothing more than using what I already have to make something new. Let me explain. A week ago I bought an OLD shutter from a woman who owns an old mansion that is now a B & B. I hadn't planned on buying it but it was somewhere in my subconscious for the past 6 weeks and out of nowhere it reappeared.

$10 later, it was mine and hanging out of the back of my Jeep. Once I got it out of the car and into the house, I realized it wasn't just a new decoration, it was going to perhaps start a crazed re-decorating effort...which usually lasts until the wee hours. And that very night, I took EVERYTHING, I mean everything off the walls, off shelves, printed pictures and started from zero.

And as I put things back in new places, I realized I have been pulling this type of shenanigan since I was a teenager. Staying up until all hours with she-man strength to move dressers (like when moms lift cars to save their children because they are motivated). Not that dressers can compare to cars but those oak dressers are not lightweight.

So now it is 5 days later, my shutter has been sawed into 2 (thanks Jodi for knowing how to use power tools, you saved Molly & I our fingers and toes). I have nailed a few pieces of old barn wood on them and tried a few arrangements and I am stuck. I don't know where to go from here. Part of me is wishing I had made it easy and left it in one piece so I could lean it up against the wall but alas, now I have two and need to know where to go from here.

Suggestions? Dream big for me! All of my creative energy is being poured into the youth group mission's trip (6 days and counting) due to the fact that our housing, which included our food and transportation fell through within the past week. But we have it all covered except the minor detail of shower facilities...and if all else fails, we have a hose! Can't wait to read all of the creative ideas you have!

and this is why I am excited for the YG missions trip

2010-06-30T22:31:00.005-04:00

Gearing up for another week and just can't wait to see all of the craziness and growth that unfold with the 27 students coming on our trip. Laura and I have been working on detail after detail to make it work. I just realized tonight how good it feels to be part of this again after missing it last year (my laments here). I also took a little stroll down memory lane to Missions Trip 2008...

And a little bragging on Ryan with the s-aweeeet t-shirts he designed:

and because we love to work with creative people, our friend Adam is printing them...check his work and creative outlet here.

searching for some quiet

2010-06-27T22:58:00.004-04:00

*picture taken at Khirbet Qeiyafa- an archelogical dig dated to King David where the oldest piece of Hebrew literature was recently discovered speaking of righteousness & justice.

I have always loved moving fast, busy days and packed weekends. But since we have been home from Israel, something inside of me is longing for more quiet in my life. I think part of it is a maturing process taking place and all that stands between me and quiet is discipline of myself.

I can run miles and train for races, I can organize events and execute whatever plans are laid out. But can I rest and wait, sit and write and stop long enough to smell the roses?

I always think, "this week will be the week, I will get up earlier and spend a few quiet minutes." But then the reality of needing to make a lunch, making the mistake of checking my email in the morning and debating whether to scrunch or blow dry my hair eat away at those precious moments. I lose the chance to dig in deep.

The thing I am realizing, which may sound obvious but is an easily overlooked truth in my life, is that life and discipline are all about making little steps in the direction that we want to go. And to live a good story, those little steps count just as much as the big ones. The summer internship we are running with these high school students is reminding me that my charachter and integrity build endurance through the small choices and decisions, just like training for anything else.

For me, I am realizing how easily I can confuse a good path with the best path. I keep thinking of this image..."wide is the road but narrow is the gate":

*picture taken at Scythopolis on the main road (also known as the cardo)

I'm not trying to get all zealous and exclusive but I am finding that in my own life doing good things is not adding up to a better walk with Christ. It just doesn't cut it. It looks great on the outside but doesn't motivate the heart change I know I need when I find myself struggling with the same issues or lacking wisdom to make decisions. I am convicted that one of the things in my life that deafens my ability to hear the small whispers of "this is my way, walk in it" is my busyness. So I am making a concerted effort to guard time and seek quiet.

I know I should go to bed...

2010-06-25T00:56:00.003-04:00

but tonight was way too much fun and I can't without posting a few fun pics. About 6 weeks ago, our friend Chad whom we met when we went to Passion in January asked us to Save the Date for June 24. We had no clue what would unfold but always love hanging out with Chad so were excited to hang with him for a night.

So here it is, June 24 and I got a text telling us to be at his house by 5 and to be hungry. And from 5 until now...after midnight...we had such a great night all planned by Chad. It began with an awesome home cooked meal and led to FRONT ROW SEATS at the Chris Tomlin/Toby Mac Concert tonight. Wow. He included our other friends Ryan & Naomi in his blessing and we didn't know they would be there either! He also picked up a few accessories that added to our fun...like the Kayne' shades as seen below and a throwback to our childhood with glowsticks! What a great night of improptu dance parties, worshiping & being with friends.

three about me

2010-06-23T21:30:00.000-04:00

I saw this list online this weekend and thought it was WAY fun :)

3 names I go by:
Rebekah/Bekah
Beckish
Beks

3 places I have been (or 3 places that have been influential in my life):
Kenya
India
Israel

3 favorite drinks:
Crystal Light Raspberry iced tea
Diet Coke
Water

3 jobs I have had:
Cone World ice cream server (5 years baby!)
Non-profit consultant
High School Youth group assistant

3 TV shows I watch:
LOST
Arrested Development
The Parenthood

3 places I would like to visit:
Seattle
New York City--I went once in high school but want to go back with Ryan
Texas

3 favorite retro TV shows:
Dawson's Creek
Felicity
Blossom

3 places I have lived:
Grandville, MI
Upland, IN
Zeeland, MI

3 favorite dishes:
a great pasta with fresh veggies and chicken in a light sauce
Carabba's chicken marsala with smashed potatoes...mmm
burgers on the grill in the summer

3 things I am looking forward to:
Hilton Head in September
enjoying the summer with Ryan around home
having a yard that I feel more pride in. a work in progress

on rest

2010-06-21T18:14:00.004-04:00

I read the following quote this morning in my search for something to add life to the weekly report I send out at work:

"Sunday is the golden clasp that binds together the volume of the week."

And for the sake of providing not only wisdom for the day, humor from our Sunday dinner cooking expedition also included at no extra charge.

2 guys cutting onions. If the style channel married the Food Network, this is what their kids would look like:

blogiversary 2.0

2010-06-20T00:35:00.003-04:00

It has been 2 years since I started sharing my thoughts on the World Wide Web and I was curious in thinking through all that has poured out of me in those 2 years as to what some of the themes have been. So I took inventory and this is what I came up with according to my tags on my posts:

about me (31)
celebrations (17)
community (21)
friendship (31)
growth (21)
learning something new (17)
seasons (29)
simple joys (27)
worship (33)

A few conclusions from those numbers...I am trying to figure things out in my own life and relationally (aren't we all?) I have been sensing lately that it is important to know our own journey: to walk backwards into the future appreciating where we have come from (something we learned in Israel). I miss it, Israel that is. I find myself longing to engage depth but today something wonderful happened. I was able to live in the moments and not think too hard beyond the fact that I was enjoying sitting outside, enjoying good food and company.

I talked about movies and books; we laughed about past vacations and talked about those to come. I played with my dog and kissed my husband; I ate ribs with Sweet Baby Ray's and drank a great wheat beer in the sunshine on the deck. Nothing to analyze or debate, just a day to be enjoyed.

knee deep in summer

2010-06-16T17:32:00.006-04:00

It is that time of year where everything is centered around flip flops, grilling out & enjoying the season...blogging finds its place somewhere in between the bbqs and pool parties.

So here are a few things from the past week since St. Louis:

For the date night that I was promised...Ryan took me to the Electric Cheetah in GR and it was another one of those places so great you want to share it with friends. Lucky Amber & Sarah, who both live in cool places near enough to frequent it often, but for the rest of us, these little Eastown gems are a special treat.
We shared the "raw" fries which are fries sliced as thin as potato chips...a ketchup lovers dream:

and the brocolli salad which was equally, if not more, delicious. Fresh produce and all from local farmer's markets & providers.

I spent all day Saturday hanging out at the 2nd annual "art in the park" in Hudsonville where our church had a booth with a couple of other crafting friends and then had my fam over on Saturday night...Toby was obviously excited to celebrate:

cuties: Erich & his girlfriend Allison whom I love! (can't wait for another family vacation with these 2 this fall! Hilton Head in 3 months...)

this is how "home" looks in my mind:

Ever so thankful for the miracles that took place in our family this spring & can't help but think that when I see this picture of the 5 of us.

making wishes for our 25th & 27th year. Love being the older sister!

Allison got me this new scarf for my b-day which I LOVE and is a sign she knows me well because she said it just looked like me.

Another new thing that started this week is our high school Summer Intern program at EGM-- which means I get to spend one day a week with these 2: Laura & Ryan and our 6 incredible students!

I will leave you with this...a little preview of a giveaway I am working on with a crafter I met Saturday whose specialty is "flowers & feathers..." drooling yet?!

fashion disclaimer: my obsession with scarves may be morphing into hair accessories.

a shining city: Jerusalem

2010-06-14T06:00:00.001-04:00

I have hope for Jerusalem. That is a radical statement based on the political tension at hand in the Middle East and I may not see that city reconciled in my lifetime. That is a reality I can face square on in fact. But I do believe that all things will be reconciled back to God's hand in the end in whatever way, shape or fashion that He determines best.

I have to be honest, I was anxious to enter Jerusalem in the beginning, to step into the tension that exists. But the city wooed me with its' story both past and present. I felt so much peace and quiet while we were in the desert places and walking in Galilee that I imagined the contrast between those and the city gates would leave me with a quickened heart beat and sideways glances for the 2 days spent in the city. And it was intense but it was also beautiful and sad and curious to me. I imagined our friends Ben and Stacie who lived there for 2 years and Brad and his family, one year. That made it feel more personal to me, to look for daily life around me.

It felt like the continuum of the story that I have been writing about, beginning in the Old Testament with the patriarchs, the wanderings & giving of the law, the promise of a Messiah, and then fulfillment of scripture through Jesus coming. We walked through the last week of Jesus' life, beginning our first morning on the Mt. of Olives. I read the passages with new eyes in Luke 19 when the triumphal entry into the city takes place, with Jesus' response to rounding the mountaintop on the donkey as the scripture said he would do and weeps as he sees the city. And as we sat in the Garden in Gethsemane and pondered how Jesus shared a Passover meal with the disciples and how he would be betrayed I felt devastation for him as a man, that he was leaving his relationships, his family, his home here. There are so many cultural and fulfilment pieces in this part of the story that blew my mind.

And as we stood in David's city early on our second morning in the city which sits low I felt his confidence as we read Psalm 121 and he writes that he "lifts his eyes up to the hills" for help in a vulnerable place where he was so exposed and that God "watches over you and is your shade at your right hand". Just like the desert, this place requires full dependence. And on the Temple Mount & the southern steps where Pentecost took place and we were reminded of the value of community as living stones. How on our own we are not impressive or compelling but together, we are the new temple of God, through the Holy Spirit dwelling in us.

I cannot express my gratitude for this opportunity to those who prayed, supported, gave, and encouraged Ryan and I in this venture. This is my last official post about our trip but I assure you, the things I am learning will continue to thread themselves through my thoughts, ponderings and writings. Until then, Shalom.

on being sheep

2010-06-13T11:50:00.004-04:00

We have been home for almost a month now from our journey and I can't help but be amazed at the recall of information that takes place daily in my mind and in my heart of the things we learned. I truly believe that it is because we walked and learned with our feet that we are remembering.

This morning I was so blessed by Pastor Tom's message on being sheep. (it will be posted here this week) I think sometimes I feel like life is so divided between spiritual stuff and daily stuff and I have a hard time reconciling those worlds. I know they aren't divided but I am just trying to learn how to live in normal life with eyes that see deeper. Lately I have been battling with myself to just let it happen, to not always crave so much depth; not because I think it is wrong but because I have the gift of joy and don't want to suffocate it. I hope that makes sense, that I can say what I think is true without sounding like I am puffing myself up.

All that to say, I think TK has a way of just bringing it. Plain and simple, says what is true and I need that. So today, I sought out the connections in the songs we sang to things I am learning and thought about the picture of sheep. I love that we have such visual pictures to connect with the text and think about how we are following. The thing about sheep is that they are not smart but have the wisdom to follow. All they know how to do is follow the shepherds voice, to be herded together and move into the places they are directed. I love the tenderness of the shepherd, that if one sheep is lost he will go to find him.

Ezekial 34:11 "For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them."

It amazes me the depth of God's love in this passage as it goes on to talk about bringing the sheep to good pastures and shepherding with justice. My heart response this morning to the question of how am I following is that I think I have been hanging in the back of the herd for the past two weeks, wandering around within the pack but not as in tune to his voice as I could be.
This is a picture of a Shepard boy that we saw in the desert area and the flock of sheep in the picture above shows it best that sheep are community beings. They don't exist alone (that life is for the goats who are independent). To be good sheep, we have to be following the Shepard's voice together. To hear it for each other when one of us is struggling, wondering which way to go, what to believe and how to live. So we can't go alone. My natural response when I realize I am not walking as tight to the pack as I could be is to try and "get better" but I think that for all of us the only way to move forward is with another, sharing openly and asking for help where we need it. And we all need it. What a beautiful picture of community, simple sheep following the voice of the Good Shepherd together.

the birthday month begins

2010-06-10T20:37:00.003-04:00

I started writing yesterday on our drive home from St. Louis and here is how far I got:

It's my birthday and I'll drive if I want to. Here I am, 6 hours in a bucket seat. But you know, it's not a bad way to spend my workday part of my birthday. The past 3 days have been full of adventures and perspective.

Yup, I rang in 27 in a different city including 6 hours of it in a mini van. But it was worth it because I loved seeing a new place. The only thing that could have made it better was to have my hubby there. I thoroughly enjoyed the spacious digs that they put us up in at the Chase Park Plaza and the fact that all 4 of us from the office got our own rooms. Staying in a hotel never gets old to me, I still love getting ice, checking out the complimentary shampoo and reading USA today with a cup of coffee in the morning. The conference itself that we went for was great; I learned a ton of valuable information and met people that I have only ever talked to.

I won't bore you with the details of my learnings (although I think processes and technology are awesome...). But I will tell you that something about being in a city gives me life. I was thinking about it the first night we were there as the pavement pounded underneath my feet on a little run in the CWE (Central West End--the neighborhood we stayed in). I think it goes back to my original city love affair with Chicago. I can still remember being a little girl and looking up, way up, at the tall buildings when my Dad lived downtown. And there was something wonderful about feeling grown up in the coffee shops, lanes, shops and restaurants that is still really special to me. Ryan took me there the first summer we were dating, right before I left for my freshman year at TU & proposed there 4 years later. So that city has a strong heartbeat.

But I can find that beat in any city, looking up at the buildings and thinking about all of the diverse experiences, lifestyles and families that reside there. So St. Louis did not disappoint. Maybe there will be another trip there down the road with Ryan...for now, here are some pics of our time there:

I felt very loved on my birthday, starting with a 7 a.m. hazelnut latte from my friend Ryan that I work with & I also got some great texts & voice mails, including my Ryan & some other singing VERY off key.

When I got home, Ryan had the house all picked up and the dishwasher running- which was a gift in itself. He also had a great card & the promise of a date night on Friday in GR. can't wait!

PS.
I also thought a lot about writing while I was there but chose to soak up the nights by spending time with co-workers and watching TV on my pillow top king size bed. I have at least 2 more Israel posts I would like to share so bear with me as my processing spreads into the summertime. Sometimes life just happens faster than can it can be documented and I am learning the value of living each moment.