a shift

I have a lot on my mind lately and much of it has to do with a shift I feel taking place. Since the beginning of the year I have been processing/reading/thinking more about the transition of going from we to three in our little family and what that means for me as a wife and in the spring, as a mother.

There is so much energy around preparing not only in the physical sense as this baby swirls and kicks (most often at night when I want to sleep) but also in a deeper spiritual and emotional sense. It is hard for me to put into words but a lot of it has to do with knowing that the next season comes with the need for balancing time and creating space for us to have rest. Our rhythms are changing.

Some of what I have been filling my thoughts with are a result of the 6 week class Ryan is teaching this winter on Discipleship. It is pushing me to think how about I study, learn, and mentor others. I'm learning a lot and loving spending time each week with two women I already love in our little accountability group. It is also an awesome thing to see Ry in a place where he is sharing something he is so passionate about and I am really thankful that he gets to do this right now.

I also recieved this book on Friday


I have been aware of Ann as a writer for a little while now through her blog A Holy Experience and have always thought that she has a beautiful perspective on a full life. When I saw the cover of the book, of course the bird's nest drew me in but as I delve into it, I am finding there is so much more depth than I even anticipated. It is challenging my thoughts and heart in light of what it means to REALLY be thankful from a theological standpoint and how that flows into everyday life. It's beautiful and raw, filled with pain and with grace at the same time.

There are some online resources available because it JUST came out, like a book club where you can read the first chapter and get a taste of Ann's style. I think it will be just me and the pages as I read it but wanted to share those in case it would bless you.

At the risk of sounding ultra serious, there have also been some REALLY fun things to look forward to right now. Next weekend is our church's first ever women's retreat that we have been planning since this fall. We have two really cool speakers coming, Laura & I are sharing a room at the ultra-chic City Flats Hotel and we will get a chance to hang out with 60 other women for a day downtown Holland. Besides the sheer fact that I love conferences for the snack breaks and goody bags (just being honest). And since I got to put those two things together, I know they are pretty great.

Also looking forward to upcoming weekends with friends, showers on the horizon and anticipating the weather changing in a few short months to be able to get outside more often! We registered this weekend and picked out a jogging stroller that I will be happily rolling along in the sunshine this spring while Ryan walks Toby along side of me and the babe. I think we surprised ourselves at how well registering went compared to our wedding registry experience which left us at odds over dishes and towels. This time around we tried to just have fun with each other and be thankful that we have people in our live generous enough to merit a registry.

I feel like I am being stretched in so many ways right now but sitting down and writing it out gives so much perspective. Looking forward to a restful Sunday and a new week.

nesting is real.

I am in full swing clean the house, get rid of things we don't need mode around here. For example, I am pulling all furniture out to clean behind it, dreaming of stacks to take to Goodwill, dying to go through both of our closets for things we don't wear (with the exception of my future wardrobe when I am no longer wearing stretchy top pants) and find myself listing things on Craigslist here and there.

Proof that nesting is real. In other pregnancy related news, the clumsiness has begun as well. I dropped not one but two glasses this week. Thankfully no one was hurt in the process. I am still feeling great and looking forward to my six month check up this week to find out how this little one is doing.

seeking clarity

I love the way this picture, taken on our recent CA trip, displays so much detail of the elements in the foreground but leaves the rest somewhat blurry.

It is a pretty accurate picture of how I feel about my life right now. I know we are going to have this baby in 4 months about which I am so excited. I know that my husband will be seminary student which feels like the next right thing. But what lies between then and now and even after that seems a bit unknown in several ways. I am learning about clarity in the day and being ok with knowing less and trying to trust more.

Since the beginning of the year I have struggled to put words and lists to goals for the year, something I usually like to wrap my mind around as I look over a blank calendar, open with possibilities. We spent last weekend up north with the entire youth group staff, all 10 of us cozied up in a cabin big enough to spread out and share thoughts and perspectives. A big part of the weekend was looking at our strengths as part of the team building Ryan, Laura & I have been dreaming about. And something struck me. Most of my strengths lie in relationships, in developing others and sharing life with people. It became clear to me that my goals center around my relationships and everything else flows out of those goals.

It has also become quite clear to me that my contentment and planning for this baby have shifted due to the said unknowns. I haven't planned my dream nursery, in fact I haven't planned anything really yet and in some ways it has been freeing for me and other ways it has been terrifying to have zero control over this path. All I know is that right now I am finding clarity and contentment in taking one day at time. Let me rephrase that more accurately, I am fighting for clarity and contentment one day at a time.

God gave me this verse the other night which struck a chord with my heart right now:

Habakkuk 3:19
The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights.

When we were in Israel we learned about praying that we would have feet for the path, rather than praying for a certain path. This verse took my mind and my heart back to that lesson.

Praying for feet for the path.

currently loving: citrus

This is me at a road side stand in California, happier than a lark because we found fresh fruit, something I cannot get enough of right now. Cravings are such a funny thing but all I know is that a major glass of oj in the morning and an orange or two throughout the day make me so happy.

Poor Ryan, he was left to take artsy pics of fruit while I joyful dug through the bins for the biggest ones. Here is to hoping that I get my cravings for some good ice cream & coffee drinks back this summer!

California 2011

A week with my best friend and my heart is full to the brim.
This trip was nothing short of celebratory as Ryan finished his degree from Moody at the end of December and we find ourselves dreaming about all this new year will hold, like becoming parents to this ever growing bundle:


We had such a great time exploring the cities and coastlines, laughing and talking, eating amazing meals and seeing new sites. Ryan really made it special for me by planning lots of little surprises along the way and for the first time, this type A girl completely reveled in the unknown. Here are a few of my favorite adventures from the week as they unfolded.

Driving along the coastline of Highway 1:







Spending three three days in a place where we could start and end the days with walks on the beach; filling the moments in between with lazy cups of tea and conversation:



And the city. We have both always loved the city and neither of us had been to San Francisco before so we rode every mode of transportation possible (except maybe a segway). We walked up and down the historic streets, visited the modern parts of town, saw a show at Berkeley, jumped on and off the trolley & had the best bowl of clam chowder ever at Fisherman's Wharf:





We also learned that Alcatraz wasn't as completely desolate and dark as we thought. There is some inspiring conservation and sustainability work going on there that made our tour so much fuller:





It felt like the new year was on hold for a week being away and now the next little bit of life is starting to unfold with decisions to be made, a nursery to dream about and days to enjoy but I have a feeling that we will always be thankful for California!