I missed typing out my words this week. They found themselves weaved this week into conversations with so many good friends and journals and the pages of my Bible and some only ran through my mind. Choosing to not detail out online the things that are taking place in the life of my family, I will simply give the context that things are not right and there is much grieving, processing, and loving taking place.
Grief continues to be a funny thing in life that feels somewhat thematic of the past year and not something that I ever anticipated writing about or thinking about this often. A friend posted an article recently by Dan Allender (author and professor @ Mars Hill Graduate School) , entitled the Hidden Hope in Lament. It talks about how lament, both private and public are an appropriate expression in our relationship with God and how many times the Psalmist uses their own words to give us a model on how to do so. I also loved this acknowledgement in the article (read the rest of it here):
Christians seldom sing in the minor key. We fear the somber; we seem to hold sorrow in low-esteem. We seem predisposed to fear lament as a quick slide into doubt and despair; failing to see that doubt and despair are the dark soil that is necessary to grow confidence and joy.
I think that is so true, that we fear sackcloth and ashes and tell one another to pray about it. And I firmly believe in and have felt the prayers of the saints both in the past 7 days Yet, I also feel there is outward and physical response to grief that is part of the road to healing. As I continue to learn what that looks like, I am taking notes, literally. I want to see God's hand in the process and affirm that faithfulness. I also want to remember what things made sense to me so when others are in this place, I have a resource. Here are some of the things that have ministered to me this week (insert overwhelming thankfulness for all of my dear friends here):
If you have the inclination to pick up the phone or send an email, do it. This is something I always hesitate on doing but so appreciate them on the recieving end.
Send scripture in ways that can be carried (on cards, notecards, crafts).
Do normal things. Coffee. Magazines. It may seem trivial but normalcy is a gift.
Understand the desire to engage but the inability at moments to engage as well.
Gas gift cards.
PRAYER. on the phone. in coffee shops. in cars.
All of that said, I am fighting to see God's faithfulness because I believe it is that important and really looking forward to the wedding of a friend tonight who is getting remarried after 4 hard years. I will be DANCING it up downtown @ the reception and enjoying the celebration. Also will be rockin this dress (CLEARANCE!) & my new little headband with the silver flower...