Sunday, March 8, 2009
I want to live like this:
hands open. recognizing the gift of renewal and new life going on all around and inside of me. He is making all things new (Revelation 21). Blogging feels like the final step of the first part of what I have begun to identify as my spiritual recovery. The past year and a half became directed towards figuring out what the "it" was in my life that was missing. Or not fitting. Turns out, after much processing, LONG coffee dates, a praying husband and friends with the ability to listen endlessly...the "it" was me. Love how Sara Groves puts it in this song.
See, I set out on this journey to figure out what I should change, particularly in my career. And it became this "thing" that consumed my mind, my energies. my time. I mean honestly; who else do you know who can say they have been on 30 job interviews in the past year? That in itself should have been my wake up call that I am not driving this ship. But, albeit a long and winding journey, I ended up face down, plain at the end of my energies, my abilities, my drive. And that is the place where freedom began. For those of you who have walked with me, I am thankful and blessed. And for those of you whom my pride prevented from walking with me, I am excited to share life openly with you.
The funny thing is about giving up control to God for someone like me who is a perfectionist and control freak is that it is a daily thing. That quick fix change I was looking for didn't happen. Sometimes I feel like being that SNL skit (sorry the quality is a little shaky...you get the point...
I want to fix it, identify another problem, fix it.
Instead, He is renewing me, making me new, from the inside out.
and it is so much better than I could do.