seeking clarity

I love the way this picture, taken on our recent CA trip, displays so much detail of the elements in the foreground but leaves the rest somewhat blurry.

It is a pretty accurate picture of how I feel about my life right now. I know we are going to have this baby in 4 months about which I am so excited. I know that my husband will be seminary student which feels like the next right thing. But what lies between then and now and even after that seems a bit unknown in several ways. I am learning about clarity in the day and being ok with knowing less and trying to trust more.

Since the beginning of the year I have struggled to put words and lists to goals for the year, something I usually like to wrap my mind around as I look over a blank calendar, open with possibilities. We spent last weekend up north with the entire youth group staff, all 10 of us cozied up in a cabin big enough to spread out and share thoughts and perspectives. A big part of the weekend was looking at our strengths as part of the team building Ryan, Laura & I have been dreaming about. And something struck me. Most of my strengths lie in relationships, in developing others and sharing life with people. It became clear to me that my goals center around my relationships and everything else flows out of those goals.

It has also become quite clear to me that my contentment and planning for this baby have shifted due to the said unknowns. I haven't planned my dream nursery, in fact I haven't planned anything really yet and in some ways it has been freeing for me and other ways it has been terrifying to have zero control over this path. All I know is that right now I am finding clarity and contentment in taking one day at time. Let me rephrase that more accurately, I am fighting for clarity and contentment one day at a time.

God gave me this verse the other night which struck a chord with my heart right now:

Habakkuk 3:19
The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights.

When we were in Israel we learned about praying that we would have feet for the path, rather than praying for a certain path. This verse took my mind and my heart back to that lesson.

Praying for feet for the path.

dear 2010,

In honor of my tradition of writing a Christmas letter, I decided that this year I would write that letter here. Without further ado.

Dear 2010,
You surprised me, overwhelmed me, blessed me and left me looking forward to another 365 days. Beginning in January with our last minute trip to Passion2010, you placed a new L-O-V-E for college students in my heart and planted a little seed of wonder about working with them in some context in the future. My husband loved them too so that made that seed grow even more.

You made life hard to understand at times and I learned that to forgive is better than to be bitter and that the story going on in life is so much bigger than me. I was reminded time and time again that even in the midst of battling with life, flowers and friendships help reveal God's grace and beauty when it seems a bit dark.
.
It became obvious once again that my brother will always be one of my very best friends and I realized that the same is becoming true for Ryan's friendship with him.


I fell in love with my husband time and time again, as he challenged me, loved me through my hard times and showed me what it looks like to grow. I think spending the summer with these 6 students and his passion towards doing life with them and teaching them has something to do with it as well.


We journeyed through 15 days of of a life changing adventure with new friends and something shifted deep within us and our marriage as a result of our time in Israel.

And no matter how much traveling we do, we always settle on the cottage as one of our top vacation destinations.

Somewhere along the way this year I became even more of a homebody, re-sparked my love for reading and decided to take my writing more seriously. Meeting my favorite author wasn't too shabby either.

I learned the freedom of getting things off my chest with writing regularly about a few little confessions here, here, here and most recently here.

And here you have brought me, halfway through growing our first child who we will see tomorrow in our 20 week ultrasound. I couldn't be more amazed at this blessing and the miracles and wonders of the next year are beyond me.

Although I am writing this letter to you 2010, I think the true author of this year has been God and I am thankful for grace and second chances He has offered me every single day.

comings and goings

In retrospect, the last two days have been such good days. I mean that in the simplest of ways really as they were normal and included things like work and laundry, waking up in the middle of the night several times (insomnia already!?) and forcing myself to do something active.

What made them great though were the people I shared them with. Last night playing Mexican train dominoes over pizza & ice cream with hot fudge with two girl friends, this morning pancakes and coffee with Allison in the quiet of her kitchen, and tonight hosting friends with Ry for a simple meal of chicken tacos with lots of little bowls, my favorite kind of meal. I feel like I am starting to recognize the ways in which my efforts to make a quieter life for myself are paying off and the value of making choices I feel good about in regards to time spent with people and time spent alone. It seems like when life was barreling forward at higher speeds, I was able to see the blessings but not soak them in as freely as nights like these. I was always thinking of what was coming next and wasn't able to look backwards at the everyday moments that make up something that matters.

So tonight, what matters to me is that Katie and I sat at the table and got real, about things we are learning and things we are struggling to learn. And it matters that as I type, Ryan is sitting in the other room, sharing our home with a friend like we haven't in a while. I'm learning, again, that hospitality is less about our dishes and menus and more about allowing people to have space in our homes, to feel like they are welcome here and that they have an invitation to be where they are.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that the last two days, I was on the receiving end and the giving end and thankful for both.

searching for some quiet

*picture taken at Khirbet Qeiyafa- an archelogical dig dated to King David where the oldest piece of Hebrew literature was recently discovered speaking of righteousness & justice.


I have always loved moving fast, busy days and packed weekends. But since we have been home from Israel, something inside of me is longing for more quiet in my life. I think part of it is a maturing process taking place and all that stands between me and quiet is discipline of myself.

I can run miles and train for races, I can organize events and execute whatever plans are laid out. But can I rest and wait, sit and write and stop long enough to smell the roses?

I always think, "this week will be the week, I will get up earlier and spend a few quiet minutes." But then the reality of needing to make a lunch, making the mistake of checking my email in the morning and debating whether to scrunch or blow dry my hair eat away at those precious moments. I lose the chance to dig in deep.

The thing I am realizing, which may sound obvious but is an easily overlooked truth in my life, is that life and discipline are all about making little steps in the direction that we want to go. And to live a good story, those little steps count just as much as the big ones. The summer internship we are running with these high school students is reminding me that my charachter and integrity build endurance through the small choices and decisions, just like training for anything else.

For me, I am realizing how easily I can confuse a good path with the best path. I keep thinking of this image..."wide is the road but narrow is the gate":

*picture taken at Scythopolis on the main road (also known as the cardo)

I'm not trying to get all zealous and exclusive but I am finding that in my own life doing good things is not adding up to a better walk with Christ. It just doesn't cut it. It looks great on the outside but doesn't motivate the heart change I know I need when I find myself struggling with the same issues or lacking wisdom to make decisions. I am convicted that one of the things in my life that deafens my ability to hear the small whispers of "this is my way, walk in it" is my busyness. So I am making a concerted effort to guard time and seek quiet.

FW: Burned Biscuits

I was never any good at chain letters or postcards or recipe exchanges. And I suppose that my lack of love for email forwards just continued that pattern.
However, this morning as I drank my coffee, I took a rare opportunity to read this forward, "burned biscuits". The title could be interpreted in a number of different ways, I will let you run your own analysis on that one. Moving on. Reading it gave me a little bit of a deep breath towards some of the over analyzing taking place on many relational fronts in my life.

Without further ado, I give you...BURNED BISCUITS: (*author not credited because who knows who writes these things):

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

Life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!


So Please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just fine.

the end.

me and my W2(s)

boy oh boy. Nothing like multiple tax forms to remind me of the events of the past year in my professional life. I had my job @ the non-profit consulting firm that I loved and lost within 3 short months due to economic strain, got this job the same day I lost that one, was rehired at the company that I quit 8 months earlier, starting selling Uppercase Living & accepted the position as the High School Youth Group assistant at our church. Which is where we land now; with me working a total of 5 days between 3 part-time jobs.

Let me do some calculations. 5 jobs in one year. No wonder if felt a bit rocky at times. If I were a CPA, I would hate me. Maybe even judge me due to my heavy paperwork as someone who is a chronic floater, discontent or a restless employee. I don't feel like that girl anymore, although I can definitely say that this is not what I had in mind for the trail on my resume. I guess some things cannot be easy judged by the trail left behind but have to be understood through experiencing them. I also know through this time I have had some incredibly patient friends who continued to push me to look for answers, to sort through discontentment rather than stuff it and to ultimately look for and realize my worth outside my work.

And the good thing is that I still really LIKE working. I have a healthy appetite to learn new things in the roles that I am in and continue to find that what I put in, I get out. So here's to a year of less tax forms and keeping things constant. sounds like a plan to me.

THE Passion Post

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your truth, we wait eagerly for You; Your name and renown are the desire of our souls." Isaiah 26:8

Hard to believe that 2 whole weeks have passed since our time in Atlanta and I am thankful for the continued blessing that those jammed packed, 8 am to 1 am for 4 straight days were. Remiss towards sleep and ready for the adventure, something happened in my heart the morning that we prepared to depart. As I stood in the shower, I was convicted and made aware of the unique place in their lives that the students we were going away with are at. I remembered the things that were part of my spiritual journey @ TU and realized the value that I would gain from participating in their growth.

I'm so thankful that happened because the switch in my thinking forced me to introduce myself, to ask questions and prepare for long answers to those questions. There is something to be said about truly engaging in that you get what you give. I was prepared for a few desirable days of retreat, for my heart to be challenged by some awesome teaching and music, which it was. What I was not prepared for was the hard and fast falling in love with students that took place.

Together we sat under some great teaching by Francis Chan (Crazy Love), Beth Moore, Andy Stanley, John Piper, not to mention some powerful worship led by Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Charlie Hall, Chris Tomlin...and I was inundated and processing at high speeds but had specifically prayed that there might be something small to retain as to avoid a spiritual high in turn for a continuum of the themes God seems to be bringing into my life. Like how temporal our life here is and how big He is. God totally answered that prayer through John Piper's teaching on whether or not Jesus is "ego-maniac". How dare He command the world and all in it to worship Him?

I do not profess or if I am honest, desire, to be an intellectual but my heart was yearning to understand the answer to this question and the deeper question of why God created us and it all for His glory. Something in my view of God changed through the teaching and God gave me a picture later that night. He gave me a giraffe.

And now you are wondering how an African savanna animal ties into my picture of God. Let me explain. It is as if I have been seeing up close pieces(spots) of God in a really tangible way and have felt the spots of His grace, mercy, love for me and seen pieces of Him. But all of a sudden the lens zoomed out and there He was, towering above me in His Majesty, overwhelming me with the vastness of Him. It humbled me and gave me an awe that could only result in my joy and giving Him glory. If you would like to hear John Piper's teaching on this topic from an earlier sermon you can find it here.

Here is Ry & I hanging out at one of the sessions.

One more thing I wanted to mention was the opportunity that students had to participate in justice around the world by checking out the "DO SOMETHING NOW" center, where 12 organizations around the globe set up villages, faces, experiences to bring to the forefront how to put your worship into action. Over 4 days, through the pocket books of students giving up lattes, money for the semester and even fasting, over $600,000 was given to these 12 organizations resulting in life change around the world. Check out the link above to learn about the missions represented, I know you will be encouraged too.

my resolve: to do the hard things

So here is my version of this new year's resolution. I want to do the hard things. These things are not large and grand like training for an Ironman or reading a book a week (truly hard things). I mean things like going to bed at a decent hour and calling friends to connect when I start to hermit myself. Things like letting my counter stack up with a mess of items in order to sit down with my hubby and truly LISTEN to what he has to say to me and prioritizing reading my Bible over updating my blog. Somehow the "easy" things become the hard things to me and rather than make big steps, I am choosing to make little steps towards my resolve.

I am also resolving to NOT run the Riverbank Run again because I believe that life long goal was achieved in 2009 and my knees have asked me to not put that on the list again. Speaking of the hard things, it is now 11:11 p.m. and here is my chance to put the plan into action.

I WILL be carving out some time this weekend however to sit down and write the "Passion" post to share some of the things that God really impressed upon me in our time in Atlanta last week. Including some incredible music that I have never been exposed to before like Christy Nockels...where have I been?! Here is a little something until then...

my friend's kids...

are simply wonderful. I can't put into words the emotion I have except to say that it is really meaningful to see my friends as moms and experience their process and journey as make that transition.

I won't say that it hasn't been hard, it has in the past year been a struggle for me to find my place between discussions about burp clothes and potty training. And I also can say that I know it will be a little while yet until we step into that phase of our lives so I will continue to struggle to find my place in those conversations.

But in the past week I have had several opportunities to sit with, hold and entertain their little ones and have been so blessed by their kiddos. The moments that I let go of trying to be in the secret society of motherhood and get over myself, I get lost in loving those moments. And I am really thankful because it feels good to let go and love my friends where they are at including loving their kids.

Cleaning up messes

I cried today over spilled coffee and after rinsing it held my sweater out the window all the way to church to dry it out. How funny that must have looked to the other cars, my purple v-neck flapping in the wind. It just felt like that kind of morning, messy. Until I was reminded. Reminded that I have a choice, to engage in the mess, or to give the mess up.

Talking about more than my shirt at this point. This week started a year-long journey we are going through as an entire church to read the Bible (check it out here). The whole story, from beginning to end. So here we sit at the beginning and I realized this morning how much like Eve I am; like we all are. We want more, whether it be more wisdom, more beauty, more things. We want more and the ironic thing is, the pursuit of more leaves us hungry, shivering and afraid.

But instead of leaving us alone, God stepped in to the garden to clean up the mess of fallenness and promised His Son. And even though there are so many apples that seem to fall right into my path, pulling me away, I am learning that they don't sustain and fill the way the Word can. It's awesome that our community is walking this journey through the Bible together, because I need more of this story in my life, to remind me that I don't have to try to clean it all up on my own and come up with solutions like being good and trying to learn acceptance. It's already mine.

Ryan has been reminding me of this lately, when he hears the things that I say and the way I process certain areas of my life. I'm really thankful for the work God is doing in his life, because it is giving me a better understanding daily what it means to want the things God has for us as part of His story, rather than just rushing back to the tree, even to just sit and look at it longingly. So thanks God for today, for your sustenance and for a husband who loves me enough to tell me what to eat.

birds

Sometimes I think about time in essence of weeks. But more and more lately I find myself challenged to only think about the day in front of me. Because really, no matter what intentions or plans I have, today matters and the rest will take care of itself.

I love what it says in Matthew 6, that the birds of the air and the lilies will be cared for so we shouldn’t worry. I don’t see the little blue jays and hummingbirds, the tulips and the roses craning their necks so to speak, crying out for their food and their sunlight. They know it will come and it does.

This week has been really good living this way, trying my hardest to start my day reading my Bible which was a 2 for 4 effort in the past few days. I found myself challenged to pray instead of worry after facing head on the reality of my continued desire for control in my life and the lives of those I love.

I will say, the last few months in this transition have been harder than I imagined, bringing adjustments and changing of roles that have thrown me for a few curves. But I want to fight to have a prayerful heart because if I am honest, worry and control come a lot easier.

Praying with this heart for my dear friend who just delivered her first baby and is waiting for the results of some tests today on his heart. Praying with this heart for my own attitude towards all of the transition going on in our life; the need for me to work hard in this season to support Ryan as a student and that my response would be gladness rather than burden. Asking for reminders that if the birds are ok, I will be too.

remembering why I love it

I think I had forgotten why I liked running, fallen out of love with it of sorts. It wasn't always a love/hate relationship; certainly something that I have had seasons with but for the last 2 years it has been a very strong passion and push. Until mid-May when I ran my first 25k, the big dog, the race I have hoped to run since I was 15.

After that day, I kind of hit a wall with running. It became something I should do, rather than something that gave me life in doing. So I took baby steps back, flirting with it and then finally giving it it's proper "dear john" and giving up my place in the half-marathon we do every fall.

But this morning, something unique happened as I ran through the Chicago streets of Emily & Dennis' neighborhood. I remembered why I loved it, before the training charts and the stopwatches, the timing my miles and thinking about paces. For a few miles I floated down the sidewalks, watching traffic and other pedestrians, in my happy place. And remembered why I love running and hope to keep it that way.

dressing in layers

As I got dressed tonight to head out to the campgrounds that my family is staying at this week, I pulled on my current favorite jeans and a fitted brown tee. I decided the t-shirt just wasn't laying right so I layered it up with a tank over top that I always feel good in. It gives and hugs and lays just the way it is supposed to, covering the things I want covered and giving attention to the good stuff.

The funny thing about layering is that it doesn't change what is underneath, it just changes what others perceive or see. I think it is this way with the transparency of our lives as well. I was reminded this week in two separate conversations with friends that I easily place layers on the areas of my life that I am unsure about or working through, in the same way I wear certain clothes when I am in disagreement with my body. It's like I don't even realize, I just dress myself in a way that the things that are in process are covered up and made presentable and keep going on my merry way.

I don't want to be someone who is less than transparent in relationship, who doesn't have to make sure that every hair is in place and my shirt tucked in, so to speak. I want to be able to emotionally have my socks not match and my shirt need ironing, to let myself be seen in the process. And I think the end result would not be that it would all look and fit perfectly into a neat little package, but that I would allow myself to be transformed less into who I want to be underneath and more who Christ gave Himself up for me to be. Because of that we can be radiant, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing and I'm telling you, I would rather wear this than any layered look I can come up with.

a new season

I was reminded yesterday that some things that I think of as "long term" seasons or transitions really are only "short term". It is the end, for now, of Ryan's life as an entrepreneur and really feels like the end of an era as July 1 marks the sale of his business and the catapult into this new season of being a full time student.

Hard to believe that 4 years ago, he and Jeremy started Stability One , just 3 weeks after we returned from our honeymoon. And as proud as I am of him for what he accomplished in those 4 years, seeing him pursue what he knows he is called to means more than any company earnings or success ever could. And I am thankful to know he feels the same way.

I imagined there to be a sense of mourning when this day came, as a piece of life that has been part of our marriage and identity for 4 years has come to an end. But it feels less like we are breaking something off and more like we are phasing into something new, that is the right fit for this time. It feels like freedom; freedom from insane work weeks and freedom from the pull for Ryan between work and school. Now those 2 words are one and the same for him, school is work. Ready to walk this journey ahead and excited to see what it brings!

the difference one year can make

welcome to june, only 3 days late right? This week is flying by and I stopped in my tracks Monday morning, realizing that a year ago (june 1, 2008) was my first day of choosen unemployment. While, maybe not choosen unemployment but working myself out of a job without another one lined up.
I went back and read my first thoughts on this blog at that time, looking for a space to lay my thoughts out to examine.

And oh friends, the difference a year can make. Let's start from the very beginning and at the risk of writing chapters, I think a list will do:

in the past year I...
-left my job and my stability
-left my position with the youth group
-enter identity crisis, stage right
-sat on my couch, coffee shops and the chairs of my interviewers for 5 weeks
-got hired at non-profit development company
-company closed
-back to coffee shop, but only for a morning as I met my new boss there
-started working for a non-profit, realized it had a short term purpose
-left that job for my old job that I worked so hard to quit
-decided with my husband that he would sell his business and I would be his sugar mamma
-found myself happy there

On a heart level: learned my worth is defined so much deeper than what I am doing, that someday I will love being a mother, watched dear friends get married, friends who struggled to have a baby have their sweet baby girl, learned about grief, learned about joy, watched my husband grow in his faith & joined in for the ride, ran some more miles, experienced anxiety and experienced peace.

I am thankful for the difference that a year can make.

People by Numbers

no, not paint by numbers; you read right...people by numbers. I absolutely love personality analysis exercises, insight into how people think and realizing just how different we all truly are. I guess you could say that BA in Psychology really jump started the engine on this one. That and marriage which may well be the best way to learn just how different 2 people can be.

I recently became aware of a new resource; new to me that is, not new in general. It is the Enneagram which assigns personalities on a wheel from 1 to 9. A side note bout the the wheel is that it does not operate on a continuum so you won't find that identifiers of any one characteristic will increase as you go around the circle. Each number is distinct and separate, the wheel is simply a way to organize the information.

According to the Enneagram Institute, I am a 2. I like reading the positives about myself as a 2, like how I am empathetic, warm, and sincere. It gets a little harder when it gets into the downfalls of 2s; pride, fear of worthlessness, working to win other's affection. And then there is my 8 husband although the last time I referred to him as such, he felt compelled to inform me that he is man, not a number. Guess I can only take it so far.

Because it really has been so helpful for me, I challenge you to go nuts for numbers and check it out. Let me know what you find out about you!

art

a few months ago now, we painted pottery one rainy Saturday afternoon. And for type A me, pottery can be a freeing yet hard thing at the same time. My heart cries out to do something messy and expressive and non-measured but my hands know straight lines and color schemes and staying within bounds.

Art can be defined in so many ways but "real" art is not defined by symmetry and obsessiveness and straight lines. Or maybe it is? Maybe art is a lot more about letting yourself be free to expression in whatever way suits you best. Eloquent word pictures like those of my favorite word artist, author Shauna Niequist, or beautifully flowing mediums spread over canvas like my friend Lisa whose pictures spot the office I work in. I believe both of these women to be real artists.

I am finding that it really doesn't matter what art looks or feels like to other people, art is first for ourselves, then for the community around us. I am even finding that to be true in the art of writing my thoughts regularly throughout journals and on this space. Even if the only set of eyes to view my words are mine, which I hope is always the case with the journals, the art comes first in the expression, then the interaction and interpretation.

gifts

If you have ever experienced or been blessed by another person's giftedness, you know what an incredible thing that is. For some, it is teaching, counseling, reaching out to others; for others it is hospitality or encouragement. When you see someone using their gift it is like they are doing what they were born to do.

I have been learning more about the Holy Spirit lately through conversation and study & have started to be curious on a faith level what my gifts are. I know I have gone through a few gift analysis profiles and personality quizzes in the past, but I am not sure that I know. What I do know is that is that when I am acting out my faith in ways that feels like through the power of the Holy Spirit in everyday life, it's good. And when it's good, there is temptation to give me credit for doing things. Just being honest with human nature. I had a friend recently put it to me this way "worry less about your gift blessing others and more about glorifying God and pointing people to Him."

Bottom line, it's not about me. I read this blog a few days ago and was really encouraged by her thoughts. It affirmed even more that even the tangible gifts we hold dear (people we love, relationships, community) should be lived with Hands open and even more importantly, pointing the credit to God.

profile

Wednesday was a good day- it always is because it a begins with our weekly prayer time & team meeting at CapTrust. Something I missed on a deep level while I was on my 8 month hiatus from that place. If you check out the team, insert me 2nd row right, between Ryan & Shanon. I missed the full out photo shoot while I was busy being unemployed twice & figuring things out. (however, I am still in the website mockup) shot.

In thinking about what to write in a current profile for myself as I am integrated back in & crossing my fingers no one asks if I can get my picture taken until I get some summer sun on my pale face... a few things come to mind but I would rather inventory the full scope of my life for introspection. Cause this is my open canvas, so I guess I have the right to. Here we go:

Rebekah Wallace:
contented wife
homemaker
dog lover
journalist
older sister
emotionally sensitive...crier
worker bee
people-pleaser/peace maker
daughter of the King
crafter
trusting
lover of laundry!

Quick Stats:
-Might be found solving the worlds problems daily over a cup of tea or coffee when not working, check JP's and if I am not there, check Panera Bread on the North side.
-Curiously seeking the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer

Through all of this continued processing in our lives, I am learning to be a student of Ryan as well..here are a few things I think I might find on his profile:

Ryan Wallace:
passionate disciple
entrepreneur
husband seeking to lead
great sense of humor
shower singer- seems to favor David Crowder tunes.

What about you? What would you write on your current "profile" of you and where you are at?

On the Road

It was a day all my own and I had nothing before me but the open road & an empty minivan. I know, a dream right? Watch out Ikea Canton, here I come. Ryan asked me if I would be willing to take a little road trip on my day off over to the other side of the state to the nearest Ikea to pick up some things that he needed for the office. What a great excuse for a road trip.

I got up EARLY. Like 5:30 early to get my long run in for the week with my running partner as we push towards Riverbank in 7 short weeks. And it felt good, really good which is ironic because I am currently in the process of ending a long term relationship with ibuprofen. A very unhealthy dependent relationship but we just can’t see them when we are in them, can we? I mean look at Amy Winehouse….anyways, I digress.

Back to the adventure at hand; in the van, on the road by 9 am with a predicted arrival time of 11:30. It was about 10 am that my rumbling stomach took me on a detour that I wasn’t planning for (and I had a GPS with me so that isn’t another way to say that I got lost). It was a surprise off-ramp to the Dunkin Donuts in Okemos, MI a few minutes outside of Lansing. Hello yumminess.


And significant in a couple of ways; one, I can count on one hand the donuts I have had as an adult (when I passed my Series 7 and then my Series 66 at work, last summer after the Reeds Lake Run, and 1 with my friend Allison last spring…weird, I know). But the real significance is that Okemos was where my parents built their dream home a few short years before they separated. I haven’t been back to the house since probably early high school when my mom and I drove by it together. I couldn’t remember the address or even the street but I texted my Dad and it was literally 1.6 miles from where I was. So I headed east, turned into the subdivision of homes and began to get a little nervous about seeing the house. I could recall about where it was on the street in relationship to the caul de sac that wasn't built up yet when we lived there, but 20 years later, trees have been planted, shutters repainted and the fields covered in foundations and homes. Beyond the broad narrowing it down between 3 or 4 houses, I couldn't tell you confidently which house was ours.

Back on the road again, not feeling deeply melancholy as anticipated but actually feeling like I may be growing in my ability to process the back story of my life in a way that is reasonable and honest. So while I didn't see the house, the detour felt a bit cathartic. And let's be honest, the sugar buzz didn't hurt either.

Now for anyone who has ever been to Ikea, you know that a strategy must be in place to avoid complete consumerism hunger towards living in 750 perfectly manicured square feet. My plan of attack for this, my 3rd ever visit to Ikea, was limit and conquer. Meaning limit myself to the areas I knew I wanted to look at, get what I came for, and be on my merry way. I managed to put back the vase, candles, party napkins, pitcher, and whatever else was in that bottomless yellow bag and walk away with a wreath that felt like a touch of spring for $9.99.

Which left money in the wallet for my lunch date...with me.
I had serious plans to set up camp for a bit of the afternoon at Zingerman's in Ann Arbor. Check out the menu here.
If you ever get the chance, it is located in a really neat artsy part of the city & known for it's homemade breads, sandwiches, cheeses, all things good really. The menu itself has at least 100 sandwich options & let me tell you, I was glad I ordered a small because I couldn't even get my hands around the turkey & avocado on farm bread that I ordered. And the best part...dessert! They own the building next door in which they have created a haven of bliss (translation: scones, gelato, cakes)...and provide samples of EVERYTHING. Back in the car by 3:00 and on my way home to unload the van and return to real life. But for a time, it was nice to have a date with me.