Thursday, January 20, 2011
I love the way this picture, taken on our recent CA trip, displays so much detail of the elements in the foreground but leaves the rest somewhat blurry.
It is a pretty accurate picture of how I feel about my life right now. I know we are going to have this baby in 4 months about which I am so excited. I know that my husband will be seminary student which feels like the next right thing. But what lies between then and now and even after that seems a bit unknown in several ways. I am learning about clarity in the day and being ok with knowing less and trying to trust more.
Since the beginning of the year I have struggled to put words and lists to goals for the year, something I usually like to wrap my mind around as I look over a blank calendar, open with possibilities. We spent last weekend up north with the entire youth group staff, all 10 of us cozied up in a cabin big enough to spread out and share thoughts and perspectives. A big part of the weekend was looking at our strengths as part of the team building Ryan, Laura & I have been dreaming about. And something struck me. Most of my strengths lie in relationships, in developing others and sharing life with people. It became clear to me that my goals center around my relationships and everything else flows out of those goals.
It has also become quite clear to me that my contentment and planning for this baby have shifted due to the said unknowns. I haven't planned my dream nursery, in fact I haven't planned anything really yet and in some ways it has been freeing for me and other ways it has been terrifying to have zero control over this path. All I know is that right now I am finding clarity and contentment in taking one day at time. Let me rephrase that more accurately, I am fighting for clarity and contentment one day at a time.
God gave me this verse the other night which struck a chord with my heart right now:
The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights.
When we were in Israel we learned about praying that we would have feet for the path, rather than praying for a certain path. This verse took my mind and my heart back to that lesson.
Praying for feet for the path.