Sunday, October 11, 2009

Cleaning up messes

I cried today over spilled coffee and after rinsing it held my sweater out the window all the way to church to dry it out. How funny that must have looked to the other cars, my purple v-neck flapping in the wind. It just felt like that kind of morning, messy. Until I was reminded. Reminded that I have a choice, to engage in the mess, or to give the mess up.

Talking about more than my shirt at this point. This week started a year-long journey we are going through as an entire church to read the Bible (check it out here). The whole story, from beginning to end. So here we sit at the beginning and I realized this morning how much like Eve I am; like we all are. We want more, whether it be more wisdom, more beauty, more things. We want more and the ironic thing is, the pursuit of more leaves us hungry, shivering and afraid.

But instead of leaving us alone, God stepped in to the garden to clean up the mess of fallenness and promised His Son. And even though there are so many apples that seem to fall right into my path, pulling me away, I am learning that they don't sustain and fill the way the Word can. It's awesome that our community is walking this journey through the Bible together, because I need more of this story in my life, to remind me that I don't have to try to clean it all up on my own and come up with solutions like being good and trying to learn acceptance. It's already mine.

Ryan has been reminding me of this lately, when he hears the things that I say and the way I process certain areas of my life. I'm really thankful for the work God is doing in his life, because it is giving me a better understanding daily what it means to want the things God has for us as part of His story, rather than just rushing back to the tree, even to just sit and look at it longingly. So thanks God for today, for your sustenance and for a husband who loves me enough to tell me what to eat.

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