dear hannah,

dear little miss hannah june,
What a wonderful blessing having you has already been. Here is what I am learning after being your mom for only two short weeks. Taking care of someone your size is harder than I ever gave anyone credit for but at the same time, more beautiful and natural than I ever thought it might be.

You will learn that sometimes I make things way bigger than they need to be (I'm working on it). The first few weeks of your life have been no exception. The amount of energy that went towards a small issue we were working through to get your weight up has consumed conversation and brain space more, than I dare admit. I have decided to move forward and I'm thankful for the community that already surrounds us as I do so. I don't want to miss a moment of this journey consumed with myself or things outside of our control. As for you, you have been a gem and unaware of this worry of mine so I know I need to let it go too.

This is the beauty of it girlie, that God is inviting us to grow as I live in this space of learning a whole new role in life. I feel stretched and moved, humbled and tired of course. I have been thinking a lot about how to start translating our experience into words and want to capture all of this for us.

Before you were born, your Dad and I started talking about writing together and in the next few weeks we are going to make that little dream a reality. We are not 100% sure what direction it might take yet but it will be a combination of my thoughts about "thankfulness" & his deeper perspective on "thoughtfulness". We also want it to be a place where we can work through our own journey as a little family in hopes to encourage others. I can't wait to see where the path takes us next and am so thrilled you are here and along for the ride.

For now I am enjoying every day with you as I tell you all about our family and the things we like to do. We seem to be finding our own little quirks as I read to you from my favorite books in the middle of the night to keep us awake to eat and call you my little "birdie girlie". Thank you for being patient with me and teaching me how to love bigger than myself.

all my heart,
Mom


*More to come on the writing and Hannah but here are a few snapshots of our first few weeks. (PS. everything in her closet has been a gift so far! This girl has more personal shoppers than Macy's!)

This is one of my FAVORITE pictures of her so far by our friend Christy who did our maternity pics as well:

a whole new world

I can't believe that 9 days have already passed and a week ago we were bringing our sweet baby girl home from the hospital. I haven't blogged, although there have been many hours between 3-5 a.m. that I could have but it seems almost too large to capture all of the emotions, changes, joys and blessings that have taken place in less than 10 days.

Hannah came in to our world a few days later than our original due date (May 16) but also a few days earlier than the doctor eventually thought she would. Believing that I would be later yet, I went with Molly to a girl's night in GR, in hopes to win some giveaways and have some good snacks. I got a whole lot more out of the deal! Just for fun I had gotten a foot massage with some focused pressure on "trigger" spots for labor but hadn't taken it too seriously.

When I got home we went on what Ryan declared the fastest walk I had ever taken, pregnant or not. It didn't occur to me at that time that the burst of energy I was feeling could be related to oncoming labor. It just felt like a good night for a walk and we got home and in bed at a relatively normal time. When I got up for probably the third time to go to the bathroom around midnight, my water broke, just like happens in the movies and I knew at that point that things were getting started. I woke Ryan up to tell him and he jumped in to action with me, calling the hospital to see what to do next. They gave us the advice to stick it out at home for awhile and poor Toby followed me around the house for the next 6 hours or so of contractions.

Per my request, we hit up McDonalds for a smoothie between deep breathing on the way to the hospital out of my fear that once I got in to more active labor, I wouldn't be able to eat. We were set up and in our room by 7 a.m. and although my contractions were closer together and harder, I was surprised to hear that not much was happening yet. Between Ryan's support, a few laps around the hall and trying to focus on the end result, the time went pretty quickly but I couldn't imagine going all day like that without progress. When the doctor gave the invitation for an epidural (my plan all along), I jumped at the opportunity and couldn't say enough nice things about the anesthesiologist. I told Ryan to "write him a check" because his work was invaluable, clearly I was a bit loopy by this point.

After that took place, the game changed incredibly. I was actually able to enjoy the process and focus on the fact that I was going to have this baby within the next 12 hours or so. A couple of times the doctor came back to check me and things were still not progressing to the point that he wanted them to. The biggest issue was that she was not dropping at all and he was pretty sure that she would not fit. We started to wonder around 3 or 4 p.m. if a c-section might be in order. He decided to come back one last time after his 5:00 workday ended and if I wasn't ready at that point, we would get ready for surgery. Ryan and I prayed at that time for peace with whatever happened and to be prepared for either outcome. Lo and behold, within a matter of an hour or so, things changed dramatically and when the doctor came back and told me I was at a 10 I was shocked and elated. The time had come!!

The next 45 minutes were some of the most amazing moments of my life, with Ryan by my side as my coach and an incredibly supportive and encouraging medical team, Hannah was born at 6:35 p.m. The emotions I had when I first saw her tiny nose and heard she was a girl were so overwhelming and beautiful. Something changed within both Ryan and I in that moment, knowing we were going to be parents to a daughter. I know I thought it was a boy all along but it just seemed 100% right when Ryan said "its a girl".



The past nine days since then have gone by in a blur of quiet moments, sharing her with friends, all kinds of firsts and learning more than I ever knew possible about love and our little family. Ryan has made this transition incredibly beautiful by doing all kinds of things to take care of his girls. I really don't know what I would do without him. As I right, he and Hannah are fast asleep on the couch, she on his chest and Toby by their feet. I can't wait to share more about her and the journey we are on as parents but until then, I will be soaking up these moments as the come.

she's here

introducing our GIRL!
Hannah June
born May 20, 2011 at 6:35 pm
8 lbs, 2 oz and 20 inches long

Hannah \ha(n)-nah \: of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Hannah is "He (God) has favored me". Biblical context: mother of the prophet Samuel - love this story and knew it was right for this little beauty.

June: my grandma who is a Godly woman and has provided a heritage that we want to continue on with our daughter.

We couldn't be more thrilled, overjoyed, full to the brim with love.


more to come...