desert song

This song is on my heart tonight, for those who are in deserts, for those who are feeling like they are in green pastures. This feels like a green pasture time for me right now, like God is blessing us left and right with His presence and peace as we walk in ways that sometimes leave me a bit uncomfortable. i.e. potentially selling our house 4 weeks before our baby is born. We had some interest yesterday and someone else walking through on Tuesday and I am learning to trust the process and not get ahead of myself.

That being said, baby stuff is about to come out of the woodwork and start taking over the house. This is the week that we had set to do that and I am SO excited about it, no matter what the outcome is with our pending move. Can't wait to see those little onesies and perfectly stacked diapers, hoodie towels and books lined up.

Back to my thoughts on the desert song; tonight at youth group, Ryan taught the 6th of a 7 week series on Abraham. I was reminded AGAIN of how God wants us to partner with Him. I have always thought of Abraham as full of faith, always trusting the bigger plan and have been learning that He, just like us, made plenty of mistakes along the way. Encouraged and hopeful that over time, we would follow closer to the path that He has set out for us.

"for such a time as this"

egm first annual women's retreat in review:

the digs: City Flats Hotel, downtown Holland.

the crew: Laura & I plus two of our high school students, sisters Alyssa & Katie who helped us with hospitality stuff for the weekend.

the other half of our team: Sally & Jodi who handled all of the registration plus emceed the event.

the lovely venue for our sessions: Trendway's downtown showroom which was literally right across the street from the hotel and perfect to hold our 70 retreat guests.

Our two speakers blessed us so much. Friday night we heard from Christine Mutch, who works at Cornerstone University in GR to disciple students. Her testimony of God's story in her life over the past 8 years was so touching. At the age of 28 she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and has now been in remission since that time and believes in God's call to live fully in each day. She also happens to be one of of Laura's college roommates.

If that wasn't enough, we came back Saturday to hear more from Marla Rotman, local coffee shop frequenter (takes one to know one) who is passionate about sharing her story of recovery and hope. Marla is one of the funniest people I have met in a long time and because she is also one of Laura's close friends, we got to share a room with her Friday night and stayed up until after midnight sharing stories.

We had some free time on Saturday to go downtown Holland and explore shops, catch lunch and just relax. We came back to end the weekend with what I think was one of the highlights of our time. We chose four women from Evergreen whose stories God has used in powerful ways and were reminded through them that sometimes going through times that are really difficult are later the things that God gives us to minister to others.



Overall the weekend really exceeded our expectations and I was glad so many women got to come out and take part in it. There were some new friends made, friendships deepened and lots of reminders of the great things taking place already in our community of women.

"And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"
-Esther 4:14b

what Easter means to me

I have grown up loving everything about the celebration and triumph of Easter from the packages of peeps in every color to fluffy dresses and the power of the music. And the more God does in my life, the more I am humbled and overwhelmed even by the power of Easter. So many times I focus on Christmas, when we celebrate His birth, the coming of Emmanuel, God WITH us but only through Easter and his death do we have God IN us. And that knocks me off my feet onto my face, that He came, died and now gives us the invitation to full life through the death of His son.

Last night we celebrated as a community at EGM through the breaking of bread and sharing a meal (an awesome potluck meal I might add) and I was really encouraged by the leadership choosing to help us walk through this Holy week by beginning with this. As Jesus shared the last supper in community, Remember me. Remember the times here and the things I have taught you, the way you have seen me raise people from the dead and the ways that I have loved. Remember me.

So as we go now into Good Friday and the next 3 days, my mind and heart might just explode at the fact that the veil was torn, that we are invited to be part of the
the story with this aim:

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." I Peter 2:9 ESV

The same God who spoke the world into being, who created Adam & Eve, whose wrath caused a flood, whose love sent His son, who loved disciples like Peter who stuck his foot in his mouth and always spoke too soon, that God invited us out of our darkness. So I say, eat your peeps, twirl in your fluffy dress but don't dare us forget what we are truly celebrating this weekend.

prodigal sons and adopted children

Sunday at EGM we had a service full of people wanting to make their faith public, dedicating their lives and little ones to their God. I can't say I have it all figured out as far as profession of faith vs. baptism, I do know that I don't believe either can secure us a ticket to heaven, but I do know what I saw that day.

I saw pictures of God's story through people, a life of addiction being turned over as a the prodigal son running into the open arms of his father and it was beautiful.

Luke 15: 20-24
20 "So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

I saw families making covenants with God on behalf of their adopted children to show their children how to love God; which is what I think James writes about:

James 1:27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

It was so moving to me on Sunday to see so many snapshots of what God is doing even in the community around us. I have been thinking about "religiosity" lately, how I am surrounded by mostly believers and really challenged to think about what I do about that and how I can start to step in to doing life with others. I was so annoyed last week hearing someone I know use lots of faith talk and acronyms when asked about his life and maybe part of what bothered me is that I know that language. almost fluent in it. Am I living true religion, like James writes about, or am I too busy working out my faith that I end up like the prodigal son's older brother.

Luke 15:29
But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.

And still the Father's response in the story of the prodigal son astonishes me. It is that everything he has is already the older sons to have. speechless. my only thought is that maybe I need to realize the blessings I have but not camp out there, do something to celebrate the lost being found and even engage in the rescue. So where are the action points? Is it spending time with someone who needs support? Is it awareness about international events and major struggles? Is it being open to adoption as a part of my own family at some point?

How do you battle "religiosity" and pursue true religion in your own walk?

THE Passion Post

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your truth, we wait eagerly for You; Your name and renown are the desire of our souls." Isaiah 26:8

Hard to believe that 2 whole weeks have passed since our time in Atlanta and I am thankful for the continued blessing that those jammed packed, 8 am to 1 am for 4 straight days were. Remiss towards sleep and ready for the adventure, something happened in my heart the morning that we prepared to depart. As I stood in the shower, I was convicted and made aware of the unique place in their lives that the students we were going away with are at. I remembered the things that were part of my spiritual journey @ TU and realized the value that I would gain from participating in their growth.

I'm so thankful that happened because the switch in my thinking forced me to introduce myself, to ask questions and prepare for long answers to those questions. There is something to be said about truly engaging in that you get what you give. I was prepared for a few desirable days of retreat, for my heart to be challenged by some awesome teaching and music, which it was. What I was not prepared for was the hard and fast falling in love with students that took place.

Together we sat under some great teaching by Francis Chan (Crazy Love), Beth Moore, Andy Stanley, John Piper, not to mention some powerful worship led by Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Charlie Hall, Chris Tomlin...and I was inundated and processing at high speeds but had specifically prayed that there might be something small to retain as to avoid a spiritual high in turn for a continuum of the themes God seems to be bringing into my life. Like how temporal our life here is and how big He is. God totally answered that prayer through John Piper's teaching on whether or not Jesus is "ego-maniac". How dare He command the world and all in it to worship Him?

I do not profess or if I am honest, desire, to be an intellectual but my heart was yearning to understand the answer to this question and the deeper question of why God created us and it all for His glory. Something in my view of God changed through the teaching and God gave me a picture later that night. He gave me a giraffe.

And now you are wondering how an African savanna animal ties into my picture of God. Let me explain. It is as if I have been seeing up close pieces(spots) of God in a really tangible way and have felt the spots of His grace, mercy, love for me and seen pieces of Him. But all of a sudden the lens zoomed out and there He was, towering above me in His Majesty, overwhelming me with the vastness of Him. It humbled me and gave me an awe that could only result in my joy and giving Him glory. If you would like to hear John Piper's teaching on this topic from an earlier sermon you can find it here.

Here is Ry & I hanging out at one of the sessions.

One more thing I wanted to mention was the opportunity that students had to participate in justice around the world by checking out the "DO SOMETHING NOW" center, where 12 organizations around the globe set up villages, faces, experiences to bring to the forefront how to put your worship into action. Over 4 days, through the pocket books of students giving up lattes, money for the semester and even fasting, over $600,000 was given to these 12 organizations resulting in life change around the world. Check out the link above to learn about the missions represented, I know you will be encouraged too.

starting anew

We are headed on a few little journeys in the next 7 days and I am ever so excited about getting away with my hubby while he is on the last leg of his "Christmas break" from school. Later today we head to Atlanta for Passion and will be on a bus...overnight...with 40 college students. Feeling old in the sense that I am really hoping we get some sleep. I think it will be a great time to get away and enjoy some worship, good teaching, and just hanging out. There are some places in my walk and in my own life that I am glad for the time to reflect on and part of that is going to be leaving my computer behind for a few days. No facebook, no blogging, not even email while we are there, in hopes that I will pick up my pen and my journal to reflect.

We come back LATE Tuesday night and I am going to try and work a few days in there before we head out Thursday again for time with just the 2 of us. Even while Ryan was working a lot, we have always been good at getting away for the weekend because we realized early on in our marriage what a difference it makes. And as much as I am looking forward to Atlanta, I am looking forward to 3 days in Traverse City with just Ryan even more. Usually our weekends away consist of finding new little places to eat, window shopping, watching lots of TV in bed in our hotel room. Here's to hoping there is a Law & Order marathon on sometime next weekend!

Christmas: the aftermath

The presents are opened, the goodies eaten and eaten some more, the miles traveled and the carols sung. And I am at home, exactly where I love to be. I am going to leave my tree up until New Year's day to enjoy the light of it in the mornings when it is still dark and too early to turn the rest of the lights on.

It is going to be a busy week of work but a slow week of evenings at home to continue the rest following the wake of Christmas. This year's Christmas Eve was especially sweet as my brother Erich wrote a poem 4 pages long, chronicalling every step of our annual evening together as a family. Christmas day and yesterday were full of more parties and the older we get, the more grateful I am for the gifts we recieve and time with those we love.

All of that said, I am ready to return to quiet winter days and enjoying our little home and time with Ryan while he is on his semester break until January 12 (which happens to be his 27th b-day!). We are headed out on Friday to PASSION: TWENTY TEN in Atlanta with 50 college students from Grand Valley as leaders with some good friends of ours. I am so looking forward to a few days full of being with students and from what I am learning, Passion is all about encouraging college students to live out their faith so there will be thousands and thousands of young people who are part of campus ministry in their universities represented there.

On top of that, I simply cannot wait to hear and be challenged by people like Francis Chan (author of Crazy Love), Beth Moore, John Piper, and participate in worship led by David Crowder Band, Matt Redman, Christy Nockels, Chris Tomlin...the list goes on. Feeling really blessed to have this opportunity and looking forward to the time away.

corner's offering

Every month our church does something called our Corners Offering which is our response to God's call to care for the poor as they did in the times of the Old Testament by leaving the corners of their fields unharvested for the poor to harvest. Every Sunday, each person is asked to place just a $1 in the corner boxes & this Sunday a view was shown to convey the mission of December's corner offering, The Advent Conspiracy.

I was reminded of and challenged by the thought that so much of this season turns into stress, debt, busyness and how easy it is to reduce those things and bring back to the center worship & truly giving of our time and our resources. Check out this video to learn more about what his group is doing and the difference a little bit can make in getting water to people all over the world.

listening to lately

have you heard Phil Wickham? He is touring with Shane & Shane and Bethany Dillon right now...wish they were coming somewheres around here...
Just recently came across him and love listening to him at Grooveshark, a free music site...move over Pandora! This is MY FAVORITE song right now and here is a taste of him playing it live:


I love the words to this one...not always how I find myself feeling lately but I want this kind of love and passion and am encouraged by the contentment he writes about:

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

plenty of thankful to go around

last night I had my high school girls over and they just knew when they saw the little pieces of paper and pens sitting by their place settings that I was going to make them write out their Thanksgiving list. Just 5 things, anything really. I loved hearing what was on their lists and was admittedly challenged myself to put into words what I was thinking. So here in no particular order is my list for this Thanksgiving.

1. a job with people I not only really like but love
2. my puppy who has kept me company on many lonely days
3. the realization multiple times in this year how short life is and even the beauty to be had in grieving & what it does to our souls
4. faithful friends who pray for me when they say they will
5. the fight within me to learn contentment, as many times as I fail, it feels like baby steps are taking place. 2 steps forward and one back is still one step forward
6. a hubby who loves me through thick and thin and the renewal of our friendship in this past year as we seek to move from living as individuals into one life together
7. family who is faithful to be there for anything and everything we need them for
8. this old house. I love this old house.
9. music and the way it fits my moods, help me worship and expresses what I can't
10. blog friends who are willing to put it all out there and share their experiences, I learn so much by reading others online journals
11. coffee, black coffee, coffee with hazelnut creme, the occasional latte, coffee
12. grace that I don't understand
13. the journey through the Bible we are going through with our small group & church, it is kicking my butt into being in the Word daily, something I could never do on my own
14. creativity and enjoying making things by hand
15. my wedding ring. I was asked the other day by someone when I was getting married and I was able to share about the joys of being married almost 5 years to another girl who was engaged

I know I don't have you at my dinner table, but if I did I would pass you a little paper turkey and ask you to make your own list...

community

I'm thankful tonight (thanks Amber for the reminder). I am not feeling well again and I was not able to be at the visitation for Ryan's grandpa but so many others were. Friends who came out of the wood work, family members who dropped what they had going, people who surprised us and people who we just knew would be there. So that feels like an extension of the body and is keeping me from feeling bad for myself tonight.

Philippians 1:3
I thank my God every time I remember you.

blessed assurance

We recieved the news this morning that Ryan's grandpa is no longer suffering but is face to face with his Jesus. I am so thankful I went to see him Friday night and tell him how thankful I am for the role that he played in my husband's life. How Ryan couldn't have made it through those dark times without him, how his Godly example of love and care for Grandma inspires our marriage, how I love that I got to know him while Ryan and I were dating. He always called me the "girl who loved trees" because he claimed that I could go into a forest and make friends with even the trees. Half of him expected him to call me that Friday night, even though he was no longer able to speak much.

The lyrics to "Blessed Assurance" are running through my mind as I think about the amazing transformation Grandpa's earthly body recieved as he entered the presence of his Lord. No more pain, no more suffering, just lost in His love. I will never understand the ugliness of Alzheimer's and why it is part of so many families' journey here on earth. So this morning I stand in the blessed assurance that life here is just so short and temporary and there is something so much better waiting for us.

in less than a week....we are going to see him:

Perhaps an unlikely looking worship leader. But aren't we all treasures in jars of clay? I don't know any other band that continually leads me to a place of worship and understanding my relationship with God in light of normal everyday life like David Crowder's music does. That being said, this is our third DCB show in the past year so I think we both kind of like him. alot.

I invite you to check out the band's website at the link above for a preview of their music if you haven't heard them before. Here is a snippet of the lyrics of my current favorite:

OH HOW HE LOVES US:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Cleaning up messes

I cried today over spilled coffee and after rinsing it held my sweater out the window all the way to church to dry it out. How funny that must have looked to the other cars, my purple v-neck flapping in the wind. It just felt like that kind of morning, messy. Until I was reminded. Reminded that I have a choice, to engage in the mess, or to give the mess up.

Talking about more than my shirt at this point. This week started a year-long journey we are going through as an entire church to read the Bible (check it out here). The whole story, from beginning to end. So here we sit at the beginning and I realized this morning how much like Eve I am; like we all are. We want more, whether it be more wisdom, more beauty, more things. We want more and the ironic thing is, the pursuit of more leaves us hungry, shivering and afraid.

But instead of leaving us alone, God stepped in to the garden to clean up the mess of fallenness and promised His Son. And even though there are so many apples that seem to fall right into my path, pulling me away, I am learning that they don't sustain and fill the way the Word can. It's awesome that our community is walking this journey through the Bible together, because I need more of this story in my life, to remind me that I don't have to try to clean it all up on my own and come up with solutions like being good and trying to learn acceptance. It's already mine.

Ryan has been reminding me of this lately, when he hears the things that I say and the way I process certain areas of my life. I'm really thankful for the work God is doing in his life, because it is giving me a better understanding daily what it means to want the things God has for us as part of His story, rather than just rushing back to the tree, even to just sit and look at it longingly. So thanks God for today, for your sustenance and for a husband who loves me enough to tell me what to eat.

the joy of a skyline

I started my morning early today. And those who know me know that is a good thing. But on these rainy and dark mornings, even I, O’lover of morning have to admit that it is stinkin’ hard to get myself rolling. As I drove the 20 minutes to meet a friend for breakfast on the other side of town, I was in the morning zone, concentrated on getting there and anticipating caffeine.

We enjoyed our time together and had a good opportunity to connect, which I am finding in relationships is worth getting up early for, or squeezing in a 30 minute walk, because people are BUSY. Another topic for another day. To my point though; as I drove towards work on the highway, the way I used to take into work when I was living at home in those brief months between college and marriage, I remembered what I loved about that commute. If you hit it just right, there is a beautiful dawning taking place as the sun begins to rise and even the hills and industrial skyline of little old Zeeland sparkle.

I can’t describe why it was so beautiful to me this morning but it felt like a little shot of joy plugged into the day, even before 8 a.m. I arrived at work, humored by God and the way that He surprises me with his beauty in our lives, if we only look for it. So today, even in the skyline there was joy to be had.

throwing off hinderances

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Let me start by saying that I am so priviledged to be back hanging out with high school students because I come away so blessed and challenged EVERY time. Our theme this year is "Amazing Race" and to begin, we are taking inventory on where we at in our race; going up a hill? at a water stand? bending over to tie our shoe for the 10th time because we are lazy and don't want to push through a side ache?

Our theme verse of this year is Hebrews 12:1-2 and tonight we honed in on the verses about the sin that so easily entangles us, slowing us down on our race to the prize. It is like we carry sin around like bricks on our backs, weighing us down and keeping us from running hard.

Laura had actually taken a stack of bricks, written different sins on them: envy, lust, lying, rage, cheating. etc. & asked a student to pack his backpack with the bricks that he believes he is carrying as we all thought about what our bricks are. I was so struck by the simple picture when he then unpacked his bag and laid those bricks at the foot of the cross, lightening his load and allowing him to freely live. How come I want to pick those bricks back up and carry them when I can leave them there?

This week caused me a lot of self reflection after realizing that alot of the process through this time of transition for Ryan and I has been going on in my head and not in community. I hurt a dear friend by my lack of transparency this week and by trying to manage my load on my own. In realizing it, I practiced alot of unloading of the backpack daily this week, sometimes over the SAME issues of envy, control, gossip, but truly trusting that I cannot carry them on my own. None of us can.
What are your bricks? Give them to the cross and together lets be amazed at the journey He takes us on.

Psalm 119:32
I run the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free

dear joy

dear joy,
please come easily today. I am praying for you to remind me of all the blessings in my life and for me to see the big picture of what God is doing in my everyday life.
amen.
me

You might have noticed the new layout (again)...sorry, I just can't help myself. And the new pic is the professional one taken a few months ago for work which displays how I look about 25% of the time. The rest of the time is like today when I am comfortable and in layers. The above prayer is a reflection of my prayer for today for each and every one of us. I was encouraged after spending some time yesterday checking out this site:

a group of women coming together to encourage one another in their walks and in their faith. sounds like something beautiful to me.

To Ponder...Where do we hang our troubles?

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all of your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

birds

Sometimes I think about time in essence of weeks. But more and more lately I find myself challenged to only think about the day in front of me. Because really, no matter what intentions or plans I have, today matters and the rest will take care of itself.

I love what it says in Matthew 6, that the birds of the air and the lilies will be cared for so we shouldn’t worry. I don’t see the little blue jays and hummingbirds, the tulips and the roses craning their necks so to speak, crying out for their food and their sunlight. They know it will come and it does.

This week has been really good living this way, trying my hardest to start my day reading my Bible which was a 2 for 4 effort in the past few days. I found myself challenged to pray instead of worry after facing head on the reality of my continued desire for control in my life and the lives of those I love.

I will say, the last few months in this transition have been harder than I imagined, bringing adjustments and changing of roles that have thrown me for a few curves. But I want to fight to have a prayerful heart because if I am honest, worry and control come a lot easier.

Praying with this heart for my dear friend who just delivered her first baby and is waiting for the results of some tests today on his heart. Praying with this heart for my own attitude towards all of the transition going on in our life; the need for me to work hard in this season to support Ryan as a student and that my response would be gladness rather than burden. Asking for reminders that if the birds are ok, I will be too.

I'm thinking about friends this morning as I catch up on other's writings and realizing how many spheres of people I love are out there. It feels like a chart of circles, one that has many circles that cross over one another, a venn diagram I believe it is called. Except instead of 3 layers it has multiple layers and with depth and thicker strands at many points. Which has always felt like a gift to me but lately has overwhelmed me at times. Not knowing where to focus my energy and give my heart.

I was reminded recently that because we are created in the Image of a triune God, community is something that is inherent in us. There is community in the Godhead, so there is a longing for community in me. So I am going to keep digging in, pushing through my questions about where I fit and where I should serve and how deeply I want to love. Because I think it is pushing me to love God more and ask Him how to be transparent and abandon my sometimes pursuit through life as Little Miss Independent.

still wanting to hear from more of you on your insight on women's friendships...see the post below for details and lay it all out there!