heavy-hearted and hopeful

Sometimes life comes at you in ways you don't expect and leaves you with multiple layers of emotion to process. This week has been one of those as the title of this post indicates. The last two days have been heavy-hearted in many senses as we lost a member of our extended family unexpectedly at the young age of 43. I don't think loss is EVER easy but it grief always feels deeper to me when it is mixed with elements of shock and tragedy.

Combine that with our plan to show the house today, about which I am hopeful, and you have a concoction of mixed emotion. All I can say is that I am thankful for Ryan's steadiness, a family that is coming together, God's word and deep breaths. And for timing, I can't forget to mention that thought because if all of this would have happened a year ago with the house, the joyful arrival of this little baby and life mixed in, I think it would have been a whole lot harder.

I have also been thinking a bit and have been asked by a few close friends about how I am feeling about potentially leaving this house that I love very soon. Maybe it will hit me harder than it has when the time actually comes and there are more sleepless nights mixed in but for now, I truly just know I have to take this one day at a time. I think the words that come to mind are "exchanges" and "better things". Let me explain. I am learning that it means more than a house could to have unity in our marriage with what we know God is doing. That the exchange of living here in order to live closer to the place that Ryan will spend 8-10 hours a day so we can have him around more is a worthy one.

I do LOVE this house, what it means to us, how it expresses us but somehow even having Christy take pictures here last week made me feel like it will be preserved in my mind and heart, that the season spent here will always be special to me. I can also say that continuing to read through the Old Testament (slowly but surely) has been a really big reminder to me of God's faithfulness towards His people then and now. Holding on to that today as this is the view outside my window: