But somehow writing forces me to be honest. And to be honest, there wasn't a whole lot I wanted to write about for the better part of the week because I didn't like my attitude and couldn't see around it. It snuck up on me in the beginnings of my favorite season, when leaves become crunchy and hoodies abound- how dare it?
But that is the way struggle and envy work, I think that they sneak in quietly and then before we know it, we feel a bit entangled. I started to lacking joy because I was seeing life through jealous eyes. I had to go back to what I know works- sharing my emotions with others, asking for prayer and constantly repeating through my head this Proverb:
" a heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones". Proverbs 14:30
I won't get into specifics but this is something that I know I feed at times and fight at others and I want to get better at fighting it. Or better yet ask God to help me fight it by seeing the blessings in front of me and taking the attention off of myself. I was talking about it with two friends last night and we wondered aloud if we might be experiencing this at 80 years old. Envying the way our friends hips still move or if they can get around in their walkers better than we can. That made it better, giving us something to giggle about but at the heart of it, I hope we aren't still stuck as women in comparing ourselves for value.
I have to believe somewhere along the way we make the decision to daily find our value in deeper things and not what we can do or be. Praying for the strength to have that maturity sooner rather than later in my life. I have no idea what God is calling me to in the future but I do know that I would be sad to look back and see that insecurity kept me from hearing or acting on His call. Thanks for letting this be a place where I can be honest. I hope that you are encouraged today knowing you are not alone and reminded of the truth that you are beautiful just as you are.
inspirational reminder at the top from this etsy shop
Rebekah- beautifully written. I so appreciate your honesty and the pursuit you are in of contentment, and the concept of how really knowing who God is and who you are before Him are so intertwined. Love reading your thoughts, appreciate being encouraged and challenged by your sweet spirit. Keep pressing into Him!
ReplyDeleteI just wish we lived so much closer. I need more Christ centered friends in my life... I'm glad you get to bless and challenge me through your blog. Thanks girl.
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