dear joy

dear joy,
please come easily today. I am praying for you to remind me of all the blessings in my life and for me to see the big picture of what God is doing in my everyday life.
amen.
me

You might have noticed the new layout (again)...sorry, I just can't help myself. And the new pic is the professional one taken a few months ago for work which displays how I look about 25% of the time. The rest of the time is like today when I am comfortable and in layers. The above prayer is a reflection of my prayer for today for each and every one of us. I was encouraged after spending some time yesterday checking out this site:

a group of women coming together to encourage one another in their walks and in their faith. sounds like something beautiful to me.

what stands

life feels really full right now emotionally. If my emotions were a balloon, filling a little each time I felt, this week I would feel like I may burst. air in. air out. so much joy and sorrow crammed into a few short weeks of processing or maybe even just days. Although something wonderful happens with joyful news or events; they allow us to breathe out a little, letting some go of some of the pressure.

Within the past 36 hours, Ryan's grandpa was moved to a long term care facility, the I was astonished at how old and tiny my grandma looked after her knee surgery, and I witnessed the grief that came with the loss of the mom of my dear friend. Air into the balloon. I have also witnessed the joy of this same family as they celebrated the fact that this woman they love is now walking so closely with her Lord. And the exciting news this morning that a close friend who went through a deeply painful divorce 5 years ago is now engaged to wonderful guy who loves her and her girls. it feels redemptive of her journey. air out of the balloon.

Through it all, I have been drawn back to the words in Isaiah 40:
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the word of our God stands forever."

we're 10 days in...

Remember my plan to cook meals? Well we are 10 days in and loving it! It has ranged from everything between enchiladas and spaghetti to broccoli quiche. The next step for me will be learning to make small dishes so we are not stuck eating the same thing for the next 3 days. Which negates the need to make a meal every night but Ry isn't too big on leftovers. If it were just me, I could potentially eat something I like for 5 days straight, which I do when I make chili.
Yesterday it was the quiche and I made it up in the morning while I was hanging around the house, getting ready for the big Easter Sunday dinner at our house. My family is finally releasing the matriarchal reign of control to me for one small afternoon...however they insisted on each bringing a dish still. baby steps. baby steps. Anyways, back to the quiche:

Forgive the wooden spoons hanging out in my crust; there were things that I wanted in one half of the dish that I didn't want in the others and this was the best rigged solution I could come up with. I am sure that Pampered Chef has something specifically for this but it seemed to work just fine and I pulled them out in the last 10 minutes so the top would seal.

I decided to invite my friend Stacie over to enjoy it for lunch with me and realized another side benefit of this meal thing is that it creates community. Maybe that is why there are so many places in the Bible where people fellowshiped with feasts. Makes sense to me! However, I still love the community that somehow takes place over Panera Bread, Starbucks or Olive Garden so I am hoping for a date night tonight!

processing life

I'm tired. And this is my own doing of course because every night I stay up too late and every morning I get up too early. Even as I write it is after midnight and my running friend is going to be waiting on my steps at 6 sharp. I need to turn my internal dial back a few hours so that it works out just right but I can't stay away from late nights!! And then, there I am in the morning groggily reaching for the coffee grinder and hating how that feels to NEED it rather than choose the coffee.
Lately I have been thinking alot about growing old. And how tiring that must be every day to get up, feel achy getting out of bed, to not be able to just go out for a morning jog and guzzle a cup of coffee while simaltaneously drying your hair & eating breakfast. It has come up alot between Ryan and I in life conversations lately as we see others around us growing old. and growing older by the moment.
To clarify, I am not referring to the moments of adulthood when our dinner conversations turn to property tax and the market and I feel OLD. I am speaking of the grandfather who has been more like a parent with Alzheimers, the ever optomistic grandmother with a broken ankle who is struggling with deep sadness, the great aunt who hasn't been out of her house for 2 weeks straight and is used to gardening everyday. These are all realities for our close relatives right now and Ryan and I are at moments facing our grief head on and in other moments living in denial and fear.
I am not as terrfied of loss as I used to be but still fearful of what this future loss will feel like. We have found ourselves talking about it this week after watching the movie "The Savages" this past Saturday. It is the story of two adult children who grew up taking care of themselves due to an absent mother and an alcoholic father. Their father becomes very sick late in life and they are forced to decide what kind of care is best for him. It made very real the turmoil of making decisions about others lives and well-being, which led us to be real about the potential decisions facing our own parents.
Our conclusion, which presented itself unknowingly 5 days later over the course of a date night tonight was to ENJOY EVERY MINUTE with the people you love. Make the effort to make a phone call, to visit, to write a card, to have a conversation, whatever it is, don't hold anything back.
I think that applies to so many of my relationships and how I approach my life. I don't want to hold anything back, have any regrets, wish I would have called. I want to know I have loved those in my life as fully as I possibly could.

Happy Birthday little brother

A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity,
the only person with the keys to one's unfettered,
more fundamental self. ~Marian Sandmaier


What is most exciting about E's birthday every year is that it is his spiritual birthday as well so welcome to year 3 of your faith. May it prove to be as fruitful and filled with God's blessing for you.

I tell Erich's story of being saved and baptized often because I have never seen the transforming power in someone's life so cleary. Redemption's story lived out through life experiences, decisions and ulitmately leading to the cross when there was no where else to go.

The summer after I moved home from TU I was living across the hall from E for the last few months before marrying Ryan. A series of decisions and trouble led to a weekend of examining life and really facing a fork in the road. Our little brother Austin, who was 8 at the time was being baptized that weekend on Erich's 20th birthday. During the service, the pastor gave an open invitation to anyone who wanted to be baptized. Erich grabbed my hand and we RAN up to the stage where he declared that today was his 20th birthday but he wanted it to be his first birthday in Christ. He was baptized then and there in a large tub on stage and I got to be in the water with him.

How amazing that day was but even more the steps that have been taken as a result. There is now in place of that boy a man who has an awesome group of Chrisitan friends, serves with high school guys as a small group leader & is walking into a bright future. You are loved Erich!