not just writing about vacationing, getting ready to do it. And anticipating with high expectations the wonder of a week. A whole week away from computers and noise and my own structured and planny everyday self. A whole week with Ryan where he has no client situations to solve and sleep to lose. The thought of a week without his blackberry which graduated into an Iphone mystifies me and I can't wait. I have to give him so much credit though becaue even in those times, he always gave me his time and attention when we went away together.
looking forward to renting bikes and lots of long walks on trails, the simple life. the wonder of a week is about to begin. Now if only my laundry would do itself and my house clean itself tonight. goodbye computer until August, goodbye.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
sacred space
Do you ever feel like there are windows of time that stand apart, amidst emails and phone calls and meetings and coffee dates and morning runs and oh yeah, sleep? Sorry for the run on sentence but that is how full I have packed this week pre-vaca. I knew it would be that way this week and was/continue to look forward to the rest of the week. I love multi-tasking and days that feel chaotic but more and more I am less and less enthralled by the multiple emotions that I try to balance amidst it all.
The spring was characterized by grief juxtaposed with a renewal of life both in my personal faith and my marriage. And now we are into the season of summer, with more than a change of weather, with me pursuing a creative outlet and changing the life flow a bit again. It is almost like I had that window of time, that sacred space this spring to be recharged, renewed, and ready to jump in with both feet to this next season. Sometimes in weeks like these I need to remind myself of sacred spaces and maintain the practice of keeping them during busier seasons. It can be a music-free car ride, evening walks with Ryan no matter how late I get home, and prayer (most important, easiest to stop doing).
Looking forward to a sacred space tonight that has been one of the most important of this season, my very last Esther group. Rochelle & I joined this group the week after she lost Kaden and there have been so many blessings that have come out of these Wednesday nights so I am mourning a bit that it is coming to an end. Looking for sacred spaces where I can find them today.
The spring was characterized by grief juxtaposed with a renewal of life both in my personal faith and my marriage. And now we are into the season of summer, with more than a change of weather, with me pursuing a creative outlet and changing the life flow a bit again. It is almost like I had that window of time, that sacred space this spring to be recharged, renewed, and ready to jump in with both feet to this next season. Sometimes in weeks like these I need to remind myself of sacred spaces and maintain the practice of keeping them during busier seasons. It can be a music-free car ride, evening walks with Ryan no matter how late I get home, and prayer (most important, easiest to stop doing).
Looking forward to a sacred space tonight that has been one of the most important of this season, my very last Esther group. Rochelle & I joined this group the week after she lost Kaden and there have been so many blessings that have come out of these Wednesday nights so I am mourning a bit that it is coming to an end. Looking for sacred spaces where I can find them today.
Monday, July 20, 2009
he is a darling
and I quote, the words from my husband's mouth about our dog as the three of us lay side by side on the bed. and while I type, he is checking the weather for next week's vacation. what a little trio we are. days are full this week but knowing I will be sitting poolside and taking daily walks on wooded trails validate the chaos of the next few days.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
dressing in layers
As I got dressed tonight to head out to the campgrounds that my family is staying at this week, I pulled on my current favorite jeans and a fitted brown tee. I decided the t-shirt just wasn't laying right so I layered it up with a tank over top that I always feel good in. It gives and hugs and lays just the way it is supposed to, covering the things I want covered and giving attention to the good stuff.
The funny thing about layering is that it doesn't change what is underneath, it just changes what others perceive or see. I think it is this way with the transparency of our lives as well. I was reminded this week in two separate conversations with friends that I easily place layers on the areas of my life that I am unsure about or working through, in the same way I wear certain clothes when I am in disagreement with my body. It's like I don't even realize, I just dress myself in a way that the things that are in process are covered up and made presentable and keep going on my merry way.
I don't want to be someone who is less than transparent in relationship, who doesn't have to make sure that every hair is in place and my shirt tucked in, so to speak. I want to be able to emotionally have my socks not match and my shirt need ironing, to let myself be seen in the process. And I think the end result would not be that it would all look and fit perfectly into a neat little package, but that I would allow myself to be transformed less into who I want to be underneath and more who Christ gave Himself up for me to be. Because of that we can be radiant, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing and I'm telling you, I would rather wear this than any layered look I can come up with.
The funny thing about layering is that it doesn't change what is underneath, it just changes what others perceive or see. I think it is this way with the transparency of our lives as well. I was reminded this week in two separate conversations with friends that I easily place layers on the areas of my life that I am unsure about or working through, in the same way I wear certain clothes when I am in disagreement with my body. It's like I don't even realize, I just dress myself in a way that the things that are in process are covered up and made presentable and keep going on my merry way.
I don't want to be someone who is less than transparent in relationship, who doesn't have to make sure that every hair is in place and my shirt tucked in, so to speak. I want to be able to emotionally have my socks not match and my shirt need ironing, to let myself be seen in the process. And I think the end result would not be that it would all look and fit perfectly into a neat little package, but that I would allow myself to be transformed less into who I want to be underneath and more who Christ gave Himself up for me to be. Because of that we can be radiant, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing and I'm telling you, I would rather wear this than any layered look I can come up with.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
part of my heart is in Florida this week
Last year at this time, I was waking up at 7 am, packing a cooler (multiple coolers) for the day and loading 30 kids into big white vans for service projects, double checking for sunscreen and bug spray and inhalers. Giving hugs and braiding hair, breaking up conflicts over who gets to be in charge of the radio and patroling for immodest clothing. And this week, each morning I think about that week in Jacksonville with the youth group and my heart mourns a bit that I am here and not there as they returned for a missions trip this week.
I love those kids and want them so badly to know that Jesus loves them too. Taking a year off from formal youth ministry has been a time for me to refresh, to get my cup refilled, all of those things. But when I think about weeks like Jacksonville and Bilouxi 2 summers ago, those weeks gave me more life and joy than many other weeks in my life have. They filled my cup to the brim with laughter and joy and somehow forced me to be my best self, knowing that how I live makes a difference to these kids. So thanks God for the fullness of loving these kids and give me wisdom to know when it's time to jump back in.
I love those kids and want them so badly to know that Jesus loves them too. Taking a year off from formal youth ministry has been a time for me to refresh, to get my cup refilled, all of those things. But when I think about weeks like Jacksonville and Bilouxi 2 summers ago, those weeks gave me more life and joy than many other weeks in my life have. They filled my cup to the brim with laughter and joy and somehow forced me to be my best self, knowing that how I live makes a difference to these kids. So thanks God for the fullness of loving these kids and give me wisdom to know when it's time to jump back in.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
some small town love
On days like this I just love living in a small town and am so contended to live here forever and ever and ever. I started the day with a brisk walk around the neighborhood early this morning, before coffee pots are started and people start shuffling around in their slippers. And I always feel like I have a great little secret world to myself when the streets are empty and quiet.
Tonight I walked around a few blocks with a friend and was reminded of how much of a detail person I am. I listened and talked but my mind's eye notices the new little flower beds planted, the new porch swings and the houses being rehabbed that are beginning to take shape. Maybe it isn't normal to have favorite houses, several in fact, in your own neighborhood but I love the character and charm of so many of these homes. So today, I am small town happy. As we like to say around here, I am "feelin the zeel".
Monday, July 13, 2009
weekend update
We had the most wonderful relaxing weekend that we have had in a long time and I am so thankful we were home so much of it. I have been feeling like we are always gone somewhere, doing something and miss out on those nights where we just make plans on the fly. Like Friday night, when we went to see BrieAnna play at Mocha & Music with Christina and ended up with a group under the stars at New Holland.
Saturday night proved to be much of the same when Justin & Jamie called us around 7ish to meet them at the Brewery...2 nights in a row was perfect. They brought their new little girl, who definitely takes the cake for being my favorite little one right now. Who says you can't mix babies and breweries? They are the most laid back parents and I can honestly say that they are the same Justin & Jamie as always. We didn't get a picture of the 4 of us but Jamie was kind enough to snap some pics of Alexis with us :)
what a sweetie, she was so chill the whole night, almost like she knew that was what you do at New Holland, just relax!
As for Sunday, after church we vegged ALL afternoon, didn't go anywhere or do anything beyond a walk down to the Post Office & a nap on the couch with the sun pouring in. At night we had our long awaited small group cookout on Dana & Randy's back porch and since everyone has been gone on vacations and doing summertime things, there was much catching up to be done. Hard to believe that we have been together for close to 2 years as a group and a new couple will be joining us this fall who just celebrated their first anniversary which I think will add alot of life to the group.
ended the night with choosing this new layout from Shabby Blogs since I didn't win any of the contests I entered. I figure, if you can't beat em, join em. Let me know what you think!
Saturday night proved to be much of the same when Justin & Jamie called us around 7ish to meet them at the Brewery...2 nights in a row was perfect. They brought their new little girl, who definitely takes the cake for being my favorite little one right now. Who says you can't mix babies and breweries? They are the most laid back parents and I can honestly say that they are the same Justin & Jamie as always. We didn't get a picture of the 4 of us but Jamie was kind enough to snap some pics of Alexis with us :)
what a sweetie, she was so chill the whole night, almost like she knew that was what you do at New Holland, just relax! As for Sunday, after church we vegged ALL afternoon, didn't go anywhere or do anything beyond a walk down to the Post Office & a nap on the couch with the sun pouring in. At night we had our long awaited small group cookout on Dana & Randy's back porch and since everyone has been gone on vacations and doing summertime things, there was much catching up to be done. Hard to believe that we have been together for close to 2 years as a group and a new couple will be joining us this fall who just celebrated their first anniversary which I think will add alot of life to the group.
ended the night with choosing this new layout from Shabby Blogs since I didn't win any of the contests I entered. I figure, if you can't beat em, join em. Let me know what you think!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
quick pic
much too nice to be inside today so I thought I would just share a pic of all of us kids from a few weeks ago...
the gangs all here (me, Ryan, Allison, Erich & Austin, June 2009).
Get's me excited for more family times like vacation coming up in less than 2 weeks!! Already thinking about renting bikes and early morning walks only to nap poolside in the afternoon.
the gangs all here (me, Ryan, Allison, Erich & Austin, June 2009).
Get's me excited for more family times like vacation coming up in less than 2 weeks!! Already thinking about renting bikes and early morning walks only to nap poolside in the afternoon.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Life in Fours
For Ryan, on our 4 year wedding anniversary.
When you are 6 years old, 4 years until the age of 10 seems like ETERNITY and there are so many things you are old enough, or tall enough, to do. Then you get to high school and those 4 years are jammed packed with bff’s and learning to drive, varsity sports and prom, and in the last of those 4 years, the biggest decision you have made until that point of where you will spend the next 4. College begins and 4 years of growing in new ways, with new friends and life in a whole different context.
Life seems to come in nice little packages of 4 until you are in your twenties giving a framework and a timeline of sorts for how and when decisions should be made. Then life’s gates fling themselves wide open into an expansive set of 70-80 years. A new perspective that is both freeing and paralyzing at times, not knowing what timeline should be set and sometimes missing the structure of the 4.
As I sit here on our 4 year wedding anniversary, I am struck by so many things that have happened in these 1,460 days and how thankful I am that this season of life isn’t set into a 4 year timeline. I love walking through life side by side as best friends and want to enjoy the next moment, days, and years together, open to whatever length the different seasons we encounter may be.
When you are 6 years old, 4 years until the age of 10 seems like ETERNITY and there are so many things you are old enough, or tall enough, to do. Then you get to high school and those 4 years are jammed packed with bff’s and learning to drive, varsity sports and prom, and in the last of those 4 years, the biggest decision you have made until that point of where you will spend the next 4. College begins and 4 years of growing in new ways, with new friends and life in a whole different context.
Life seems to come in nice little packages of 4 until you are in your twenties giving a framework and a timeline of sorts for how and when decisions should be made. Then life’s gates fling themselves wide open into an expansive set of 70-80 years. A new perspective that is both freeing and paralyzing at times, not knowing what timeline should be set and sometimes missing the structure of the 4.
As I sit here on our 4 year wedding anniversary, I am struck by so many things that have happened in these 1,460 days and how thankful I am that this season of life isn’t set into a 4 year timeline. I love walking through life side by side as best friends and want to enjoy the next moment, days, and years together, open to whatever length the different seasons we encounter may be.
Monday, July 6, 2009
celebrating early
if you are anything like me, you like surprises and you like celebrations. beautiful combination. And if I am the one planning the surprise, I half hope that the little details will spill out because I just want to share the fun plans. That was kind of the case for our Friday (the 3rd). It was a day together, with no real big plans but I had about 50 options in my mind to celebrate a combo of Ryan's retirement & our 4th anniversary which is the 8th of July.
Thought about kayaks, about renting scooters, or even Segways due to the recent OBSESSION with Arrested Development inspired by the character Gob (pronounced Job). All my excitement aside, I truly wanted it to be a day for Ryan to enjoy so I told him my long list of ideas and he had a novel suggestion.
How about just seeing where the day takes us? Hmm. Never thought of that. First stop: Downtown Zeeland!
We brought Toby with us for a walk and thought we were going to hit up the Mainstreet Sidewalk sales...come to find out they are NEXT Friday. But that didn't keep us from checkin out the new candy store that just opened.
my cute hubby even knew what I wanted without asking, gummy goodness. worms to be exact and I will spare you the picture where I shared one with Tobs.
From there we headed down to Fenn Valley winery upon his suggestion and enjoyed a bottle of white wine and a lunch of crackers, summer sausage & cheese, which I think Ry could live on. We sat out in the sun and enjoyed the scene as well as great conversation and then onto Saugatuck for some Kilwins of course & lots of people (and dog) watching. We ended the night with a yummy BLT pizza from Jets that we got take out so we could spend the rest of the night lounging at home. So glad I "ruined' the surprise because Ryan always has such great ideas for our days together.
The rest of the holiday weekend was ALOT of fun and truly started Thursday night with the Mat Kearney concert with Den & Em...she blogged about our adventures so I will let her do the honors on that one. I loved the show and the late summer night with good friends. We spent the 4th with the Wallace fam up at the cottage for our annual get together and my only wish there was for more SUNSHINE but the fireworks, company & 8 hour bean bag toss competition was more than enough to make me happy!
Thought about kayaks, about renting scooters, or even Segways due to the recent OBSESSION with Arrested Development inspired by the character Gob (pronounced Job). All my excitement aside, I truly wanted it to be a day for Ryan to enjoy so I told him my long list of ideas and he had a novel suggestion.
How about just seeing where the day takes us? Hmm. Never thought of that. First stop: Downtown Zeeland!
We brought Toby with us for a walk and thought we were going to hit up the Mainstreet Sidewalk sales...come to find out they are NEXT Friday. But that didn't keep us from checkin out the new candy store that just opened.
my cute hubby even knew what I wanted without asking, gummy goodness. worms to be exact and I will spare you the picture where I shared one with Tobs.
From there we headed down to Fenn Valley winery upon his suggestion and enjoyed a bottle of white wine and a lunch of crackers, summer sausage & cheese, which I think Ry could live on. We sat out in the sun and enjoyed the scene as well as great conversation and then onto Saugatuck for some Kilwins of course & lots of people (and dog) watching. We ended the night with a yummy BLT pizza from Jets that we got take out so we could spend the rest of the night lounging at home. So glad I "ruined' the surprise because Ryan always has such great ideas for our days together.
The rest of the holiday weekend was ALOT of fun and truly started Thursday night with the Mat Kearney concert with Den & Em...she blogged about our adventures so I will let her do the honors on that one. I loved the show and the late summer night with good friends. We spent the 4th with the Wallace fam up at the cottage for our annual get together and my only wish there was for more SUNSHINE but the fireworks, company & 8 hour bean bag toss competition was more than enough to make me happy!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
worship
no words to post tonight, I will write when it is over and there is no more sunshine to be enjoyed. We sang this song this morning and it always moves me to ask myself what I am really committing to if I give my life. That means MY desires, MY motives, MY decision making, MY finances, all of it. Makes it a little harder to sing but I love the truth that it comminicates, that it is all for THEE. I'm just a steward anyways. Be blessed by the version of this hymn by Chris Tomlin:
Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.
::Chorus::
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
x3
(Take my life, Lord take my life. Take all of me)
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.
::Chorus::
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
x3
(Take my life, Lord take my life. Take all of me)
Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
sweet cheeky designs
I love it when I stumble upon freebies and giveaways & recently discovered this blog. It is my own little way for making up for my lack of effort and skill in coupon cutting, trying to win stuff for free!
In honor of her first year, the designer @ Sweet Cheeky Designs is giving away 2 free blogs. And I would love if one was yours, and one was mine
All you have to do to enter is go to her page before July 9th & either start following or leave a comment! Good luck to you...and to me...
In honor of her first year, the designer @ Sweet Cheeky Designs is giving away 2 free blogs. And I would love if one was yours, and one was mine
All you have to do to enter is go to her page before July 9th & either start following or leave a comment! Good luck to you...and to me...
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
a new season
I was reminded yesterday that some things that I think of as "long term" seasons or transitions really are only "short term". It is the end, for now, of Ryan's life as an entrepreneur and really feels like the end of an era as July 1 marks the sale of his business and the catapult into this new season of being a full time student.
Hard to believe that 4 years ago, he and Jeremy started Stability One , just 3 weeks after we returned from our honeymoon. And as proud as I am of him for what he accomplished in those 4 years, seeing him pursue what he knows he is called to means more than any company earnings or success ever could. And I am thankful to know he feels the same way.
I imagined there to be a sense of mourning when this day came, as a piece of life that has been part of our marriage and identity for 4 years has come to an end. But it feels less like we are breaking something off and more like we are phasing into something new, that is the right fit for this time. It feels like freedom; freedom from insane work weeks and freedom from the pull for Ryan between work and school. Now those 2 words are one and the same for him, school is work. Ready to walk this journey ahead and excited to see what it brings!
Hard to believe that 4 years ago, he and Jeremy started Stability One , just 3 weeks after we returned from our honeymoon. And as proud as I am of him for what he accomplished in those 4 years, seeing him pursue what he knows he is called to means more than any company earnings or success ever could. And I am thankful to know he feels the same way.
I imagined there to be a sense of mourning when this day came, as a piece of life that has been part of our marriage and identity for 4 years has come to an end. But it feels less like we are breaking something off and more like we are phasing into something new, that is the right fit for this time. It feels like freedom; freedom from insane work weeks and freedom from the pull for Ryan between work and school. Now those 2 words are one and the same for him, school is work. Ready to walk this journey ahead and excited to see what it brings!
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