what I'm learning

The past week has been one of the more emotional ones thus far in my pregnancy. It's like the hormone switch got cranked up a notch and I am reminding myself that this is all normal and part of the journey. Normal or not, I have to admit, I am more comfortable when I feel in control.

Which leads me to what I am learning. It is not easy to have a house for sale and be in transition when your body and life are progressing towards something you haven't experienced before. However, I am finding that the joy of having your husband as your best friend to walk it with and a few close friends who really get you make it ok. I'm learning that everything doesn't have to be perfect or designer or 100% how I want it to be a loving and Godly mom.

I could have said that before and believed it but I feel like I am really learning it in these last days as my desire to have everything in place increases. It doesn't mean I have full control of these crazy emotions or that I don't face fear but I really want to hold to the excitement of this time rather than any worry that might rise up in me.

Hearing the joyful news of Molly's little boy yesterday put a lot back in to perspective for me. I think first of all, realizing how closely she and I have been walking together in this journey and now here she is a momma which means I am soon to follow. But more importantly, how loved and cherished that little one already is. Not because of anything that has been prepared but because of the love that a little baby brings the moment they come in to the world. So even though I don't have everything in our house set up the way I thought it would be with the "perfect space" prepared, I am learning that the love we have ready for this baby will be all it really needs.

a few more favorites

I keep looking at our pictures and feeling happy knowing that this time was captured so perfectly, in this house, and with images that reflect where we are right now. I can't say enough about Christy's kindness in blessing us by giving these pictures as a gift to welcome the next chapter in our life.


I love these next two because they capture our personalities when we are just at home goofing around with each other. Maybe it is because we don't have a tv or are just silly but it did seem pretty natural to just play with our two little wooden sheep that we got in Israel. On a more sentimental note, these little sheep are special to us because they are made from olive wood and were purchased in Bethlehem. They sit on our dresser and serve as a reminder to be faithful in walking the path God is calling us to.

photo shoot preview!

We had our pictures with Christy on Thursday and it was so much fun to be part of her creative style for a few hours. I really felt like she allowed us to represent ourselves with the pics, from shooting most of them to in our home, to including Toby, oranges (my numero uno craving) and things that are just "us" like commentaries (Ryan). She must know how much her clients can't wait to see their pics because she already posted four of them last night. I am headed later this morning to pick up the rest of the images that she is giving us as a sweet gift & can't wait to share a few more faves!

cottage life

This weekend was an unexpected getaway for Ryan and I and we spent the whole weekend at my grandparent's cottage, just the two of us and Toby of course. We did nothing more than take naps, read, talk and eat good food. It is a MUST to have a bowl of ice cream every night around 9:45 at the cottage...We haven't had any time with Ryan's school schedule and such to do that since Israel and it makes such a difference to just breathe deeply for a few days.

I didn't even take any pictures intentionally so that we would just enjoy the slow life and that we successfully did. Our one outing included a trip to the local small town theater to see this movie:

and oh my goodness, the cast was amazing.

I loved the depth of the plot and would encourage you to check it out yourself. Leonardo has really flourished as an actor, in my humble opinion, since the original days of Titanic. Not that I saw it 3 times in the theater or memorized many lines from it in high school or anything. Regardless, it was a talented bunch and a great thrill from beginning to end.

I also realized this weekend that my fast food snobbery is turning around thanks to McDonald's new smoothies and the good ole snack wraps. Not sure this is something to be proud of but more of a confession that you can't knock it till you try it...

And last but not least...a giveaway winner!! Happy that after all of her entries in past giveaways, Bethany will now be rocking this flower in her hair, on her summertime bag or wherever she pleases:

ezer kenegdo: existing in the tension

I always knew I wanted to marry Ryan when he challenged me. I still remember reading the engagement card Bethany gave me and how she noted the way we challenged one another. It always made me feel loved to know that someone cared enough to tell me the truth and Allison told me that is how she knew Ryan was the one for me.

That tension exists still today in our marriage and something we learned in Israel has really stuck with me. We talked about how deep and healthy relationships have ezer kenegdo. Imagine 2 people walking face to face with their palms pressed up against one another and leaning into one another with their full weight. It's like walking a tight rope as a pair, there has to be tension moving you forward. Ezer (the deep love and commitment part) and kenegdo (pushing one another forward)--otherwise translated as "helper", explains this tension.

Our marriage will always have this hard pull in it. We are so different from one another in almost every possible way but it is the commitment we have to one another and the tension that it creates which forces us to discuss, debate, and ultimately move forward. So bless God for ezer kenegdo because it is forcing me to love and to change.

I had a million dollars

I'd give gifts.

A stark realization this weekend...I think my love language and the love language I express towards others may vary....all you experts out there, is this even possible?!

I really feel so loved when someone does something kind for me (acts of service) yet I really enjoy giving gifts to those I love. You can take a quiz here if you want to know more about your love language.

On a deeper love, part of why I love giving gifts is that they mark celebrations. I have lots of projects in the work right now for Mother's Day gifts (to be given @ Easter because we will be gone over Mother's Day), baby gifts-- one for my friend Sarah who delivered her second daughter Avery this morning, and this past weekend it was a little housewarming gift for these two as they begin life in their beautiful new home in Chicago:


What celebration would be complete with a trip to Target, late night ice cream and a movie, worshipping together...and last but not least, a delicious brunch at Glenn's Diner?


Celebrate what you want to see more of. --Thomas J. Peters

pendant love

I loved reading all of your Valentine's memories and connected with so many of you on how dearly your Mom loved you and made the day special as well as dad-daughter events and special memories with friends and boyfriends.

In the end, I pulled my own Valentine in and had him read each of your stories, unbiased and really not too sappy for "love-day". And despite his bent toward resisting "Hallmark" holiday moments, he really liked many of them but Molly- your's took the cake. Here is what she said:

My favorite V-Day memory is probably when I was in Cairo with YWAM, and the boys on our team decided that the girls needed to feel loved while we were all so far from home. They arranged a special dinner for us at a restaurant on a riverboat on the Nile, and had flowers and Valentine's waiting for everyone when we arrived. Then, they wrote and played us a song all about being God's beloved--still makes us all smile, four years after the fact. It was amazing, that a few young guys could bless us in a completely platonic and friendly way--and that they would have the insight to focus on and remind us of God's love for us on such a romantic kind of day.



Molly choose the feather baby pendant from Inspired Pendants and I think she will love it. I want to encourage the rest of us to shop around their site as a portion of their proceeds during the 1st week of March are going to their church missions trip to Brazil.

Speaking of love, I need to spend some time this week resting in God's love and am going to take a little break from writing here in order to write in my journal and Bible for the next 7 days. resting in the truth of His Love.

Psalm 90:14
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

in honor of my hubby...Happy 27th B-day Ryan!

all I can say after spending 9 days straight with this guy is that I like him more than ever. He is probably going to be a little embarrassed about the pic but I just couldn't resist.

I could make the most sincere list of the top 27 things I love most about him on his 27th birthday but the things about the past year that shine through are his ever increasing passion for God & the way that he loves me. That's it, 2 things, but to me they make me so thankful to celebrate another year with him and look forward to what being 27 brings.

26 things you were dying to know.

I have been kind of missing my hubby this week since our date night. Between me not feeling too hot and all of life going on, that date feels like alot longer ago than last Wednesday. So here I am, thinking about him :) Enjoy!

1.Who is your man? Ryan Scott Wallace
2. How long have you been together? 8 1/2 years total, 4 1/2 married.
3. How long dated? 4 years
4. How old is your man? 26
5. Who eats more? Probably me, I try to do the 3 meals plus snacks thing...he forgets lunch sometimes
6. Who said "I love you" first? He did but I think we knew in our hearts the same summer...I was just scared to say it
7. Who is taller? Ryan by a handful of inches
8. Who sings better? Ryan is actually a really good singer, he has a wide range and I love singing next to him in church cause it covers up me. I'm not bad but I'm not good either.
9. Who is smarter? We got the same grades in high school but I had to work harder at them than he did. Plus now he is kicking my tail with his college grades! Although he doesn't have Handy Andy and a floor of 40 friends to distract him.
10. Whose temper is worse? Hm. Mine is quicker to flare and it takes alot for him to get angry but I think his anger is deeper when he is mad.
11. Who does the laundry? I do because I think it is therapeutic and am super particular with lots of pieces of clothing
12. Who takes out the garbage? whoever remembers
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I think we have switched since moving our room to main floor because I like to sleep against the wall. But I also get up first so that means I always have to crawl over him.
14. Who pays the bills? I do. Or better yet, online bill pay does.
15. Who is better with the computer? haha. trick question?! Ryan is genius with the computer. Although at work I usually can keep up with others.
16. Who mows the lawn? the high school boy that lives next door; just keeping the economy moving. I think we were designed for condo living.
17. Who cooks dinner? me! Which ranges from a full dinner to pizza in the oven. We are not always home at dinner time due to working out, social stuff, my uppercase parties, but I think someday when we have a family I will love dinner time.
18. Who drives when you are together? Ryan always. Sometimes I offer on long trips but that lasts about an hour usually
19. Who pays when you go out? Seems like Ry usually does out of habit unless I have cash on me. It is all from the same place anyways.
20. Who is most stubborn? it's a tie
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? We're both pretty equal on this. I think he's better at it though.
22. Whose parents do you see the most? It seems to fluctuate, I see and talk to my mom alot, we go to his mom's sometimes on Sunday for dinner. Both of our dads are a couple of hours away.
23. Who kissed who first? I think I kissed him? Pretty sure he kissed me back. :)
24. Who asked who out? He did; as friends really but we went to dinner quite a few times before we were dating
25. Who proposed? Ryan, on Navy Pier in January of my senior year. It was cold but so us because we have so many great memories in Chicago.
26. Who is more sensitive? Me to the small daily things and him to large matters in life (and stray dogs--we have probably rescued 5-6 and found their owners).

ok. your turn! Don't make me beg!

late night date night

last night was a gift. I can't remember the last time we were the 2 crazy kids pulling a late night mid-week and it was a celebration of living it up. Despite my ever present runny nose this week, it was glorious. Ryan pulled out the entertainment book (a mature piece of the crazy kids evening) to find out where we had buy one get one in GR and gave me 3 choices. I settled on what seemed the obvious, Old Chicago because I knew that pizza is always a happy default. I ended up ordering the Oriental Chicken:
Teriyaki chicken over spiced, chilled noodles, crisp greens, carrots and red bell peppers with our house Italian and sweet chili dressing, green onions, wonton strips and toasted sesame seeds. (as taken from the website menu). yum. He got a bacon cheeseburger and both parties were happy.

From there we froclicked aimlessly around the mall, stopping to debate if I am too short for the over the boot jean look:

these were the particular pair in consideration and in retrospect, I think part of me was just excited that they fit over my calf because that NEVER happens. I didn't get them. not sure if I will.


We also saw a late night movie @ the $3 Celebration Cinema @ Woodland. Which is amazing because we have stopped going to movies as often anymore, due to my redbox obsession but I do still love sitting in theater. We went to see the movie 500 Days of Summer which "is not a love story. It is a story of boy meets girl".

It features these 2

...and I loved Zoeey Deschanel's captivating beauty and Joseph Gordon Levitt's hipster style. Along with the chalk wall in his bedroom, which we spent a good few minutes whispering about in the theater.

It also rekindled my lost love for Regina Spektor with her enchanting voice and beautiful piano skills. All in all, the night was a 2 thumbs way up, a night to remember and a welcomed break in the constant push and pull of life.

currently obsessed with..

the phenomenon of the REDBOX


You mean, I can just drive up to Walgreen's door or casually stop by after finishing my grocery shopping at Meijer (already a good enough thing in itself) and pick up a movie? Without painfully pacing the aisles, debating a drama or a comedy in open air for all to observe while Ryan & I debate who picked last time...amazing!

I'm not sure how it began but I do know that we have realized that the new budget program with life as a full time student allows for different types of entertainment and that we can rent 20 redboxes for the movie & popcorn that we were going to see tonight. So happily, to the joyful little Redbox we went tonight for a date night in and all are happy because we can wear our pjs and eat fresh out of the oven oatmeal cookies in bed with our $1.06 movie.

Have you tried the box? :)

Life in Fours

For Ryan, on our 4 year wedding anniversary.

When you are 6 years old, 4 years until the age of 10 seems like ETERNITY and there are so many things you are old enough, or tall enough, to do. Then you get to high school and those 4 years are jammed packed with bff’s and learning to drive, varsity sports and prom, and in the last of those 4 years, the biggest decision you have made until that point of where you will spend the next 4. College begins and 4 years of growing in new ways, with new friends and life in a whole different context.

Life seems to come in nice little packages of 4 until you are in your twenties giving a framework and a timeline of sorts for how and when decisions should be made. Then life’s gates fling themselves wide open into an expansive set of 70-80 years. A new perspective that is both freeing and paralyzing at times, not knowing what timeline should be set and sometimes missing the structure of the 4.

As I sit here on our 4 year wedding anniversary, I am struck by so many things that have happened in these 1,460 days and how thankful I am that this season of life isn’t set into a 4 year timeline. I love walking through life side by side as best friends and want to enjoy the next moment, days, and years together, open to whatever length the different seasons we encounter may be.

celebrating early

if you are anything like me, you like surprises and you like celebrations. beautiful combination. And if I am the one planning the surprise, I half hope that the little details will spill out because I just want to share the fun plans. That was kind of the case for our Friday (the 3rd). It was a day together, with no real big plans but I had about 50 options in my mind to celebrate a combo of Ryan's retirement & our 4th anniversary which is the 8th of July.

Thought about kayaks, about renting scooters, or even Segways due to the recent OBSESSION with Arrested Development inspired by the character Gob (pronounced Job). All my excitement aside, I truly wanted it to be a day for Ryan to enjoy so I told him my long list of ideas and he had a novel suggestion.

How about just seeing where the day takes us? Hmm. Never thought of that. First stop: Downtown Zeeland!

We brought Toby with us for a walk and thought we were going to hit up the Mainstreet Sidewalk sales...come to find out they are NEXT Friday. But that didn't keep us from checkin out the new candy store that just opened.

my cute hubby even knew what I wanted without asking, gummy goodness. worms to be exact and I will spare you the picture where I shared one with Tobs.

From there we headed down to Fenn Valley winery upon his suggestion and enjoyed a bottle of white wine and a lunch of crackers, summer sausage & cheese, which I think Ry could live on. We sat out in the sun and enjoyed the scene as well as great conversation and then onto Saugatuck for some Kilwins of course & lots of people (and dog) watching. We ended the night with a yummy BLT pizza from Jets that we got take out so we could spend the rest of the night lounging at home. So glad I "ruined' the surprise because Ryan always has such great ideas for our days together.

The rest of the holiday weekend was ALOT of fun and truly started Thursday night with the Mat Kearney concert with Den & Em...she blogged about our adventures so I will let her do the honors on that one. I loved the show and the late summer night with good friends. We spent the 4th with the Wallace fam up at the cottage for our annual get together and my only wish there was for more SUNSHINE but the fireworks, company & 8 hour bean bag toss competition was more than enough to make me happy!

8 year dativersary

oh yes ladies- he's mine! Today marks 8 years of togetherness for Ryan and I.
May 28, 2001 it became "ryan & bekah", the beginning of us.

8 short years ago today he asked me to meet him at Hager Park so I could practice my speech for gradution the next day and maybe to flirt a little bit too.
Hook line and sinker, I was all his after the invite out for ice cream that followed. If I'm honest, I was already beginning to fall for him over those Spring months of our senior year as we had a few nights out to dinner, ordering every appetizer sampler platter known to man and just enjoying the ease of one another's company. The bus rides home from softball & baseball games, the rounds of mini-golf, the late night drives, holding hands for the first time on our senior trip. so sweet.

And I feel like in these 8 years we have grown up together through fighting for our relationship through my Taylor years, he harder than I at many times, pursuing me with no end, determining my major, changing it, changing it back to my original choice. Weeks apart, 2 breakups, late night laughter, hoping summers would never end, emails and emails, and some more emails (now saved in my email folder entitled "love letters").

I wouldn't trade this growing up for a thing. We now stand hand in hand walking forward in a new direction as Ryan pursues school, future ministry and whatever God has next. And this 8 years feel like a firm foundation of friendship and love, bringing my heart so much joy.