worship

This song has been good truth for me every time I have heard it this week. Unfortunately all of the you tube videos with it have some weird and kind of creepy pictures in their slideshows (who makes those things anyways?).
Either way, I wanted to share the lyrics and encourage you to check out Jimmy Needham if you haven't heard it yet. I love the reminders that it gives that no matter what we can achieve, we cannot earn more of God's love and that our salvation is already complete and full.

Forgiven and Loved
Tell me I’m forgiven and loved
‘Cause I hear it from the street corner priests
On how God is love and how man can be clean
But my joy has been on holiday
And my peace has almost passed away
Tell me I’m forgiven and free

CHORUS
O I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation
But I bought the lie I still have work to do
Now I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation
But there is no condemnation in You

O whisper to me now that it’s for real
‘Cause in the silence of these walls righteousness lost its appeal
Dirty deeds have done me in
O but that can’t stop the faithful friend
Giving mercy once again as You heal
Here it is I’m feeling it

(Chorus)

O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation
And His blood commands my guilt to leave
Now on Calvary I stand
Empty pockets, open hands
O there is no condemnation for me

(Chorus)

Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved
Child, you’re forgiven
And child, you are loved
Child, you’re forgiven and loved

on being a homebody

What is it about Fridays when I know I will be home for the weekend that gives me so much joy? Is it is as simple as knowing I don’t have to fold my clothes into a suitcase, or that I can stretch my laundry over the next two days? Maybe it is the ability to take a walk on a whim with some friends to get ice cream or just plain sit on my couch with my coffee and check blogs Saturday morning.

Looking forward to having my little brother Austin sleepover tonight for his 12th birthday tonight; it just seems insane to me that he is already on the verge of being a teenager and everything that goes along with it. Girl time tomorrow while Ryan does some homework and and Sunday afternoon at the lake with the fam.

Sarah will be counting the dollars from the past 2 days of garage sales, even though today I had to work my real job, we had so much fun yesterday! Hard earned dollars combined with my craigslist earnings because one girls’ junk is another girl’s treasures give me some extra cash for…next weekend which will not be spent at home!

A week from today is our annual TU reunion and I wouldn’t trade the opportunity to sit on someone else’s couch on Saturday morning, enjoying my coffee with the girls instead of their blogs!

8 year dativersary

oh yes ladies- he's mine! Today marks 8 years of togetherness for Ryan and I.
May 28, 2001 it became "ryan & bekah", the beginning of us.

8 short years ago today he asked me to meet him at Hager Park so I could practice my speech for gradution the next day and maybe to flirt a little bit too.
Hook line and sinker, I was all his after the invite out for ice cream that followed. If I'm honest, I was already beginning to fall for him over those Spring months of our senior year as we had a few nights out to dinner, ordering every appetizer sampler platter known to man and just enjoying the ease of one another's company. The bus rides home from softball & baseball games, the rounds of mini-golf, the late night drives, holding hands for the first time on our senior trip. so sweet.

And I feel like in these 8 years we have grown up together through fighting for our relationship through my Taylor years, he harder than I at many times, pursuing me with no end, determining my major, changing it, changing it back to my original choice. Weeks apart, 2 breakups, late night laughter, hoping summers would never end, emails and emails, and some more emails (now saved in my email folder entitled "love letters").

I wouldn't trade this growing up for a thing. We now stand hand in hand walking forward in a new direction as Ryan pursues school, future ministry and whatever God has next. And this 8 years feel like a firm foundation of friendship and love, bringing my heart so much joy.

bursting at the seams

life just continues to feel like it is exploding with fullness. and 2 days post vacation it makes me ever the more glad for that time away. to breathe deep and laugh, sleep in (which for me is quite a celebration), enjoy easy conversation and not needing conversation at all.

I feel like I haven't had a minute since today began to just be. gearing up for tomorrow's garage sale, Beth Moore study tonight and staying late because I just love those women so much already, looking forward to stealing some time over dinner tomorrow night with friends who are back in town for a few days before leaving for the summer, the list goes on.

And then there is my cute husband who is so endearing and has his own fullness of life going on as he finishes out his last full week of work before moving into 2-3 days a week, and then down to being finished as of July 1st. How am I supposed to find time to process that transition and hear about his process, and find a part time job? Deep breath. Let's just remember the vacation that we just got home from. and choose joy in each of these days. for these are the days.

a few lyrics from Jamie Cullum's "These are the Days" ala 2004. if life had a soundtrack this would be playing right now:

These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine



the weekend began on a great foot..running along the bay in the Bayshore 10k...then off to a full day of the Leelanau Penninsula, sunshine, good tunes and relaxation. Cheers to good friends and an awesome trip!

a memorable memorial day

just a little preview of our weekend up north in beautiful Traverse City. It was SO good to just get away from the day to day with good friends and my hubby who I seem to keep falling for more and more.didn't know that was possible after 4 years.

more pics and good stories later..gotta finish getting the rest of my junk marked for the garage sale this week. seriously, how did I accumulate so much STUFF? speaking of stuff...check out the car on the way up- its a wonder that Em and I even fit in that back seat.



the first tasting of the day at Black Star Farms.

today we leave for Traverse City with them:

to complete this 10K:

and spend 2 days exploring and visiting wineries including 2 of my favorites:


Leelanau Cellars: for their clean and big tasting room & excellent customer service, plus they have flavors that Ryan and I can happily agree on


and the creme de la creme...MAWBY's! where everything has a little bubble to it. We heard of Mawby's through Ryan's uncle Bob and had to find it for ourselves as part of last year's adventure in Northern Michigan. Looking forward to 3 glorious days of sunshine with our friends and each other!

fits of giggles

Last night Ryan and I attended my little brother Austin's 6th grade graduation from ACT, a program that he has been in since 3rd grade. In fact, the boys had to remind me that I was the only one who didn't quite pass the test to get into this program. But sweet Austin says it is only because I am a bad tester.
Picture AP classes for elementary school kids and add in adventures, experiments, lego robotics, origami, creativity with no end, there you have ACT. And this was no ordinary graduation- there were skits, raps, poems and essays. and I loved every second of it.

These kids are brilliant and creative and uninhibited. I think that is the part that overjoyed me, their willingness to express themselves without shame. There was the part where they shared their posters about being able to change their world and the environment and things like "there are cooler ways to die than smoking" and my FAVORITE, "don't be trashy, recycle" said with 'tude. I thought I may have a little giggle fit in my seat.

I want to have that much fun, to express myself in FULL COLOR. Here is another little set of giggles from my older younger brother (make sense? the older of the 2). He has an appreciation for wit as well.

from waldo henry
i would say ‘legooo?’ instead of ‘hello?’
haaa nice, very nice

the rules of recycling

so last night BrieAnna met me at our house to carpool to our Monday night group and my recycling was proudly displayed at the end of the driveway. And as I backed the car out cautious as not to knock my carefully stacked cartons, bags, papers, boxes she began to giggle. Between breaths, I learned that I cannot in fact mix my wax covered boxes and cartons with the purest of plastics 1-7 and other sanctioned pieces.

Wow. I never knew plastic had numbers and I sure didn't realize what how much I have to learn when it comes to recycling. I'm willing to learn though and in our fits of silliness, this little rhyme came to us...

When in doubt, throw it out
When it can be reused, recycling we choose.

I bet if our drive to Michelle's house was a little further, she would have had a few more verses and a tune to belt out for me. She's good. Really good. She's the only friend I have who has their own musician page on myspace!

I just had to post a pic of her because she so bravely cut her hair way shorter as an act of freedom and expression & I love it!

an ecclesiastical day

this song has been playing its way through my head tonight.

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

this morning's memorial for Kaden was beautiful and full and worshipful. You don't quite know how to emotionally prepare for a day like this but even amongst the grief, there continued to be hope and celebration with the worship chosen and words shared, including this poem that my husband wrote.

I laughed with friends today, held hands with Ryan, cried and held my sister-in-law tight, went on a drive tonight with Ryan (and Toby), went to a baby shower for a dear friend whose little one we will meet in 4 short weeks and smiled as I thought about the newborn baby girl that will be one week old tomorrow whose fingers and toes and little nose were absolutely perfect when we met her last Sunday. Ecclesiastes 3. a time for everything under heaven.

i also picked myself more flowers.

kneading dough...actually just needing dough

because I need to start thinking about bringing in more of this:

I am seriously contemplating selling this

could be a fun way to earn a little extra money & meet some new friends...I have been thinking about it since that day in Southwest MI...
but right now I need sleep...so more thoughts to come!

what I have seen

today I saw a 60 year old man, laying out in his back yard. Now I know we all enjoy a little sunshine once in a while but he was 60 and tanning himself in what would be generous to call a bathing suit. not quite a speedo but daisy dukes would probably be the proper description. yikes. oh- and let me not forget that he was doing a suduko or more likely a crossword puzzle while has reclined in his chair. yup.

and right now on my living room floor I see the new Esther book for the Beth Moore study that just started this week. and I envision some great conversations to come with a whole new group of women that I just met last night. Can I just say that I would love to be Southern so that the words "y'all" and all kinds of double negatives like "you ain't never" could be part of my vocabulary. 8 more weeks of Beth to try and soak up those phrases.

I heard about another type of visuals Tuesday night at the small group huddle @ church referred to Tuesday night as "God Sightings". Others around me are leading out with eyes that see past the temporal and sometimes it seems hard to normalize the everyday with the intense and spirit-led stuff going on amidst healing and grief and joy.

I saw my husband rejoicing Monday night after he experienced something that totally blew me out of the water. He was prayed over and experienced healing and my prayer all week has been "I do believe, help me Lord with my unbelief." (Mark 9)

What I have seen is Ryan's faith being increased, and through that, other's faith will be increased as well by what we have seen. starting with me. And then there is Rochelle who is living in such a way that is unseen in contrast to what the world views as just. I encourage you to read her thoughts today and see for yourself. All I know is, I keep seeing God show up in the hard stuff.

giving myself flowers.

I love the flowers blooming in my yard that I may or may not have pulled last year thinking they were weeds. Or maybe they didn't even pop up last May, I am not sure. All I know is that right now in this time of fullness and joy and tears, they seem like a gift to me that I didn't ask for or even deserve. But there they are, blooming fully around me in yellows, reds, purples, oranges, pinks. just for me and my kitchen, and my desk at work, and my heart. And I pick them, and they come back, ready to give me more beauty and grace.

They feel like their own little miracle which I need right now. I remember devouring Sabrina Ward Harrison's first book and work of art, "Spilling Open". and then "Brave on the Rocks" and I know there are more but those are the 2 that I snuck away on my lunch breaks from Marshall Fields during a college summer to read.

There was just something about the way that she let herself spill out her words with colors and art like they were no lines between them. And for her there weren't. I don't know philosophically or worldview wise if we are in sync but I resonated then and still now with her expression and how she uses that to experience life. So today it is the tulips and conversations with friends that spill open in front of me. and whether or not I place them in a vase, they bring me beauty.

and the winner is....

From the oh so scientific results of random.org , Judi is now the proud owner of the adorable burb cloth from BeeBoBaby. I had to go random because if it were up to me you would all walk away with something fun!
This felt a little like Christmas in May to me and I like that feeling so stay tuned for what goodies might pop up in the summer months...

a few hours left

the countdown is on my friends...a few more hours until the door closes and you miss the chance to have this in your life:


if you haven't already, head here before 12:00 AM EST for your chance to win something fun! Happy Mother's Day, I hope it was a blessed one!

pacing myself

it was the day, the day I have been training for since January. And somehow, even though I was excited this morning, my emotions and heart burned in my chest with the sorrow and the grief of losing Kaden, yet the joy of God's goodness through this week to Rochelle and Steve. Their faith and hope are so strong and I am encouraged by how closely they are walking with God.

I usually spend so much mental energy the week before a big race thinking about my pacing, my hydration, what I will eat to prepare, what I will wear. And rightfully so, those things became minor details pushed to the outer corners of my brain space this week. But I woke up with a determination to go out there today and do this. Something I have literally wanted to do since I saw a fellow classmate do it when we were 15 years old. Some of the miles got really hard, if I am honest, every mile after 9 was tough today. It was actually quite humorous in retrospect because I really had myself convinced at one point that I should just lay down for a few minutes on the side of the road. what?!

Thankfully Ben & Stacie were there with me to shake that fog out of my brain and tell me to eat a GU and keep going. We finished in the time we hoped and there was a lot of space on the course to talk, cheer, pray, and just plain put one foot in front of another. Here is team EGM, looking our best before the race this morning:


I just got an email from our captain, Pastor Tom & it made me laugh because in the speed category we got 2nd place for the team category! Good thing they only take the top 5 scores...none of which my time was close to touching. but just for kicks, you can check it out here.

updates

I am headed into work this morning and time seems to march on, but I have to say I am very excited for the Riverbank Run tomorrow. Many hours and miles that have gone into preparing and this countdown on my fridge is now marked all the way until only 1 day is showing:

so today I hydrate, eat pasta, and wait. I'm ready to trust the training.

I also wanted to share that I would like to extend the giveaway that Torie and I have put together for Mother's Day. You can still enter here until Sunday night at midnight and please make sure to include your email so I can let you know when you win! Thanks for your continued prayers and love!

overwhelmed by the body

I can't put into words right now the overflow of emotions cramming their way into my heart on a daily basis. There is so much beauty and so much pain, all vying for such a small space. My heart is stretching and growing from the love I feel for Kaden, to the unity that is taking place within our family, to the tears that flow and the outpouring of love in response.
The thing that is blowing me out of the water is the response for Rochelle & Steve from our church family and their friends. You know, even the night that they lost Kaden, Rochelle was already praising God for the family that they are surrounded by beyond those related, our church. It has been incredible the amount of phone calls, cards, emails, facebook messages, meals, that have already been brought. The hearts of friends are being turned so openly towards them and for that I am beyond thankful.

prayers for Kaden

heavy hands and a heavy heart. we lost our nephew, Kaden James tonight unexpectedly at 30 weeks; I have no words but there are prayers.

Jeremy Camp, "Walk by Faith"

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to RID my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see

my first giveaway!

I am excited to share with you my friend Torie at BeeBoBaby and all of her talent and love for things handmade. Torie and I met about 4 years ago through our church but it wasn't until we planned a co-baby shower earlier this spring that I got the chance to know her better.

And let me tell you, she is such a wonderful mom to her 2 pretty little girls, amazingly sweet & oh so creative. I guess you could kind of say that I hope to be like her when I grow up...here we are at Jamie's shower; Torie is the one on the right in the pic below:

So, in honor of Mother's Day and all of my friends who are entering their own season of motherhood this year as well as those of us who love handmade gifts, Torie is blessing us with an exciting chance to win something new this week!
Head on over to her blog to check out the 3 items you can choose from; vote in her Mother's Day poll & come back here to let me know which of the 3 you would like to win...and why. The entries will end on Friday at midnight.

worship

here are some of the lyrics to the song that was played this morning before communion. I found it hard to find my way back to my seat after hearing the words and taking part in the gift of communion this morning:

Watermark: Knees to the Earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here, be glorified
I owe my life to You oh Lord
Here I am

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earth
I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus
You are my only worth
So I will embrace You always
As I walk this earth

being a tourist in my own hometown

Tulip Time. Ain't nothin like it. Although I did not grow up around dutch dancing in wooden shoes, seeing rows and rows of tulips in every shade and design, I have deeply grown to appreciate the festival marking the first week of May in downtown Holland every year. There is something about this 80 year old tradition and being part of it that gives me a sense of pride about living in West Michigan.

And lucky me, since my office is downtown in the hub of all of the chaos, I don't even think about navigating traffic to get out over the lunch hour. But the trade off is that I can look out my window and see elephant ears, funnel cakes, lemonade, cotton candy, and caramel apples the size of your head.

It was such a great day from start to finish with our last long Riverbank Run training run, hanging out with my cute prego sister-in-law & mom-in-law at the Right To Life walk that went right through my neighborhood this morning and then the icing on the cake...the tulips! .
pretty common signage around these parts:

People by Numbers

no, not paint by numbers; you read right...people by numbers. I absolutely love personality analysis exercises, insight into how people think and realizing just how different we all truly are. I guess you could say that BA in Psychology really jump started the engine on this one. That and marriage which may well be the best way to learn just how different 2 people can be.

I recently became aware of a new resource; new to me that is, not new in general. It is the Enneagram which assigns personalities on a wheel from 1 to 9. A side note bout the the wheel is that it does not operate on a continuum so you won't find that identifiers of any one characteristic will increase as you go around the circle. Each number is distinct and separate, the wheel is simply a way to organize the information.

According to the Enneagram Institute, I am a 2. I like reading the positives about myself as a 2, like how I am empathetic, warm, and sincere. It gets a little harder when it gets into the downfalls of 2s; pride, fear of worthlessness, working to win other's affection. And then there is my 8 husband although the last time I referred to him as such, he felt compelled to inform me that he is man, not a number. Guess I can only take it so far.

Because it really has been so helpful for me, I challenge you to go nuts for numbers and check it out. Let me know what you find out about you!